hello hello <3 here are some deleted scenes from the early chapters! Deleted Scene Chapter 4: Jeongguk explaining Taehyung the ass accidentThen again, when is there a right time? Taehyung also didn’t want to tell Jimin about his own incident with dae-hyun, and that ended up in a fight.
“Taehyung..”
God, he’s really gonna tell this embarrassing story.
“Yeah?”
“I know this is really bad timing, but I think- well actually Hoseok thinks I should tell you. I think it’s embarrassing, but I guess it’s weird to not tell you either.”
He doesn’t want to feel like he’s keeping something from him. Even though it’s nothing, really.
“Oh, sure.”
Taehyung nods, stuffs his mouth with noodles and waits for him to continue.
Right. The ass story.
“So, Blondie is on my team right?”
Taehyung blinks, but nods.
“We stayed after practice because he’s shit at receiving, and just did some rounds.”
He says. Taehyung rolls his eyes at the Jimin-bashing, but then motions for him to continue. Jeongguk swallows, feels a little nervous even though it’s not something.
“So at the end of practice we hit the showers. And I.. uh..”
Maybe it is something.
Taehyung has stopped eating, eyebrow raised in interest.
Fuck.
Jeongguk averts his gaze, feels blood rush to his cheeks.
“I looked at his ass. I guess. I don’t know why, but it just- it happened.. and- you know? He’s got..”
“He’s got a nice ass, yeah I know.”
Taehyung says calmly.
Jeongguk is everything but calm, rubbing the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at Taehyung.
“Anyway.. it looked like a woman’s? Well, I know ass doesn’t have a gender, but it’s just what popped up in my mind. So I.. I kind of.. got hard.”
He bites hard on his tongue after he says it, feels shame running through his veins, and he drops his face in his hands as to escape the moment.
I know it’s really weird, I’m sorry for looking at-“
“Wait that’s it?”
Taehyung interrupts.
Jeongguk looks up, sees the genuine confusion in Taehyung’s eyes.
“Yeah? I just.. it felt weird not to tell you. I mean I did get hard looking at your boyfriend’s ass, so-“
“Jesus.” Taehyung laughs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I thought you two had a fight or something, or Jimin made a move on you.”
Jeongguk blinks, feels all tension leave his body because Taehyung treats it so lightly. It’s a good thing, but also a bad thing because now he’s just gonna get picked on.
“So we’re okay? You’re not upset?”
“Of course not. I’m just amazed my boyfriend’s ass has such an effect on you.”
“I’ve told you it’s because it looks like-“
“You got hard for real?”
“Tae-“
“That’s hilarious. Did Jimin notice?”
“Well, yes. He thought I was turning my back to him because I was uncomfortable showering with him, so he made a big fuss about that. And then he turned me around and saw. So I ran, and it’s just been very embarrassing.”
Taehyung can’t stop snickering, hiding his laugh behind his hand and pretending he feels for him.
At least he isn’t angry.
“What a wild experience. Jeon Jeongguk, hard because of my boyfriend’s ass.”
“Taehyung please.”
“I mean I thought something really bad happened and you just gave me material to tease you with.”
“I’m not ever telling you shit anymore.”
“Okay okay, but let’s be serious for a second.” Taehyung leans in more, puts his hand on his shoulder. “Jimin’s ass made you hard.”
“Stop saying it.”
“Are you having a sexuality crisis?”
Jeongguk looks away.
“N-no.”
“That stutter is a little sus, not gonna lie.”
“Tae.”
Taehyung raises a brow, not joking around. Jeongguk shakes his head.
“I’m not having a sexuality crisis. you’d be the first to know if I was.”
Or Hoseok probably. But Hoseok already thinks he’s having one. Just like Jae. And Jimin.
Taehyung pets his hair then, nods.
“Okay.”Why it was deleted: I felt like I was trying to avoid conflict with these two, I sort of wanted Taehyung to be cool with everything so that their friendship wouldn't be broken, but I felt like it was unrealistic for Taehyung to be this cool about it. Plus it made the tension between Jimin and Jeongguk less real too! Because the whole "I can't tell Taehyung that i'm falling for his boyfriend" was one of the elements that built tension through the early chapters of the story.
Deleted scene chapter 9: Jeongguk confessing to Taehyung that he almost kissed Jimin**** in this version of the story, they did not kiss at the end of chapter 8, Jeongguk pulled back the last secondAfter drinking himself completely stupid so that he won’t remember what happened, he arrives home, barely.
Sadly, Taehyung is still up, on his phone on the couch, and the alcohol in his system doesn’t make him forget what happened but just intensifies the feeling of fear and guilt when they make eye contact.
“Jeonggukie?”
Fuck, Taehyung is way too kind. If he knows what happened he’ll be so upset. Jeongguk feels a lump in his throat, just stands there awkwardly, wobbling on his feet.
“It’s 4 am, did you just come back from the date? Did it go well?”
Taehyung asks, sitting up and tapping the spot next to him excitedly.
Jeongguk feels his heart sink with every step he takes, guilt and shame eating him alive as he comes to a stop.
Taehyung notices, concern now on his face.
“What’s up? What happened?”
He’d never have thought he’d have to say something like this. Feels like he’s putting his friendship on the line. He’s always preached about how important it is to him, always put Taehyung above anything and anyone else.
“I almost kissed Jimin.”
He says, tongue feeling heavy in his mouth, like it was trying to hold him back.
Taehyung blinks, confused.
“You what?”
He rubs his hands over his face, can’t look at Taehyung straight.
“I almost kissed Jimin, in the club, I almost kissed him.”
“What are you saying? You went on a date at a cafe right? How drunk are you?”
Very.
“The date wasn’t going well, Jimin and I went to Sway and I.. I just felt like.. he looked good and.. I really wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t because he’s your boyfriend. And I’m so fucking sorry-“
“Wait. Calm down and sit. You’re ranting.”
Taehyung cuts him off, grabbing him by his arm and pulling him to sit down on the couch. He wants to cry, but his eyes feel dry, and everything is spinning, he just feels nauseous.
“Look at me.”
Taehyung says, tilting his chin up so he’s forced to face him, forced to see those precious sweet eyes looking at him, reminding him how he’s let him down.
“You almost kissed Jimin at Sway?”
Jeongguk nods, feels tears prickle in his eyes now as Taehyung takes it in.
“Why?”
“I.. I don’t know it just got so tense.. and I just wanted it so bad at that moment.”
Taehyung looks like he’s trying to understand but really not following, and Jeongguk knows he should have said it all before. He should have told him the moment he realised. He should have never pretended he couldn’t read those crossed out lines.
“I’m.. I’ve been denying it for so long but I’m just so confused- Jimin makes me doubt everything.”
It’s not just his choices or his personality, but also his sexuality, Jimin makes him question all of it, makes him look at himself differently and it’s terrifying.
“But I just.. I just couldn’t do it.. I feel so bad, I feel like such a dick for putting our friendship on the line like this-“
“Jeongguk- Jeongguk stop. You’re overreacting a little. First of all, Jimin is not my boyfriend anymore, though for you it might look the same because we’re still close, we’ve been broken up for a month and something now.”
Taehyung says, trying to calm him down, which in turn makes Jeongguk feel even worse. How dare he barge in like this, drunk and emotional, only now explaining all of this. Such a coward move.
“And I won’t lie, the fact that you almost kissed him makes me feel a little weird and confused, but.. this is about more than that. Having doubts about everything has been bothering you for some time now, and I’m glad you’re finally dealing with it and opening up.”
Tears now well up in his eyes and make everything look blurry. He hates feeling like this. Emotional and vulnerable and drunk at the same time, it has to be the worst.
“And the fact that it’s him making you feel like this must be eating you alive, but you can’t help it. I know what it’s like, believe me.”
Taehyung comforts him, grabs his hand and squeezes it softly. He’s definitely not wrong, it has been eating him alive for months now.
“I’m really sorry. I’m sorry it’s him. I really feel like such a fucking idiot.”
“It’s.. I mean, it’s a bit weird for me, I won’t lie to you. I’ve shared Jimin with other men, but you’re my best friend so it feels a little awkward. And you claimed just hours ago that you two can’t stand each other.”
Jeongguk takes a deep breath, tries to find the proper words. It’s hard to think in this state.
“I still don’t like him, he sucks. Like I fucking hate his guts for everything he’s said and done. He’s bad at apologising too, and he always gets on my-“
“I know. But?”
Taehyung asks, stopping his long rant.
He looks away, doesn’t dare to say it while looking into Taehyung’s eyes.
“But he’s.. I guess he’s somewhat.. attractive.”
“Somewhat?”
“He’s got very feminine features.”
He says it like that’s a good defence. Like it somehow justifies that he wanted to kiss Jimin. Like that’s what every straight guy would have done in that situation.
“Such as?”
Taehyung asks, making him have to think about it.
“His.. you know.. his lips? His cheeks. And his eyes. When he puts on make-up.. they’re very.. I don’t know.”
“So you think of him as a woman?”
“No. He’s just.. he’s striking.. in a feminine and masculine way.”
That’s all he can muster really. Doesn’t think he’s ever called anyone striking in his life. It’s quite embarrassing. Jimin should never find out.
Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind it, just nods in agreement.
“So he makes you question yourself?”
“Mm.”
Jeongguk nods, then shakes his head, then shrugs.
“It’s just the first time I feel.. attracted to a guy. And he’s your ex-boyfriend, so that fucking sucks.”
“It’s not ideal.”
Taehyung agrees, but doesn’t seem particularly angry, just confused. Which Jeongguk gets, he actually thought it’d be worse, so it feels relieving.
“Did he uh..” Taehyung looks down, fidgets with his hands. “Did.. Jimin want to?”
Oh.
He hadn’t thought about that. Jeongguk feels his cheeks burn when he remembers Jimin fluttering his eyes open, stumbling over his words.
“I don’t know.” He lies, looking away. feels like he shouldn’t say it, like it might hurt Taehyung more if he says it was mutual. “I don’t think so.”
Taehyung only hums, still looking down. Seems like it’s finally hitting. Jeongguk recognises the way his eyebrows furrow, the way his face falls.
“I’m sorry.”
He says again, but Taehyung shakes his head.
“It’s fine. It’s just.. you two always complain about each other. But I guess if you almost kissed there must have been other feelings from Jimin’s side too. So it just feels like you’ve both not been completely honest with me.”
Taehyung explains softly.
Jeongguk remembers all the glances, the talks, the touches, the fantasies about Jimin, and he feels his stomach turn.
“I’m sorry, you’re right I.. I’ve been denying it for so long because it sucks so bad. I don’t want to be attracted to him. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He says, nudging Taehyung’s hand so he looks up at him.
“I get that. I really do, but I wish you would have shared the struggles with me. You completely closed up and just kept me in the dark. I’m supposed to be your best friend and you only dare to tell me this when you’re shitfaced.”
Taehyung says, making a fair point. Jeongguk just nods, knows he’s a coward.
“I know it’s a dick move. I just didn’t have the guts. He’s your ex boyfriend, and on top of that you still love him and hang out with him and I know it’s so wrong. I was afraid of facing you so I kept trying to downplay it and push it away.”
Taehyung nods slowly, then sighs.
“Alright. I hope you’ll just be honest with me earlier from now on.”
Jeongguk bites on his lip, nods once. They sit in silence for a bit and he just has to ask.
“Are you alright?”
Taehyung shrugs.
“I don’t know. I’ve always thought things like this wouldn’t matter so much to me but.. I guess it’s never nice when your ex and best friend hook up.”
“We didn’t-"
“Almost.” Taehyung corrects himself. “But you know, if you like him then-“
“I don’t. I don’t like him like that. I’m attracted to him, but I don’t like him.”
Jeongguk says, stressing the fact.
“Alright, well, I can’t blame you for that. He’s charming. But you should have told me sooner, I would have understood.”
Taehyung says, looking at him with a sincere expression.
It’s sad really, that he didn’t dare to talk sooner. Should have said something the moment he thought Jimin was pretty, the moment his eyes accidentally darted down to his lips.
“I’m sorry.”
He’s lost count of how many times he’s said it, but it’s better than not saying it at all. At least he really feels it, why it was deleted: at this time I still had that feeling of "Jeongguk and Taehyung can never be friends again if Jeongguk actually kissed jimin" so I skipped that kiss scene and just made Jeongguk rant all his feelings to Taehyung. But it felt like a cop-out. And also too soon for Jeongguk to be confessing to all of these feelings at this point in the story. Plus, the tension before the kiss scene was so heavy that it felt sort of impossible for either of them to hold back, so then I changed chapter 8 and did write their kiss scene. Which made this scene irrelevant. I probably used some similar sentences in the real chapter 9 though!
Deleted Scene Chapter 12: Therapy Session “Tell me your father’s death.”
He takes a deep breath, doesn’t really know where to start.
“Well, he died.”
“Gathered that much.”
“Of a heart attack.”
“How did you feel?”
Jeongguk looks down, embarrassed of his answer.
“Happy.”
The funeral was dull. Employees of the family company all greeted his brother next to him, and then looked at him not knowing his name, whispering behind his back.
“Why were you happy?”
Jeongguk swallows, feels like he isn’t supposed to talk this way. Hye-sung just looks at him, her eyes a deep, warm brown. It calms his nerves.
“He just wanted one son. My brother was enough. I was just a nuisance to him.”
His brother excelled at everything, and he tried his best to follow, but never quite got on the same level.
“How did you cope?”
“I tried to rebel.. but..”
“But what?”
“My brother suddenly left.” He feels the corner of his mouth tug down, a tight feeling in his chest. “So I felt like I didn’t really have a choice but to become everything my mom wanted.”
Perfected his grades, perfected his looks, perfected his physique, perfected his everything. Stripped himself of anything that made him feel alive. Started studying business like she wanted him to.
“And how’s that worked out for you?”
“Shit.”Why it was deleted: I had foreshadowed a lot about Jeongguk not liking his dad already, and I felt like this type of scene was kind of an over-explanation. Plus, it was his first therapy session so I felt like this was kind of going way too deep too soon. I thought: what is on the forefront of Jeongguk's mind, why does he really need therapy right this moment? Which is why the therapy session steered towards his dynamic with Jimin instead
Deleted Scene Chapter 12: Jeongguk and Yoongi talking about Jimin“Yoongi.”
“Yeah?”
“If I only like to do physical stuff with one guy, what does that make me?”
“Gay and in love, why?”
Jeongguk pinches the bridge of his nose, looking over at Yoongi, who’s working on his laptop, not even looking at him.
“No I mean, there’s no romance.”
“Gay and depraved.”
“I’m not gay. I still like women. I think.”
“Confused, bisexual, and depraved.”
Jeongguk throws his pencil at him, Yoongi ducks and it flies over. He’s still not granting him a glance.
“I mean it. My therapist keeps saying the guy might like me and I just don’t know what to do about it.”
“You know I know you’re talking about Jimin, right?”
Jeongguk bites on his tongue and looks down at his sketch book. He was deliberately trying not to mention his name, afraid of reality.
“Yes.”
“You can say his name you know, he’s not Voldemort.”
Might as well be. Jeongguk bets he’s a slytherin through and through.
“Fine. My therapist keeps saying Jimin might like me.”
Yoongi only snorts at that, like he’s absolutely out of his mind for thinking that. And suddenly, Jeongguk feels nervous. Yoongi is a childhood friend of Jimin.. and he’s not entirely sure about that whole ‘date’ thing was about last time. He gathered it was a joke, but maybe there’s more going on between them.
“What do you think?”
He asks, ticking with his foot.
Yoongi finally looks at him.
“Have you asked Jimin?”
“Of course not.” He would rather die. “We don’t talk about things like that. We’re enemies. Kind of.”
That makes Yoongi snort again, looking back at his screen.
“Enemies who suck each other off?”
“Hey.” Jeongguk feels his ears burn up. “That was once and it- it was just because we were both on edge and-“
“Right. Anyway, what was the question?”
Jeongguk swallows his words.
“What if Jimin likes me?”
“That’s a bad question. What do you want?”
Sometimes it feels like Yoongi is more of a therapist to him than Hye-sung. Jeongguk feels like he’s put on the spot, throat tight, hands clammy.
“Do you want to fuck him? Do you want to hold his hand? What is it you want from him?”
“No, no. Nothing. He’s Taehyung’s ex, and-“
“That’s an excuse. If he wasn’t Taehyung’s ex, would you want to fuck him?”
He bites his tongue, stares at his sketchbook.
“Okay, so you do. What’s your question? If you can? If Jimin wants to? If he’s gonna kiss and cuddle you after?”
Yoongi pushes, making Jeongguk even more uncomfortable. He just sits there, tensed up, doesn’t dare to make eye contact.
“Are you afraid Jimin will fall for you when you guys have sex? Because if that’s the case you shouldn’t worry. He’s pretty good at keeping it casual.”
With that, Yoongi closes his laptop, unaware of the state Jeongguk is in.
“But to be honest, I doubt Jimin would want to have sex with you. Since you’re a mess and all.”
A mess? Jeongguk is ready to defend himself for that, but Yoongi looks at his watch and then stands up.
“I have a client in a few, you’re at the counter yeah?”
Jeongguk only blinks, and when Yoongi leaves to his studio in the back, he can finally breathe. why it was deleted: it felt kind of too soon for Jeongguk to be admitting to all of this. At this point in the story he is still not entirely sure about his sexuality, so this talk felt a bit too 'loose', and though it was pretty funny I just had to delete it to make sure jeongguk's character stayed consistent!
🔞 Deleted nsfw scene chapter 3: Jimin's POV Fuck he’s the absolute worst person in the world
there’s no one who he hates more than himself
but god, he wants to ruin Jeongguk
he feels it each time they lock eyes, each time Jeongguk fights back and gets that darkness casting over him.
it’s a constant need that eats him from the inside
he kisses Taehyung but it isn’t hard enough, makes him take his cock in his mouth but those teary warm brown eyes looking up at him is not what he wants.
He needs Jeongguk.
He needs Jeongguk on his knees at a fucking loss. He needs Jeongguk looking at him with that look he gives him, that intense, burning hatred. And he needs to fuck his mouth until all Jeongguk can think about is his cock, until his eyes roll back and he’s full of cum, until he’s nothing more than a grade a whore that can’t get enough, until Jeongguk can’t even look in the fucking mirror anymore.
He wants Jeongguk to want him so bad, wants Jeongguk to hate himself for it and feel what it’s like to go through all of this. Jeongguk deserves it. He deserves to be put in his place, unlike Taehyung.
Taehyung is too kind and too sweet, he doesn’t deserve to be face-fucked this hard. Tears stream down Taehyung’s pretty cheeks, and though it’s partly pleasure, Jimin knows it’s also pain. The grip he has on his hair is too harsh and the way he makes him choke on his cock is too much for his delicate throat.
But it’s not nearly enough for him. If it was Jeongguk he could spit in his mouth, slap his cock against his face, maybe even- fuck- maybe Jeongguk would like getting slapped in general, or maybe he could step on his cock and let him hump against it, reduce him to a pathetic animal in heat.
All in all, when he comes, it’s not really Taehyung on his mind at all.why it was deleted:I decided early on I didn't want POV changes in this fic, I wanted the journey to focus on Jeongguk's tranformation, and not knowing what went on in Jimin's head made the reader's curiosity even bigger!
also if you haven't read, there is this deleted nsfw shower scene from chapter 13: shower sceneI have a few more middle chapters deleted scenes and the last few deleted scenes are mostly the tent smut so, this is the most dialogue you'll be getting skskjkshope you enjoyed 💕