🎊🍅 10 years! 🍅🎊

On 19th June 2016, I made my Instagram account on a whim and started sharing the comics I would make with my finger on my phone. Before that, I would share them with my friends on WhatsApp 🤓

I didn't grow up reading comics although I would bump into the occasional Tinkle digest at the raddiwala (scrap dealer) but never really read it all the way. But I've always obsessively drawn as a child ✏️🖌️🎨

Anyway, in 2014 I failed my 12th (high school) board exams TWICE (it was a nightmare). I failed in Physics and Maths and then Physics again lol. In hindsight, I'm very grateful I failed even though I was seriously questioning being alive back then (ridiculously dark times 🤡). I had fully set my mind on going to Architecture school because that was the natural option for me since I had Maths as a subject in 12th grade and I drew. The options were very limited at the time and I didn't know about design schools. It was the usual options- doctor, chartered accountant, lawyer, engineer, architect. Being an architect seemed more doable to me so I aimed for that (haha). 17 year old brain! 🧠

I didn't tell anyone about my failure (except for one friend) and resat my exams. Meanwhile, I also did a diploma in Interior Design at a random institute in Pune which made me incredibly sad. But at least I could tell people I was "going to college" (sigh). Interior Design seemed like a step closer to Architecture BUT I couldn't even keep up with all the Interior Design sheets and the boring assignments that I had to do standing up, let alone Architecture assignments. So I gave up on Architecture and Interior Design and stopped going to college everyday- instead I would go to a park to draw. My parents still don't know about this lol. But somehow I still got my diploma? Goes to show just how shitty this institute was 💩

Anyway, I finally passed my 12th board exams in 2015!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

Soon after, I was introduced to the world of advertising and how one can get a Mass Communications/Media studies degree to work in the advertisement industry. I knew nothing about it but it seemed very exciting and mysterious. And so I started chasing for a degree in Mass Communications. The usual colleges that are known for this course in Pune were too expensive so I settled for the college I went to for my 11th and 12th grade- the same college that I failed in lol (but also passed out of eventually!!) I didn't even think about leaving the city for college- it was never on my mind because I just didn't think beyond a certain point, sadly. This course was new to the college. The whole department was brand new. They were kinda figuring it out as they went. If I started talking about how bad this college was in terms of teaching- I would go on and on. But it was quite shit so naturally I didn't go to this college very regularly either. It made me feel sad and unmotivated. So I would stay at home and draw. Both my parents would be at work so they wouldn't know 🥸 I did manage to get the degree in the end though 🎓👍🏽

Because my college was shitty, I spent a lot of time on the internet. Instagram was very new to me at the time. I came across B*zzf**d (🤢) comics on Instagram and found them funny! Then I wondered what would happen if I made comics like that. So I started making my own and shared them with my friends and eventually on Instagram. I would make and post consistently without thought- it was freeing and exciting!

Around 2017, my comics started reaching more and more people. Thanks to the popular memes and comics pages that shared them. Suddenly I was "famous" on Instagram. Something I never signed up for. It was as detrimental to my wellbeing as it was helpful. As a 20 year old with no friends to comfortably confide in at the time, being popular on the internet meant that I could share everything I was feeling with strangers who would listen and relate to me. So I started doing just that. My comics became deeply personal, I was an open book online and a closed book offline. I can't imagine doing that now but I'm proud of the fact that I showed up with my thoughts and vulnerabilities even though I cringe at all of my past works now 😬

I was surrounded by many webcomic artists who were consistent and loving. It's because of them that I started taking my comics seriously and considered making a living through them. I started my Patreon in 2017. I had 8 subscribers all year and 50K+ followers on Instagram. I had a few haters who would message me making fun of my 'patrons to followers' ratio and the fact that I was asking for support for my work because they didn't see value in my comics. It really got to me and I secretly started feeling embarrassed about everything.

My self esteem was super low. I would also get hate from stupid people for experimenting with my drawing style (?). I feel like this really messed me up fundamentally lol but I can move past it quickly now. It doesn't matter! It never mattered! I had EIGHT patrons. That's EIGHT people from around the world. EIGHT is better than ZERO! The only thing I miss about that time is the sense of community and connection I had with my audience.

Aaaaaaa I didn't mean to get into all of this. I'm writing stream-of-consciousness-ly. But 8 patrons became 10 and 20 and 30. At one point it became 60! My peak! I've always wanted to hit my goal of a 100 patrons. It has never happened in the 9 years I've been on here. It does make me feel like I'm not good enough at times but I can snap out of it. Now the number is back to 30 something patrons but I'm not complaining. These people have stuck around even when I haven't made comics consistently because of various reasons. They have been my rock and my paper and my scissors. (Sorry what does this mean lol it sounds nice tho) They make me feel like an artist even when I'm not making. I wouldn't even be doing it for this long if it weren't for their support. I'm horribly grateful for them. For you. Thank you for giving me a platform to share and vent my most shameful thoughts at times. 🧿

I had never ever imagined this would be the path I'd end up on and that too for a decade! 🔟🔟🔟 I do however question my career choice at times because of the financial stress I'm constantly under. And financial stress leads to creative stress. Its a vicious cycle...I don't quite know how to fix it yet. But I've met incredible people along the way who make me believe that I WILL fix it. And I've only met them because I chose to do this for a living! Although I haven't made many things in the last two years because of big life changes and I feel guilty but I will start sharing new work soon! 🍅

One thing that I want to remember is that growth is inevitable when I am doing things. I have grown through my feelings of stagnation- I have grown alongside my feelings stagnation. It's only because I was doing things. I mostly felt stagnated because I wanted quicker results and wanted to be better faster which nullifies all the doings. But it is impossible for me to be better fast without being slow. Fast is slow 🤠👍🏽

Funnily enough, I'm currently in a feeling of stagnation. It's quite saddening! Maybe I will start by making something.

Anything!

As often as possible!

As little as possible!

As much as possible!

Thank you for reading my words. I have more to say but I will stop here! 🛑

Feel free to join my Patreon as a free or paid member! Let's try to move away from Instagram a little bit 🚙💨

♥️

Aditi :•)