My mood was ruined and if the smug bitch responsible didn’t zip her mouth shut I was going to shove my boot down it instead.
Wonder Mom didn’t look much happier either, but she still sounded the same as she normally did.
“Are you sure you want to present your accusation, sister, even after everything we just endured?”
“It’s the sacred law of our land.” An either suicidally brave or obstinately stupid Amazon insisted. “It must be upheld, no matter the circumstances.”
“And it will be. After we honor the Justice League for their role in defending Themyscira and preventing Hades’ escape.”
I saw the stupid one wince a bit at that, which meant she knew her demand was stupid and she did it anyway. And even though Wonder Mom was the Queen, she couldn’t just ignore the laws – especially not when someone called out a violation.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she was actually bound by magic to enforce them fairly.
“Califa,” Wonder Mom said as she looked my way. “I know you overheard that. Please, just let it lie for now.”
“It's stupid. They’re picking out useless details when the alternative was Hades escaping and doing whatever he wanted.” I scowled. “Like somehow banishing one of the few people that actually stopped him while they were all statues makes sense.”
“And they know that. But opening Themyscira back up to the wider world is a slow and in some cases, unpopular decision and in this case the law is clear. As I’ve said I have a duty to uphold. I just ask you don’t do anything impulsive.”
“They can still walk, can’t they?” I grumbled.
She was right though.
Arguing right now wouldn’t do anything helpful, so while the Amazons were setting up a small ceremony to reward the Justice League – I started thinking how to skirt around Wonder Woman getting herself banished from the Island for daring to save them all.
I just had to figure out how to somehow override the Queen’s authority on the issue when it was a pretty open and shut case.
-o-
While I was still pondering over that, the Justice League arrived with the Javelin and joined the small group of guards that were there for the award ceremony. All of them had taken a moment to clean up a bit and line up in a… mostly respectful line in front of the Queen. Flash was busy trying to flirt with one of the Royal Guards and failing horribly.
Meanwhile, Wonder Woman and Donna returned with several golden laurels that the Amazons used as awards for great victories.
It also figured the one time I could have used more time to think was the one time the Amazons’ ceremony lasted all of five minutes.
“... and for your brave assistance against the sorcerer Faust and the mad god Hades, you have earned our eternal gratitude.” Wonder Mom said, finishing up her speech. “Before you leave, please accept these royal offerings.” She made a slight gesture which was the signal for Wonder Woman and a few others to present the laurels to the rest of us. “You are all truly heroes.”
I accepted mine sullenly. I knew what was next.
“Diana, princess of Themyscira, stand forth.”
Wonder Woman stoically walked forward and bowed to her Queen.
“Diana, as your mother I am overjoyed that you returned to us.” Wonder Mom said with a small smile before it died on her face. “But as your Queen I am obliged to render judgement on the law you have broken.” She waved a hand over the members of the Justice League. “By bringing these Outsiders into Themyscira without authorization, you have broken one of our most sacred laws. This cannot be overlooked.”
“Hold on now–” Superman began protesting, but was silenced by another wave of the Queen’s hand.
“Diana, I have no choice. It is with a heavy heart that I must exile you from Themyscira.”
“You can’t do that!” Flash exploded and began walking forward. “She risked her butt to save all of you. She– hey!” Only to get cut off when he got too close to the Queen and the guards pointed their spears at him warningly.
Superman also stepped forward to argue but this time he was stopped by Wonder Woman directly. “Enough. Mother’s right. I did break the law. And I humbly accept her judgement.”
“Well I don’t.”
It took me a second after everyone turned to look at me to realise I had been the one to say that.
“You have something to say, Califa?” The look on the Queen’s face heavily suggested I’d better not. But the law or not, what was happening right now was wrong and I wasn’t going to keep quiet about it.
“Yes,” I said instead as my brain went into overdrive trying to think of a plan even though I’d been trying to come up with one for almost half an hour already and had nothing.
I’d just have to improvise.
“The punishment doesn’t fit the circumstances. I demand arbitration.”
“Can- can she do that?” I heard Donna whisper off to the side.
Which was a good question. Could I actually do that?
“Califa is recognized as a full warrior of Themyscira. She does have the right to ask for arbitration.” The Queen said firmly.
Which… good. I bought myself a little more time.
“Who do you name as your arbitrator, Califa?”
Crap, not that much time then. Okay think, she’s basically asking who I want to argue against the decision of the Queen, right? I needed someone who knew Amazonian law and was willing to go against the Queen herself upholding one of the most sacred laws on the island.
…there was no one like that on the island, was there?
The Queen must have seen me come to that realization because she sent me a look that made my stomach twist. Like I’d lost already and she was waiting for me to admit it.
“I name…” I started anyway, because not saying anything just meant I admitted it even if I was coming up blank.
And then a flash of light caught my eye and I had an idea that would either work perfectly or would have the Amazons after my head next.
I took a deep breath and gave everyone a sharp smile that had a few of the guards adjusting their grip on their spears.
“...I name the God of Justice as my arbitrator.”
-o-
As it turned out, calling for a god to judge whether an exile was valid or not was something someone could do.
It just… wasn’t really done because gods really didn’t like being bothered for a lot of reasons.
One of those reasons was that someone had to actually reach out and see if the god was interested in being involved at all, which is what the Queen and most of the other Amazons not busy cleaning up the island were doing now.
The rest of us were told to sit tight and not do anything until they came back.
“You idiot! Do you have any idea what you just did!” Donna hissed in my face as she did her best to either strangle me or shake me to death.
“Hopefully bought enough time for the next stage of my plan.” I replied once I got her to stop shaking me.
“Which is?!”
I looked away from her. “...I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
Wonder Woman walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. “Even if nothing comes of it, I’m thankful you still tried to defend me.” She said, “It means a lot.”
That odd feeling came back and I sort of awkwardly shuffled to the side. “I had to do something. Even if it was the law, it was wrong.”
“Yeah it was!” Flash agreed, “And don’t worry, Cali, whatever this arbitration thing is - you’ve got this.”
“Thats does depend on what arbitration actually means in this case.” Martian Manhunter commented, turning to Wonder Woman. “Can you explain what the process is?”
Wonder Woman sighed. “Arbitration is more of a catch-all term that changes on context, but in this case it’s a request to have someone else step in when they feel the judgement on a decision is in error. Normally, it would go to an equal or higher authority such as my Mother… but in this case Califa is challenging the decision of the Queen and asked the gods to arbitrate. If they accept to hear it, there is no one that can challenge the final result. Even if they decide to make the initial judgement harsher.”
She caught my eye and stared. “Which means there is a possibility you could be exiled too if it goes poorly. Or worse.”
I just grinned back at her. “Then that means we just have to win, right?”
Wonder Woman didn’t smile back. “It means you have to convince your arbitrator that the judgment of a law put in place by Lord Zeus and very clearly broken was wrong. That won’t be easy, especially with who you chose as your arbiter.”
“Why’s that?” Superman asked. “She asked for the God of Justice, right? Seems to me that would be the perfect person to go to. Justice isn’t always about laws.”
“The problem with that is who the God of Justice is.” Batman explained.
“Wait, why?” Flash asked, “Shouldn’t they be like the perfect god for the job?”
“Zeus is the god of Justice.” Batman continued. “Califa is asking him to make a judgment against a law he personally put in place. And historically gods do not like admitting they could have made a mistake.”
Oh.
I… did not actually know that.
I’d thought the blind lady with the scales and sword was the god of justice since they were the one on all the courthouses outside Themyscira and the Amazons didn’t always make a distinction between god and goddess when talking about them.
Before I could think about what naming Zeus as arbiter actually meant for all of us, the Queen and her guards came back. And I noticed all of them looked a little shell-shocked for some reason.
“Lord Zeus has agreed to arbitrate the case.” The Queen said, ”Please follow me.”
“Where are we going?” Flash asked before I could.
“Lord Zeus has agreed to arbitrate the case personally.” The Queen repeated. “As such you have all been invited to Mount Olympus to present your arguments.”
Oh, that was neat. Zeus actually agreed? I got the feeling that everyone assumed he would refuse to hear me and now didn’t know what to make of it.
I was kinda in the same boat.
At this point any semblance of a plan was out the window and I was fully just improvising.
And now I was being told I’d be meeting the king of the gods in a slightly scuffed uniform covered in ash and smelling like brimstone.
I looked down at myself and pulled at a loose thread on my sleeve.
Okay, not great for a first impression. But if I was already improvising…
I turned to Batman. “How long would it take to get me a blue suit, a briefcase, and a boombox?”