The following days were the worst in a long time.
Constance watched Rosie post on social media to announce her weight-loss journey and get much support. There seemed to be a group of skinny girls who decided to take Rosie as their project. They cheered her on whenever she posted a gym selfie or picture of her healthy meals. Even on campus, Rosie seemed to only hang out with them, ignoring Constance completely.
At first, Constance had tried to distract herself with food. But going out to buffets on her own proved to be lackluster. She missed Rosie’s influence on her eating habits and her bubbly attitude. Sitting alone in a restaurant only reminded Constance of the good times that were over.
Constance could no longer push herself to eat the massive amounts she needed to keep gaining weight without Rosie. Her gain thus halted, and she remained at 260 pounds. Luckily, her body was so addicted to food that it still forced her to eat enough to maintain her blubbery figure.
Still, without the excitement of her growing body, Constance felt empty inside again. She constantly reflected on how embarrassed her parents had been about her and how ecstatic it had made her feel. She wanted to continue a life that made them look down on her. But not only them. Ever since the wedding, she craved to be looked down upon by everyone she met.
Her fat body already helped her with that, but it was not enough. She needed to find something new.
As Constance lay on her couch, contemplating how she could improve her life again, an image of her mother walking outside the wedding venue flashed before her eyes. The disapproving look she had given the people standing outside gave Constance an idea of what she could do next.
That night, Constance fell asleep smiling again.
***
Constance felt giddy when she sat in the canteen, eating lunch with her friends the following day. As always, she scarfed down her big meal in record time and enjoyed feeling her warm, full belly while chatting.
When everyone was finished, Constance’s anticipation rose when her friend Valerie spoke up.
“I’ll step outside for a minute for a smoke.”
“I’ll join you,” Constance answered and got up while her friends looked at her in surprise.
She waddled behind Valerie, who looked at her with raised eyebrows once they were outside.
“Is there anything you want to talk about with me?”
“No,” Constance answered, “but I wanted to ask you if I could have a cigarette.”
“Really? I remember you proclaiming that smokers always smell bad. And now you want to smoke?”
“I’m sorry about what I said. I just need something to help me relax, and I think a smoke would be perfect.”
“Suit yourself,” Valerie said as she handed over her pack of cigarettes.
Constance took out a cigarette and lit it. She struggled to suppress her need to cough after her first drag but managed to hold it together. She still didn’t like the smell but knew it was the right thing to do when her head started getting slightly dizzy from the nicotine.
Valerie watched her bemused while Constance finished her cigarette, only coughing occasionally.
“So, do you still think smoking will help you relax?” she asked and laughed.
Constance giggled. “I feel pretty good, actually. Can you text me when you’re having another smoke break later? I’d like to join you again.”
“Sure thing,” Valerie replied, “but I’m only letting you smoke my cigarettes today. If you want to keep smoking with me tomorrow, bring your own pack.”
Constance smiled and felt her body tingle at the thought of buying her own pack of cigarettes.
***
At the end of the day, after two more smoke breaks with Valerie, Constance couldn’t get to the kiosk fast enough. After her purchase, she stepped outside and lit her first own cigarette.
A couple walked by and shot her a grossed-out look.
“Imagine being so fat and also a smoker. Some people have no self-restraint,” she heard the woman say to her partner.
Perfect, Constance thought and took another drag. She barely felt the need to cough anymore.