(screaming lenny art: @roobzmakesstuff )
Hi everybody! Happy- checks calendar -FFFFUCK
Oh boy.
Okay. I'm not doing the whole "🥺👉👈 h-hi guys you don't hate me do u" shtick because that's really not my deal, but I am sincerely sorry about not posting and I am eternally thankful to every one of you who've stayed subscribed through all of this. I'm permanently indebted to all of you for continuing to support me, because you've kept "financial ruin" off of the shit-pile through which I've been digging for the past few months.
I have had a hell of a shock to my mental health since August, in which almost every major psychological or emotional problem I've failed to deal with in the past ~3 years has suddenly hit like a freight train. Sorry if that sounds cheesy or dumb, but I genuinely don't know how else to describe the way it's felt. The result has been a complete failure to get work done, leading to missed deadlines, which then lead to me feeling worse, which meant further failure to get work done... 🔁 ...further compounded by how difficult it is to do any form of creative writing when your brain's in the shit-can. Luckily, I saw my doctor two weeks ago and turned what was supposed to be a 10-minute prescription re-up into a 1hr+ sob session. Unloading to my doc helped, plus he changed my prescription, and I'm (tentatively; trying not to jinx it) seeing some improvements.
I've been active on the Discord and slightly active on my Twitter, but I've neglected to leave any updates here or interact with comments and that sucks. Often, "facing my audience after numerous missed deadlines and an overall lack of content" feels like an insurmountable barrier against even OPENING patreon, for me, because it reminds me of how much I've failed to get done, which makes it harder to get things done...again: 🔁
I'm trying as hard as I can to get things put back together again, I really am. I already mentioned talking openly and honestly with my doctor, and I've been trying to rebuild connections with family and friends to put myself in a better headspace. I'm trying to get back on the horse, because I genuinely love doing my job and I miss doing it consistently and doing it to my personal standard for quality. And to be clear: I'm not posting this to get sympathy or "headpats" or whatever, nor am I trying to form some kind of parasocial personal bond with all of you - I'm just trying to be open and honest about what's been going on so that you can be informed and (hopefully) understand that I'm not disappearing or whatever. I'm still doing this as my full-time job, and I'm NOT permanently cutting back on content or anything of that sort.
So where do we go from here? Well:
I'm finishing all of the Halloween audios and that other two-part from the August schedule. The scripts are written, they're getting done.
All the scripts I've written since June are going up soon. I've just gotta export and format them correctly.
I'm not releasing a proper schedule for November. November is "no stress, no deadlines, all catch-up" month (However I'll also try to do something fun for Thanksgiving, because honestly the hawaiian rolls audio was peak and I crave that kind of insane energy lmao)
I want December to be a "return to normal". I'm talking weekly Wednesday/Saturday uploads, back on the grind, etc.
Streaming will ONLY resume once I'm comfortably back on track. Audio content is my #1 priority: it's why you're all here, and it's what pays the bills. Streaming is more of a casual hobby, so it doesn't resume until I'm getting my actual work done. Expect possible occasional one-off wacky streams for special events, like my last-minute not-quite-fully-IRL stream on election night.
I'm doing my best to get back on top of things, I swear. Perhaps more importantly, I'm trying to be more transparent and open with y'all so that you don't think I've stopped making content or died or something.
I'm just trying to get back to normal, y'all. Love all of you for sticking around through all of this, and I can't wait to make more audio roleplay or asmr or audio porn (or whatever you wanna call this stuff) for you 💜
PS: Don't be surprised if you get another curveball a la the "ground control" audio in the near future. sometimes I make the stuff that I need to hear. just bear with me and I'll go right back to confessions and dorks right after I promise lolol