Good Initiative, Bad Judgment.
Right, so a few minutes had passed, and I could comfortably say that we were fucked. Not ‘a little bit fucked,’ either. No, this was the long, hard dick of the universe reaching through time and space to bend us over and skull-fuck each of us with no fewer than two-hundred and fifty-six high-explosive anti-ship meat mallets.
How did I know there were that many, you ask? Well, the ship told me, obviously, but not only did I have time to manually count each of those little red blips, I had enough time to do it twice, just for fun.
Oh, but Kozlov, I can hear you say, wouldn’t this be a good time to strategize and start preparing for this really shitty situation? Another great question! Those were my thoughts, exactly, and I was just enough of a dumb bitch to show initiative on a warship.