By the time Taylor was escorted out of the conference room, Armsmaster had already begun discussing Oni Lee further with the other heroes. Unfortunately, she did not get to hear the rest of it.
Instead, she got Jessica Yamada. Again.
Taylor sat in a chair that was probably going to be designated as hers soon with how frequently she might be seeing the woman, staring at a bookshelf while Jessica sat into the seat across from her.
The office was exactly the same as she remembered, so she barely paid attention to it, focusing instead on Jessica.
She placed her hands in her lap, leaning forward slightly. "I've been brought up to speed."
"I'm sorry to hear that,” Taylor said.
To Jessica's credit, she only smiled slightly. "I understand you've died a number of times recently."
Taylor fidgeted minutely in her seat. "A number, yes."
"And you've lost track?"
"After a while they start blending together, especially if it happens back-to-back."
Jessica was quiet for a moment, then she spoke: "Does that concern you?"
Taylor considered the question with a thoughtful frown before shaking her head. "No."
The answer came easily enough. It also seemed to be the wrong answer, judging by the look Jessica gave her.
"What?" Taylor asked.
"You don't find that unusual?"
Taylor frowned. "I don't find a lot of things unusual."
"Taylor."
Said girl sighed.
The problem was that she genuinely didn't know how to explain it. Everyone kept acting like dying repeatedly was supposed to affect her in some specific way, and maybe it already did. But after a certain point, did it matter as long as it didn't stop her from doing what was necessary?
Pain was another matter entirely though. She still remembered burning, choking on her own blood, and waking up gasping and shaking and wishing she could claw those memories out of her head. But death itself was usually the part where the suffering stopped.
In some way, it was actually relieving.
"I don't like it," Taylor said eventually, her lips downturned. "I don't enjoy dying."
Jessica nodded slightly. "But?"
Taylor looked away. "But it's hard to care about something when I know it won't stick."
As the words hung between them in the room, Jessica studied her carefully. "And that's the part everyone is worried about."
Taylor rubbed at her forehead with a sigh. "Why?" she asked.
Jessica blinked, and the reaction seemed genuine enough that Taylor almost felt bad.
"Because most people are afraid of dying."
"I'm not most people."
"No," Jessica agreed softly. "You're not."
Taylor leaned back in her chair, eyes facing upwards.
The ceiling was annoyingly plain and not enough to keep her attention for more than a few seconds. She turned back to the woman.
"If somebody told you that every time you tripped and fell, you'd wake up five minutes earlier completely fine, eventually you wouldn't be scared of falling anymore."
"That's not quite the same thing."
"It kind of is."
Jessica's expression suggested otherwise.
Taylor let out a longer breath, closing her eyes momentarily. "Look, I know death is supposed to be a big deal, and it is a big deal.” A pause. “For everyone else."
The words sounded harsher out loud than they had in her head, but she continued anyway. "I know what happens when I die. I wake up again, maybe a few hours earlier. Maybe a few days. Whatever. It doesn't change the fact that I wake up."
Jessica didn't reply, so Taylor found herself talking before she could stop. "The part that scares me isn't dying." She swallowed. "It's the stuff before that."
For the first time since entering the office, Jessica's expression became more confused than exasperated. But Taylor barely paid attention to that, her mind recalling the feel of the flames, knives, and even Bakuda’s bombs. The countless ways a person could suffer before finally reaching the part where everything stopped.
Taylor looked down at her hands. "I don't think people get that."
"No," Jessica said with an understanding sigh. "I think you're right."
The room fell silent.
Outside the office, someone walked past the door. Taylor listened to the fading footsteps. Meanwhile, somewhere else in the building, Armsmaster and the others were probably still discussing ways to deal with the teleporting psychopath.
Honestly, that sounded like the better conversation to be part of.
Jessica followed her gaze knowingly. "You'd rather be in the strategy meeting."
"Obviously."
A small smile tugged at Jessica's lips, and Taylor groaned. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"The therapist thing."
"The therapist thing?"
"Where you act like I just revealed something important."
Jessica's smile widened slightly.
Taylor immediately regretted speaking. For some reason, therapists always seemed happiest when people accidentally revealed vital information to them.