I found myself feeling weak-kneed as I was left to confront the alien, alone against a non-Arata entity with absolute power. If I didn’t go through with this, what would happen to Keensty when he was immediately caught? Sagua couldn’t go that ballistic from me approaching her and testing the waters. I could see her in my mind’s eye, anger smoldering in her dark pupils as she flicked me straight back to my room. Perhaps she would do that and free me from this obligation.
I peeked inside the cafeteria, my throat clamming up. The human sat alone at a table, and to my bewilderment, her slumped posture indicated defeat; exhaustion was plastered all over her face. Sagua was pushing food around her plate like she’d lost her appetite. She set her fork down with disinterest and held her head in her hands. I thought I could hear her…sniffling? It was so mundane, and a far cry from the petrifying display back in the lounge.
The alien is acting like someone who’s had a soul-crushing shift at work. Maybe she is just exhausted from keeping us in line?
“Hello?” I called out, forcing myself to inch forward. I froze and felt my fur stand on end, as her head snapped up. “I’m s-sorry for intruding. You looked like you could use company, but, ah, you probably don’t want to deal with us on your private time. Forgive me! Um, I…I just wanted to apologize for causing so much trouble for you. It was…stressful waking up here after dying in the war, and I wasn’t at my best.”
Sagua perked up a bit, and her face brightened. “You’re not intruding! I was a bit harsh too. I’m sorry if I scared you; I just don’t know how else I’m supposed to make you listen. It breaks my heart to see so much hatefulness, but I’m glad to hear one of you acknowledge that. You…you really want to talk? What’s your name?”
“Lucren.” The human looked so hopeful and starved for positive attention that I couldn’t help but to feel bad. “May I…call you Sagua? I don’t know how to address aliens.”
“Yes! Please, join me!” Sagua patted a seat with a flash of her teeth, and a plate of food that matched her own appeared in front of me. She concentrated for a moment, materializing silverware from a shimmering goo. “These are called baby back ribs, if you’d like some! I hope you don’t mind nanobot silverware. We had to remove the cutlery from the station since those are prime weapons apparently.”
I picked up the silverware and tested the meat, finding that it was soaked in sauce and falling apart at the bones. The extraterrestrial food smelled really good, not to mention that it’d be rude to be leery after she’d shared her meal with me. I hoped that I could eat the same critters as a human, or that it wouldn’t taste too funky. It felt bizarre to be chowing down on an alien creature for my meal, but the incredible taste made my eyes pop as soon as it hit my tongue. I hummed in appreciation, losing the last of my reservations.
The immortal aliens know how to cook. I shouldn’t be surprised with all of their capabilities. Is there anything they haven’t mastered?
Sagua leaned forward, a wistful look in her eyes. “When I was a kid, my dad…Preston from the videos…he used to barbecue anything and everything. I remember playing outside while he stood at the grill, breathing in the smoke. My mom would wrap her arms around his waist and they’d both watch us. Those were wonderful summers that felt like they’d never end. I needed a taste of home today, to bring that feeling back.”
I was a bit taken aback to hear her describe such ordinary childhood memories. Preston was her father, then; -svran wasn’t just a common suffix. Her dad had described himself as a founder of the Watcher program, so maybe she’d gotten herself into this because it was the family business? Perhaps it was expected of her, even, and she didn’t want to be here at all. With that said, Sagua seemed fond of her family, not resentful.
Fuck, I couldn’t believe I was thinking about her resurrecting every dead person on Teska as a “family business.” This was insane. Right now, Sagua seemed tranquil and even relatable. If she was so forthcoming talking to me, perhaps it’d help to understand her. Maybe she could do the same to us, if she really was ignorant about how monstrous those Pelsyl she was bringing back were!
“It’s none of my business, but you seem pretty down. Are you okay?” I ventured.
Surprise flashed on Sagua’s face, before she exhaled a flustered breath. “No, not at all. I shouldn’t say this to an Arata, but shit, you’re the first one I’ve met that’s willing to listen. I expected the Watcher’s life to be more than this. My dad always talks about how close he is to the Liberi, the love between them, the joy of guiding them and looking out for them. I wanted that, but with this chaos, I can’t even find a moment of basic decency.”
“I’m sorry. I hope you don’t think too poorly of us. Many of us just came from the battlefield, and it’s a lot to take in. You brought us back from the dead though, so I’m grateful for that. You’re owed some respect in my book. I can’t imagine how you deal with all of this.”
The alien scoffed. “I can’t imagine how I’m supposed to deal with this either! There are other Watchers here, but there’s so few that I’m basically alone. We were understaffed, because we weren’t prepared for how many deaths would happen in the war, and that was before half of our staff quit because of how hateful your people are! We can’t turn around for two seconds without you trying to kill each other! It’s only growing more untenable. More and more dead Aratas keep coming, every second.”
Half of the staff quit? “How many new, um, dead people do you get a day?”
“Tap your foot a few times.” Sagua rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes, before reopening them. “Each tap, someone died. It won’t stop, and I’m not getting any more of my people to help. I couldn’t talk to all of you, if I wanted to. Right now, we have a ratio of one Watcher to two million Aratas. Good luck hiring anyone new, when this place is a radioactive hellhole that chews through people. I think half the station wants me dead. You can’t accept each other, so why would you trust me?”
I blinked several times. I’m happy to believe that aliens could be better people than Pelsyl, just by seeing civility and such advancement. “I…don’t know what to say. Why don’t you quit, if it’s that bad of a…job to be here?”
Her black eyes locked directly on mine. “Lucren. With each Watcher that quits, it gets more impossible for those who stick around. If I leave, who’s going to stay? What are we going to do? Let the station burn? Put everyone down like animals?”
A chill ran down my spine, as I processed Sagua’s final words. If these aliens decided Aratas were no longer worth saving, they could put all of us back to being dead. That prospect terrified me, and it was all I could manage not to fall to the floor and beg her to spare me. Realization flashed in her eyes nonetheless, and she lowered them apologetically. That didn’t assure me at all. Maybe it was in my interest to help the Watchers, since if everyone on their staff quit, that would mean the end of this eternal life program. We needed them.
Sagua sounds like a surprisingly kind person, like she wants to save as many of us as possible out of the goodness of her heart. It’s just a job to these Watchers, but to us, it’s whether we keep this…gift. They think we’re radioactive?!
“I’m sorry for scaring you, Lucren. That’s not going to happen. I have to believe there’s something beautiful in your people that’s worth saving, and find a way to bring that out.” Sagua reached across the table and patted my hand; her skin was surprisingly soft. “Being a Watcher is in my genes. I’ll figure this out, because the alternative is everyone dies. I don’t want that.”
I sucked in a sharp breath, my own appetite stripped away by the shakiness of my insides. “R-right. Tell me how I can help.”
“Honestly? I think I could really use a hug, so I can have one positive memory of your people.”
That request caught me a little off-guard, though Sagua wasn’t as intimidating as she’d been when she was trying to disperse us all. I obliged without too much hesitation, desperate to comfort her and give her some reason to like us. I had to buy time, not just for Keensty, but for all of Aratakind! If the Watchers were going to pull the plug on our second life soon, I had to find a way out of here faster than ever…and take as many Treysyl with me as possible.
Fuck, I hope she doesn’t catch Keensty. If she does, she might quit on the spot! I feel bad for Sagua too, since she seems sincere about wanting to help. I think I like her as a person, even if she’s a freaky alien. She’s already better than the Pelsyl.
I rested my cheek against the human’s warm shoulder, finding it to be more snug than expected. “That’s noble of you to refuse to give up, just to preserve our lives. We can make this work. I’ll do whatever I can!”
“Thank you, but please, just forget I said that,” she coughed, pulling back. “Enough about me. Like you said, this was all overwhelming for you, and…I can see reasons to extend grace, given the circumstances. Is there anything you wanted to ask me?”
“A lot of things, Sagua, but I don’t want to make you do work off the clock. You deserve to relax.”
“I don’t mind. You deserve your answers, especially since you’re the first Arata who’s been…pleasant. And you let me unload all of that. It was inappropriate to burden you with my venting.”
“You didn’t burden me at all. I’m glad I know how you’re feeling, and, um, I’d like it if we managed to trust each other. That could be the start of the connection you wanted from the Watchers; it’s at least the first step. Please, feel free to talk to me about anything at any time.”
Sagua chuckled. “Only if you do the same, Lucren. I understand that you must have concerns and confusion. Ask me anything.”
“How old are you?” I blurted before I could think better of it.
The alien arched an eyebrow. “In my culture, you never ask a lady her age. Would you like me to admit I’m old?”
“No! I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. I just heard that you’re immortal, so I was wondering, um, how long…”
“Ha, I understand why you’re asking. I’m just teasing! I’m a second-generation immortal, so I guess I’m up there in years even by human standards. Three-million-and-ninety-four as of two days ago. Happy birthday to me!”
My jaw hung open at Sagua’s casual proclamation of her age. While I’d never seen a human before today, her skin looked so youthful that it was tough to imagine that she was older than my species! Holy fuck, that was primordial! The way she spoke of her father and her childhood like it was yesterday, I never would’ve guessed that she was millions of years old. All of that technology and her age, but when I broke down the thoughts she was expressing, they seemed so…ordinary.
“Happy birthday,” I croaked, my eyes going glassy as I failed to process that number. It was unfathomable, the ages she’d witnessed and the things she must know.
Sagua leaned back. “Time is relative. To think any stretch of it is long, that’s just perception. The trick is to get old enough that perception doesn’t matter. Eternity…simply is. That constancy isn’t daunting; it’s a comfort that for a million tomorrows, the sun rises. It bids you to look at the today right in front of you.”
“How does that help to figure out what to do with all of this? I don’t know what to do with tomorrow tomorrow!” I exclaimed, my voice climbing in pitch as my charm crumbled. “Sorry. The million tomorrows thing is…I don’t know where to begin.”
“Yes, you do. You know how to look at today and decide whether you can live a million of them on repeat. You know when something has to change. Tell me, Lucren, does hatred make you happy? Do you really want to spend a million tomorrows killing Pelsyl? Killing, killing, killing for all eternity?”
“What?” No. I really don’t, which is why we just have to take them out once and for all. It’s not even about want, it’s about helping my people! “I didn’t say anything to you about hatred.”
“No, but I scanned my memories when you apologized. I saw you going right back to the battlefield when you got here.”
I stood up, feeling defensive at the abrupt interrogation. “I apologized! I woke up with no idea where I was, abducted by aliens who gave a ratty explanation for what the fuck was going on, and find out I died and the place is crawling with the enemy. Can’t you understand that? You have no idea what they’re like!”
I froze in horror, feeling the sudden burst of passion die down in my chest. I was supposed to be charming and complimenting Sagua, not criticizing her for giving the new life that I wanted to keep. She’d just explained to me how unmanageable this was from her perspective, and I chose now to get worked up over the stressful, overwhelming ordeal? Fuck, the word “abducted” should’ve never left my lips; now she was going to know my true feelings, and there went any hope of a connection!
What other defense do I even have, when she’s digging into my feelings on the Pelsyl? It should be obvious. Ugh, Sagua is going to snap her fingers and kick me out.
The human sat judging me for a full minute, before nodding. “You have no idea who we are. I’m not your enemy, Lucren. Please, take a breath. I know you’ve been through a lot, but I really do want to help you. I want to understand why you…it must be miserable to live in such vitriol. The only emotion worse than hate is apathy, because the latter doesn’t care at all, even in the absolute negative.”
“I’m sorry for getting upset and speaking so freely. Nothing that happened in the war, or how I woke up, is your fault. It’s just tough to cope with everything that’s changed,” I offered in a timid voice, sitting back down.
“That’s okay. I don’t expect you to be perfect. Emotions are tricky no matter how much practice you have. We need to have these conversations, if we’re ever going to heal and find a solution. That’s how you can take the first step to helping, Lucren. You said I have ‘no idea what they’re like.’ Why don’t you explain it to me? Why do you despise the Pelsyl?”
“Well, I could try to explain it. I hope you’ll listen.” I was worried that Sagua would think that I was hateful and not worth saving, just like everyone else, but that ship had sailed. There was no sense in denying it. “How would you feel if someone attacked people you cared about, over and over again? Would you begin to think that that’s who they are: monsters who attack you? Who take people you love from you? I know you live forever, but that pain is…”
“I’ve known grief. Grief for an entire species, that’s kept its talons in my mother for millions of years, but that’s neither here nor there.” Sagua’s eyes glimmered with a surprising tinge of sympathy, and I found myself relaxing a bit; I’d lost the bashful fear. I did enjoy her company, though it wasn’t clear if the feeling was mutual. “No one likes threats or people who hurt them, Lucren. Were you…hurt? Perhaps early in life?”
I cleared my throat, trying to hold back the burning in my eyes. “My father was on the Mainbeam, a cruise ship that got shot by the Pelsyl in international waters. A bunch of harmless civvies on a fucking vacation. I don’t know how much you know about Arata affairs, but it was an international incident.”
The alien leaned in, narrowing her eyes. “Your dad went on a cruise without his wife?”
“That’s what you focus on? She had to watch the kids. We weren’t very old, so they didn’t want to bring us. He was a great dad, but even great dads need getaways. Couples cover for each other; didn’t yours?!”
“I…I’m sorry, Lucren. I just found that odd, but you’re right: it’s neither important nor my place to judge. It’s a grave atrocity to shoot a civilian ship, and another one for a child not to have their father. I adored mine to bits too, as much of a character as he is. I’ll definitely look into the Mainbeam and learn more about what happened.”
I closed my eyes, taking in a steadying breath. “Thank you. It’s…a sore subject, though it’s one you have to know if you want to be our friend. You don’t want to be blind to the truth so long that the Pelsyl take advantage of you. You seem like a good person. I…don’t know if anything can hurt you, but I’d hate to see you get hurt.”
“I see. Thank you for speaking with me, Lucren, but I need time to do some research and give you an honest appraisal. Right now, I think I’d like to be alone for a bit. I’ll be in touch, if you’d be willing to talk again.”
“You want to?” It was all I could do not to show open relief or pounce on the opportunity; I’d feared that Sagua would spurn me after that frank discussion, but…she could be reasoned with. This might work. “I mean, yes, absolutely! I would love to.”
The human lifted a hand, then paused. “We see teleporting as convenience, but I don’t want to override your agency. You’ve been polite. Would you prefer to walk out on your own?”
Would I? It’s a cool magic trick, when I can agree to it. But how does she just…? “You know what? Teleport me.”
Sagua’s lips curved as if that was the correct answer, and she waved a hand at me. In the blink of an eye, I found myself back in my room. Goodness, I could never get used to that. The alien had been more receptive to conversation than I had expected; she’d seemed excited just to speak to someone who wasn’t going to make her life miserable. I felt shitty for serving as a mere distraction, but now, I had another reason to get off of this station in a hurry.
I hoped that Keensty had found something that could help us escape, in case Sagua couldn’t be persuaded who Aratakind’s savages were.
A/N - 4! Lucren meets Sagua and learns how bad the situation is among the Watchers, with mass resignations due to the Aratas’ constant in-fighting and hostility; he realizes that he needs to convince her they’re worth saving, because the program being “canned” would be far more than just a job to his people. He finds her thoughts surprisingly mundane, as shocking as her age is. However, when she asks about the Pelsyl, his true opinions slip through. He explains that his dad died on a civilian ship that was attacked by the Pelsyls, which Sagua promises to research.
How can the Watchers hope to make the Arata situation more manageable, and what will Lucren do to try to keep them happy? What do you expect Sagua to find when she researches the Mainbeam?
As always, thank you for reading and supporting!