The Watchers didn’t have much in the way of security, at least on their side of the station. I was nervous when Keensty and Ralto began leading me through ductwork and portals, but for all that they hated each other, they had their pathing down. The closer we got to the hangar bay, the more I wished I’d stayed in bed and pretended to know nothing about the escape; it felt wrong that I’d gone to the meeting spot. Sagua had trusted me, and I’d violated her trust as heinously as the people in my life.
It’s not too late to send her a text message, but no, I can’t leave Keensty and Ralto by themselves. Ralto claims that his friend is going to be waiting on the ship. Given how uninvolved this other Pelsyl was with the planning, however, Keensty’s voiced some doubts that he’s even real. I mean, Ralto does know this is dangerous, right? He’d have backup on principle.
“Cheer up, lover boy,” Keensty spoke into my mind, as we shuffled through some tight crawlspaces inside a wall. “We both have brand new bodies. We’re also legally dead. I’m gonna keep fighting, but you don’t have to. You’re free; you can be the biggest Treysyl bleeding heart that ever was!”
I didn’t dignify that comment with an answer. “Ralto, you sure you’re ready to fly this thing? I’m happy to call it off if you want a little more time. We only get one shot at this, after all.”
“Sorry, Lucren,” the Pelsyl sighed. “I know you’re reluctant on the idea of escaping. There’s a psychological condition called Torliak Syndrome, where people fall in love with their kidnappers. It’s not unheard of, though these circumstances are unusual. You don’t have to come, you know. Maybe you shouldn’t. I don’t want Sagua’s attention.”
“I have to. This all started because I tried to cause a distraction for Keensty. The least I could do for her is to make sure this shit is used for the good of Aratakind.”
“Sometimes, goodness requires sacrifice, Lucren. To protect the good people from the fucking savages.”
A dangerous glow swirled in Keensty’s eyes, his upper lip twitching. “My thoughts exactly. I have a sacrifice in mind.”
“What are you doing?!” I transmitted. My guilty conscience hated the foreknowledge that my best friend intended to murder this Pelsyl at the first opportunity. “You’ve waited all this time, because you need Ralto to fly the ship!”
“Pelsyls would all be sacrificed,” the test pilot spat, “were people like you to have their way. Nothing less than all of us dead would satisfy you, and that’s why we have to fight without restraint. We both want to go home. We both need each other. Don’t fuck it up at the end.”
Keensty growled. “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“I’m suggesting for you to use your brain, and avoid unnecessary rashness. We haven’t yet dealt with our common enemy.”
“They’re not our enemies,” I hissed. “We’re not each other’s enemies. At least, we don’t have to be.”
Ralto surveyed me, his eyes full of pity. “You really believe that, don’t you? That’s your mistake, Lucren. You think everyone is good.”
“I think everyone deserves the chance to be good. People aren’t born hateful like this.”
“No, I suppose it’s taught and passed down by the originators of evil. What a grim lineage. I judge people by their own actions, but that doesn’t paint them much better. And even when it does, good people like yourself are blind to the wickedness of those closest to them.”
I winced, reflecting upon my parents’ betrayal. “Is it a crime to trust?”
“No. Love is blind. Just try to stop trusting all the wrong people.”
Keensty had a vicious glint in his eyes, not liking the topic of conversation. I knew that the Pelsyl meant my best friend, but given that he was making me a party to his cold-blooded murder and forcing me to go back on my word, I was happy to feign ignorance to the insinuation. Ralto popped out a piece of loose paneling, and we scurried out to dive through a portal, as soon as we verified that no Watchers had a line of sight on us. My heart raced faster as we huddled against the crates.
Ralto peeked over top of them, then gestured with a paw toward the open ship to our right. “Clear. Go.”
I raced after the Pelsyl toward the ramp, finding myself the most out of shape of our group. That made sense, since they’d been traveling all over the station in their new bodies. Keensty placed a hand on my back to push me along, but I could sense his agitation. He’d been planning to kill our pilot for a long time, and now, he could almost taste the moment. He ducked inside and sealed the ship, surveying to see if Ralto’s friend existed.
“Treysyls,” a new voice spat with disgust. I spotted a familiar frame leaning against the ship’s wall, wearing the closest thing to soldier’s gear he was able to find; he seemed nothing like the distraught Arata who’d just died that I met before. “I’m watching you. Sit the fuck down.”
I gawked at him for several seconds, double checking my eyes. “Joldrin?”
The Pelsyl’s nostrils flared, and he took an accusatory step forward. “How he fuck do you know my name?!”
I staggered back, falling into a seat and mulling over who Ralto’s supposed friend was. The test pilot had wrangled a soldier into providing backup, but having a dead man’s hand system from the start: that had been a bluff to prevent us from killing him. Given the fact that I’d watched Joldrin die in real time, after the Pelsyl test pilot had approached us, he was a late addition for protection. Keensty would be livid to know there was no reason he couldn’t have just killed the stealthy “rodent.”
Joldrin must want to go home to see his family, since he knows how devastated his mother will be. His brothers must be living with the guilt after he jumped on a grenade for them. Everyone he loves is on Teska, so he was the perfect candidate to bring into this. He also gave Ralto insight into Sagua.
“Yeah, Lucren.” Ralto shot me a warning look, a silent communication not to tell Keensty about his chicanery; I thought I could see the outline of his arm under his shawl. He walked over to Joldrin, whispering something in the war hero’s ear. “Tread carefully with what you say. Private matters are private. You feel me?”
I lowered my head, not wanting to engage with the Pelsyls. “I’m here to give you the coordinates back to Teska. I haven’t done that yet, and I’m not going to if you threaten me. I’m close with Sagua, Joldrin. You two met. She…told me about you.”
Joldrin’s eyes gleamed with suspicion, before he spit on the ground. “My life isn’t any Treysyl’s business. Ralto seems to want you around if you choose not to interfere, but you better not speak another word about my private conversations with a fucking alien! Or about how I got here! You know nothing about me, imperialist scum!”
“I would like to know more about you, and what Pelsyl lives are like in general. I respect your courage, that’s all. Please, let’s all just go home, and go our separate ways. It doesn’t have to get ugly,” I finished, pleading with Keensty via a sidelong glance.
“Coordinates, please,” Ralto sighed. “If you mean to work with us, that would be a good start. None of us are going home if I don’t know where to fly.”
Guilt surged within me, bubbling and writhing. By forwarding the coordinates, I was starting the countdown toward Keensty stabbing the Pelsyls in the back; I didn’t know how I could just sit by while someone died, even if I should’ve chosen my best friend. There’d been enough lives lost forever, and I’d given him the information he needed to know to target their brains. I sucked in a sharp breath, before distributing the waypoint to Ralto. The second he got us away from the station and on course for Teska…
So far, this escape has been a rousing success, playing out like clockwork. However, it just feels like I’m failing everyone I care about, no matter what I do!
Ralto fiddled with the controls, triggering a teleportation bubble that spit us out on the other side of the hull—all I could think about was when Sagua had warped me out here, and we were joined as one. For a short time with her, none of this foolishness had mattered. I wished I could be anything other than an Arata, with much I hated all of this! Tears streamed down my face as I hung my head, while Joldrin openly studied me from across the aisle. Keensty hovered in front of me, watching the Pelsyl input the coordinates.
I could see the twitchiness in my best friend’s fingers, as he waited to grab the knife stuffed deep into his waistband. Keensty bided his time for a little while, until he could be certain he was clear of the Watcher station; he didn’t want to risk us deviating off course. Ralto’s attention seemed focused on the console, but I could tell the instant Keensty was poised to strike. All I could think about was seeing Joldrin’s heroic sacrifice, and how much Ralto and Keensty sounded alike.
Ralto warned me about the wickedness of those close to me, and he’s right. He’s so much like Keensty, that it’s like letting my best friend kill his mirror image. How can I convince anyone to work with us, if I let the Pelsyls with us die?! Ralto defended me to Joldrin, I think. More than that, he’s a person who’s not so different from any of us!
I reacted in an instant as it all boiled over. I lunged for Keensty the second he whipped out the knife, grabbing his arm and pulling him backward before he could impale it into Ralto’s head. The Pelsyl test pilot was more ready than he’d seemed, hurling throwing knives backward without looking; he released them as soon as he heard movement. Thankfully, I’d dragged my best friend to the floor, so the shivs sailed where our heads had been a half-second prior.
“What the fuck?! Lucren, you fucking traitor! I told you to stand by! You think they weren’t planning to do the exact same thing to us?!” Keensty screeched.
Ralto hissed, ripping the headrest off the pilot’s seat and brandishing it in front of himself. “Actually, only to you. I decided to spare the bleeding heart, so long as he didn’t intervene with us putting you down! You fucking animal.”
“Lies. Why would you spare a Treysyl, rodent?” Keensty elbowed me in the face and leapt to his feet, tackling the Pelsyl pilot. “Fuck you! I’ve never seen a bigger mistake that popped out of their mother’s womb!”
“Lucren, stay back. Stay out of this! Keensty started this, and you know he’s never going to quit. I’m plenty happy for you to go home and break the Treysyl’s resolve, if you want to expose your grim lineage!”
Ralto clubbed Keensty over the ears with the metal end of the headrest, while my best friend slugged the Pelsyl with manic energy. I was frozen in horror, uncertain how to feel that they’d intended to off Keensty the second we escaped; I supposed I couldn’t blame them, if they’d sensed his treachery, but that was still my best friend! I didn’t want to lose him forever. If I’d just stayed with Sagua, maybe she could’ve changed him, like we talked about! Now, if he died and I let him die, I had to live with that guilt. I forced myself to sit up, but that was all I could bring myself to do.
Joldrin retreated to the back of the ship, wrestling the shivs from the wall. “Ralto wants to spare an enemy combatant? I don’t. Treysyl are monsters that deserve death!”
The second Pelsyl, who I’d welcomed into the afterlife alongside Sagua, threw the blades at me with pure hatred in his eyes. Panic flared in my chest, without any time to react. I closed my eyes and waited for them to bury themselves into my skin, only for the pain to never arrive. I cracked open an eyelid, wondering if Joldrin had missed. Instead, I found them hovering an inch from my throat and my forehead respectively.
A familiar figure stood behind Joldrin, her black eyes as menacing as the first time she’d subdued everyone during the stationwide battle. Sagua flung her hands at the Pelsyl, without touching him, and an arc of electricity blasted him square in the chest. She placed a foot atop his sternum and pressed down ever so slightly, drawing a light crack thanks to her Sol strength; she stared at him with a clear warning storming through her gaze. Joldrin ceased trying to sit up, yelping and coughing as the nanobots started to heal the minuscule fracture.
I gawked at the alien, in one breath horrified that she’d discovered us and warped aboard, and in the next, relieved that she was here to stop this senseless death. The blade was forehead bound. She saved my life. “Sagua?”
The human gave me zero acknowledgment, teleporting right next to Keensty and Ralto. She picked them up by hand, holding their writhing bodies apart like dolls. My best friend made an attempt to drive the blade into her arm, to my absolute horror. His livid expression fizzled out, changing to one of fear as it shattered. Sagua threw him into the wall, before encasing him in nanobot roots that held him there. She turned her gaze toward Ralto, who gave a timid chuckle.
“I was just defending myself?” the Pelsyl coughed out.
Sagua set him down, continuing to stare him down. “I know. I saw everything.”
“How long have you been here?!” I gasped.
“I can watch your entire planet. I followed you this morning with nanodrones. You left last night with ‘goodbye.’ What do you think I am, a fucking idiot?!”
“No, Sagua. Look, I’m so sorry, I am…”
“Don’t start. You don’t get to apologize!” The human pursed her lips, raising a finger for silence. “I’d expect some Aratas to try to escape, but why did it have to be you?! You don’t give a damn about us or our future, you fucking viper! You started to tell me about Keensty, but then, you decided you wanted to play god. I’m an obstacle to you too. And here you are, surrounded by everyone you worked with trying to kill each other.”
“I can’t wait to help people who are suffering now! That’s wrong! Don’t you understand? You said you normally would contact species like us. I made the decision that we’re worth it too! I’ll believe people can be good, fucking dammit!”
Sagua’s face tightened, and wetness glistened by the rim of her eyes. “You lied to me about everything. I’m so unspeakably hurt and disappointed in you. I…would’ve done anything for you, Lucren. And you, you couldn’t even say goodbye before you walked out without a word. Sound like anyone you know?”
“I’m not my father!” I screamed.
“Does it matter? I can’t let you go back to Teska. I think it’s best that we…stop speaking. I wasted my time on you, clearly; you don’t give me the credit to think I learned anything in three million years. There’s no us. You don’t love me. Don’t worry, I won’t be in your way after this. Goodbye, Lucren.”
“WAIT! P-please, just see my memorywalk. I do care about you, so much. I felt all kinds of things, but I…was trying to do what was right. I’m so unspeakably sorry about my original intentions, but…I have changed, because of you. Please, see what I thought when we last spoke! I don’t want you to think of me…as ugly.”
Sagua cursed, before giving a reluctant wave of her hand. “To know one thing that’s true that went through an Arata’s heart? How you really see me? Just send it, and then I can wash my hands of this place. Of you.”
My heart was broken inside of my chest, as I found myself pleading for her mercy and terrified that she’d abandon me like everyone else. The program could be shuttered after this perceived failure to get through to us, and that meant I’d thrown away everyone’s ticket to eternal life for nothing. I swallowed hard and selected the memory, forwarding it to the human. Just like she’d bared her soul to me, it was time for her to see how horrible I truly was, and for her judgment to crash down on me.
My worst fears had come true, as I’d proven myself to be as unworthy of her love as I always knew I was.
A/N - 20! During the escape, Ralto tries to beat Keensty to the punch as they plan to take each other out as soon as they have the opportunity; the Pelsyl pilot is sympathetic enough to Lucren, realizing he truly wants peace. Sagua catches up with them mid-fight and forces them to stop, inches before Lucren would’ve been taken out by Joldrin. She’s furious with our narrator for choosing to escape after promising a future, to which he can only offer a memorywalk.
Do you think Sagua will understand when she sees it from Lucren’s perspective, or is their relationship over? How will the Watchers interpret Keensty, Ralto, and Joldrin’s violence? Do you think Ralto could get along with Lucren if Keensty wasn’t present?
As always, thank you for reading and supporting!