Shortly after my conversation with the remaining group members, I find myself strolling down the street with Kathryn walking next to me.
After Vince’s declaration to follow the original plan for now, everyone split into pairs, leaving me standing alone with Pawl staring up at me from my feet. There were nine of us, so I had assumed someone else would just form a group of three with Benny. To my surprise, Kathryn passed up pairing with Henry and Benny to pair with me.
In the end, the groups were left as Vince and Sandra, Sara and Angus, and Kathryn and I, which left Henry to take care of Benny and Pawl.
Now I walk awkwardly through the bustling city alongside a pretty girl my age while we both say nothing. It might seem kind of sad that I am still awkward around girls just like a teenager might be, but I legitimately haven’t had a one-on-one conversation with a girl since middle school.
Using to manage my nervousness, I try to pay attention to the city around me. We haven’t gotten too far from the tavern yet during our trip deeper into the city, but the streets have already become slightly less cramped than before. There is usually a lot of traffic coming into the city comprised of variously sized caravans and merchant trailers. You would think there would be less of such visitors given the fact that the sprawling city is the only one inside the entire Veil, but Master Lirin had mentioned during his various lessons that the surrounding towns are integral to the city’s supply.
With no other trade being possible due to the confinement of the Veil, the outlier towns have become central sources for almost all of the city’s needs. I hadn’t realized during my original trip up to the tavern, but the countryside is littered with such towns that specialize in various production for the main focal point of citizens in the city.
The stone buildings around me with various wood-carved embellishments are remnants of the budding city from before the Veil was established. Their age is shown in the various faded stones, or the mild erosion that has worn on the exterior, causing their owners to cover them with almost imperceptible patchwork. Overall, despite their time standing over what is theorized to be hundreds of years, the citizens have done an excellent job with upkeep. Even the tavern we had stayed at was still in prime condition and fixed with all sorts of amenities like the Master’s arrays and the newer barracks that we stayed in.
I have heard that the central rings of the city give way to newer constructs filled with painted wood, expensive marble archways, and even some mana inscribed arrays purely for visual pleasure. The city itself has no real royal line besides the king though, so this area is filled with the most skilled craftsmen and capital owners of any production land beyond the city.
Looking at the city, I can’t believe how it continues to function with such prosperous growth and beauty given the dour situation it has been subject to for longer than anyone knows. Everyone here is one slip up with the Veil away from death and destruction.
I watch as a couple walks by with their hands clasped and loving smiles directed toward one another as they enjoy a stroll down the cobbled streets. Not a worry in the world graces their features as the young man leans down to whisper something in his partner’s ear, causing a slight blush to form on her fair skinned cheeks before she playfully shoves him away.
These people have absolute belief in the Veil, and in turn their king. No one has heard from the disciple of a god in years, yet they still have complete faith in his abilities as they enjoy their lives while being surrounded by death on all sides. I have yet to see any of the monsters from beyond the wall, but I remember how quick they were to respond the second the gate opened for me to step through.
One second is all it would take for them get in and rampage through the countryside. Just that much would cripple the city’s survival, as even if they could clean up the invasion with their high leveled fighters, the production rate of their food and supplies would be cut in an instant.
“It’s strange, huh?” A voice says from my side.
I look over at Kathryn while she continues to comb the city with her coffee brown eyes. I had never really noticed before, but she is a good bit shorter than me and has dark bags under her eyes that look partially faded against her fair, Korean skin.
“What is?” I ask.
“This city. The people.” She gestures around slightly while looking at a nearby food cart where a man focuses intently over a steaming grill full of meat. “Everyone here seems so real, like they all have individual lives they are living without a clue about our existence or the fact they are inside The Pillar.”
“Does it make you feel bad for them?” Paying close attention to her reaction, I watch as her brow furrows slightly like I asked an obvious question.
“Any normal person would feel bad for them. They are nothing more than victims of this place. From what we have seen, I can’t help but think of them as real people stuck in this place.”
I understand what she means, but I sense no real emotion or call to action in the dilemma she just detailed about the mob’s situation. I can’t tell if she is just lying about caring, or if something else is going on.
“Hey, Kathryn?”
“Yeah?”
“Why did you decide to pair up with me?” I ask bluntly.
To my surprise, she seems to have been expecting the question, and a soft smile crosses her features, and she turns to me while tucking a lock of short hair behind one of her ears.
“I thought you might like some company since Wade had to go with Nikki. I know it’s probably been hard for you to get to know anyone else since you are the outlier of the group. I realize Nikki hasn’t been very nice too, so I thought I might try reaching out to help you feel more comfortable.”
I don’t say anything for a moment, as I wasn’t expecting that type of response from her. Part of me is grateful that she recognizes my isolation and wants to help, but the look in her eyes stops me from thanking her for the effort.
She looks so tired.
This thought rings through my head beyond any other reaction. The practiced way she smiles while looking at me is like an adult placating a child after they fall. I’ve seen her taking care of Benny with the same expression on her face too. It’s like her will to act is just a matter of habit rather than actual care for the issue at hand.
“Why do you offer to help all the time if you don’t actually want to?” I ask candidly.
Her face falls for just a split second before resuming her previous smile with a questioning quirk of her eyebrow.
“What do you mean? Of course I want to help. Not to sound like I pity you or anything, but I felt bad for the way you have been treated so far and wanted to help.”
“You’re lying.” I call her out immediately.
Her eyelashes flutter and I can see a small frown tug at her mouth as she continues to try and convince me that she wants to help. It doesn’t matter what she says though, as I can tell she is lying to me. People’s eyes always betray their true thoughts and Kathryn is no different. I don’t believe she is purposefully attempting to ingratiate herself with me or anything, I just don’t think she wanted to offer her assistance even if she did feel bad for me.
It’s like when you feel bad for someone you might see in a tough situation, but you don’t actually want to put in the effort and emotional investment to go out of your way to support them. Was she pressured into doing it? I don’t believe so based on her reaction to me calling her out.
As I muse to myself, she continues to sputter while we start to get weird looks from the people passing us. Finally, I realize that I might have been a bit too harsh on a woman who literally was just trying to be nice to me; whether she actually wanted to or not being irrelevant.
“Kathryn, you’re right, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that. It’s none of my business. Let’s keep going, people are starting to stare at us.” I hurriedly apologize while ushering her forward.
I gently wave her on while feeling like an asshole, but she doesn’t press the issue any further and instead continues to walk while staring at the ground with a look that I find hard to read. Afterward, our walk continues in the same silent fashion as before, but now the atmosphere is even more uncomfortable in the wake of my foolish words.
I mentally sigh at myself for being so short with the woman. Here I am whining about how hard it has been getting the rest of the group to trust me, yet when one of them actually attempts to be kind for once, I end up calling her a faker.
Maybe the investigation I started on the group has made me too focused on the meaning behind words rather than the words themselves. Not everyone needs to have an ulterior motive behind what they say or do. In reality, Kathryn probably didn’t want to help me out by offering to pair up, but the very fact that she did anyways speaks to her kindness.
Trying to forget about the unfortunate situation, I turn back toward the city while ignoring the fact that my first conversation with a pretty girl my age resulted in me insulting her character before summarily declining her offer to be friends.
…
Flashback Three Years Ago - POV: ????
“Your new doctor will be here shortly. He is supposed to be a specialist in the field of radiation therapy. They say that he has the best chance at removing your tumor than anyone else in the world.” The nurse says while fluffing the stiff hospital pillow underneath a young patient’s shaved head.
The boy doesn’t say anything, but instead just nods absently while keeping his pale green eyes focused on a TV nearby. She glances up at the television but doesn’t recognize the program currently displaying what looks like a documentary of some sort. Despite not knowing what channel it is, she knows it is the boy’s favorite, as he requested for her not to change it the last time she had attempted to do so.
Adjusting her face mask for a moment, she cleans up the boy’s bedpan and some other things in the room while he lies there with his attention fixed on the screen. He doesn’t look at her very much, in fact, the nurse had only locked eyes with the boy once before when she first began taking care of him, and afterwards, he had refused to do so again.
A few minutes later, a knock sounds on the room door, and the nurse finishes replacing the hanging IV attached to the patient’s arm before walking over to greet the expected guest.
“It’s nice to finally meet you doctor. The patient is right inside.”
The boy absently notes as a new man enters the small, poorly decorated hospital room. The nurse and what he assumes is the new doctor trade words for a moment before the man waves a latex-gloved hand in the air.
“Hello Sebastian. My name is Dr. Clint; I will be taking care of your treatment going forward. It’s nice to meet you!”
The man’s voice is airy and annoying, so the boy doesn’t even bothering looking at him as he continues to watch the box-television in the corner of the room.
“Would you mind greeting the doctor, Sebastian? He is a friend of your parents, which is why he was nice enough to transfer you to his personal facility.” The nurse says from behind Dr. Clint with almost a pleading tone.
“Where are my parents then?”
The nurse says nothing more, as she knows better than to make up stories for the boy. He had been admitted to the local clinic almost two years ago and was transferred to the current hospital to receive in-house treatment due to the severity of the tumor in his kidney. After his admission, the parents had yet to show up to see the patient or even send a letter, leaving the boy to face his treatment alone.
“Why don’t you give us a minute to talk. Is that alright with you, Nurse Linda?”
“Of course, doctor. I will get his transfer paperwork sorted out in the meantime.”
The nurse casts the poor boy one last pitiful look before heading out of the room and toward reception. The room becomes silent as the patient continues to stare at a screen while the doctor strolls closer to the bed before pulling a seat forward to position himself at the front of the hospital bed.
“This room is pretty warm. Do you like the heat, Sebastian?” The older man asks with that odd airy tone like he is thinking about a joke that no one else knows about.
Seeing no reason not to reply, the boy nods his head. He did, in fact, like the heat of the room. He had asked the nurse to increase it as far as they would allow, as the warm feeling drives away the sickly cold chill that festers in his chest after each day spent in this lifeless hospital.
“That’s good. That is very good. You know, humans have worshiped heat since the beginning of time. Did you know that?”
Sebastian shakes his head slightly, confused at the odd fact offered by the doctor.
“It’s true. Ancient humans from so long ago believed in the healing properties of the sun and its heat. Of course, they did not know that this was a form of radiation back then, but today, we still use this same principle in modern day medical practices. Radiation can indeed be used for healing! Isn’t that interesting?”
Sebastian shrugs, having already checked out of the conversation. The doctor was weird. His joking tone and ‘interesting’ facts just annoy the boy. He had already dealt with all sorts of nurses and doctors that would try to joke around or pester him with interesting facts to garner his attention. He didn’t care about that though; he just wanted them to fix him. To fix this stupid cancerous growth in his gut that stops his parents from ever seeing him.
“You know, despite radiation’s ability to heal, it can cause pain too, as I’m sure you already know given your treatment up until now. Do you know why this is the case?”
Sebastian knew of course, as he had already been lectured on the concept of radiation therapy multiple times in the past.
“It hurts because the radiation damages your cells at the same time as killing the cancer. That’s why symptoms like burns on your skin happen and stuff.” The boy retorts, hoping to dodge another lengthy lecture on the benefits and downsides of his treatment.
“You are only half right. From a technical perspective, your explanation is spot on. But the reason the radiation hurts is not only due to this.” The doctor pauses and the patient’s brows furrow but he still doesn’t bother looking at the doctor as the man re-positions himself on the seat.
“The radiation inflicts pain because it is a necessity, not a side effect.”
Getting up for a moment, the doctor of whom Sebastian had already forgotten the name of strides over to the bed table and turns off the TV using the remote that sits there. The boy’s annoyance grows, and he finally looks at the tall, thin man dressed in a long, white coat.
Before he can see his face though, the older man puts the remote down and walks slowly over to the radiator in the corner of the room, leaving his back as the only thing to focus on.
“Sebastian, you will experience pain because it is a necessity to achieve something greater. Just like how humans have felt pain throughout all of history to adapt and overcome their flaws, you too will evolve.”
The doctor doesn’t even sound like he is actually talking to Sebastian at this point, but rather himself. His hands are clasped behind his back while he looks down at the radiator filling the boy’s room with heat.
“I get it, the treatment’s side effects will hurt. You don’t have to treat me like an idiot, I know that it won’t be easy. For fuck’s sake, I have been doing this for almost two years already! I’ve already heard this stupid spiel about needing to be strong and crap. The nurse said my parents sent you, right? Then fucking fix me like they sent you here to already!” The boy practically screams at the doctor with some of his pent-up anger while the older man reaches down to turn off the machine that provides Sebastian’s one comfort.
“I am happy you are prepared. I will do more than what you think your parents sent me here for Sebastian. By the time you complete your treatment, you will be even better than before.”
Finally, the man turns around to reveal his face covered partially in a standard surgical mask with his smooth head hidden under a blue scrub cap.
During his time in the hospital, Sebastian has dealt with all kinds of people. They all have different faces, attributes, voices, and all sorts of other things about them that are impossible to catalog in the short time he gets to know them before they disappear.
The one thing he always remembers about someone is their eyes. He had heard his father tell him that ‘eyes are the window to a person’s soul,’ and Sebastian had taken it to heart during his stay under medical care.
Pity, fear, apathy, and hopelessness were the most popular emotions he would see in them. Terminal patients he had shared rooms with would look at their family members and tell them everything was okay while their eyes hid fear and hopelessness.
Doctors would declare a patient dead with pity in their eyes as they cover the body’s face for the sake of the others.
The people sitting around who are awaiting their own deaths reflect apathy from their lifeless pupils as they watch the doctor cart away another one of their friends.
When the doctor finally turned around to look at him, the man’s eyes showed his true feelings just like anyone else’s. And inside, there was an emotion the boy had not seen even once during his time in the hospital.
It was pure and unadulterated glee.