Hai friends~ Long story short, I realized that the condition I've been having throughout my life was ADHD all along. Basically all my signs and symptoms taken together are typical ADHD stuff: restlessness, impulsivity and distractibility, trouble focusing on boring things while hyperfixating on interests, fidgeting and stimming all the time, difficulty regulating emotions, etc.
Despite working with therapists and psychiatrists at several points in my life, underlying ADHD flew under the radar mostly due to lots of masking and compensating that I unconsciously developed to conform to social expectations. Now that I finally connected the dots, I might try to seek diagnosis and treatment. It may or may not be accessible, we'll see.
Either way, I've already been building my life in a way that takes advantage of my strong qualities and skills, even if that means taking a non-standard path like drawing funny animals for a living x3
For now, have this painting I did as a metaphor for ADHD and dismissive attitudes of society (tho it can be applied to many other conditions). Lynxes have wide paws that help them walk in deep snow. They're far ahead of the cheetah who's sinking and can't keep up. They look back and say: "everyone else can, why can't you?"; "back in my day it was called laziness and was cured with a good slap"; "you just need more discipline, try harder!"; Blind to the fact that the cheetah is built differently and needs a different environment to thrive.