Well, this month saw the 20th anniversary of the start of the comic and the 50th of the start of its creator. If Patreon survives longer than I do perhaps people will come here looking for insights of my creative genius. Or perhaps evidence of my insanity. In any case I suspect those of you who use this site were already aware of both those things if you've been with me very long. The occasion was celebrated almost exclusively within this "community" as I expected. There really isn't a centralized hub of webcomics information the way there was when I started and the various people who used to make note of that kind of thing have all fallen away. I outlasted them all.
I began Between Failures in the second great wave of webcomics. The wave when many, many, people were looking at the successes of the first wave and saying "I could do that." I had already been reading PVP, Questionable Content, and Shortpacked for some time at that point as well as things like 8 Bit Theater, Bob & George, VG Cats and Penny Arcade. There were others as well, but my memory is not what it once was, so I can't recall them without a jumpstart.
I remember finding QC one night and reading the archive, such as it was at the time, in a few sittings over the course of a few days. I was working retail and living on my own at the time. Sitting in front of my PC was something to do until I felt like sleeping. I had dreams of making movies on the side while I worked as an artist at one point, which is why I had a partial script ready when my life came apart and decided to try making a webcomic out of it.
I studied sculpting in college and in retrospect have no idea how I was convinced I had the talent to do that. I NEVER did. I could do it in an amateurish sort of way, but never rose to a level where a person could make a living at it. I know people who went on to do just that and I know now I was ridiculously lacking. It would have taken me my whole life to even come close to that level of skill. Which means I'd be working retail or something and doing bad sculpting on the side. At the same time I fancied myself a writer, but could never sit down long enough to write anything of much length and also had no experience to draw from really. Back then I had a million ideas, but they were unformed and scattershot. I had nothing I needed to say and all good stories have to have some sort of drive behind them. When I started writing Opposing Forces I actually had some idea of needing to say something about modern life. Or at least modern at the time. Clerks had been a hit, but Mallrats and Empire Records were actually the movies that spoke to me in a way that made me think I had something worthwhile to add to that cultural dialogue. Mallrats with it's directionless characters noodling about on a day in their lives that turns out to be important. Empire Records with it's tale of the slow death of retail, and physical media as we had known it on a backdrop of teen angst and fading stardom.
My roommate and I dabbled in filmmaking while working in the drudgery of retail and going to school. We never managed to make anything of note because we lacked the tools to do so, and once we got them he was not satisfied with our output and refused to edit any of the footage. By the time we had our falling out all of those things were essentially lost to time. Our third conspirator however did go on to work in theater and film. He also sculpts miniature props for statues and toys. Very soon you'll be able to see his work in the new film by Laika. I forget the name, but not his: Rob Jones. I can't remember what he goes by professionally but I think he may be credited as Robbie. But I digress...
The first lines of what would become Between Failures got typed up bit by bit after everyone else was gone. I would tool around the outskirts of town at night until I couldn't afford to fill my tank and then peck at my keyboard until I had to sleep. Coming in 3 to 5 minutes late for seven years maybe? I didn't get fired because I was good at my job. I held things together. Not alone, but I did the work of 3 people without all that much effort. I could carry two huge stacks of VHS tapes in one arm and reshelve them faster than anyone. When things were miserable I kept it light. Made fun of everyone and everything. People stayed longer because I made it tolerable to be at work. I don't say this to brag, but to illustrate that there is a basis in fact when if comes to Thomas and the others. In the last 4 years of my employment at Hastings managers asked me about new hire candidates. They relied on me for things I had no business being relied on for, but I was competent. When others were let go for major infractions I was given ridiculous levels of grace. I started writing down bits and pieces and fictionalizing things here and there until it started feeling like an actual story with something to say. It was this little framework of something that I had when I didn't have anything else. And you're reading this because on some level it was actually a story people found something worthwhile in eventually.
I still have nightmares about retail. At the same time, in spite of the fact that I hated most of it, sometimes I want to go back there. For years I wouldn't reveal the name of the company because I thought if worse came to worse I could go back maybe. Even after Hastings went out of business I wouldn't mention the real name openly. Maybe it was just a habit by then. Or maybe there was some mix of fear and hope keeping me silent. I remember that fucking store the way I remember my childhood home. The way I remember the streets of Garden City, Kansas in the 90s and 2000nds. The way I remember my Grandma's house...
I don't know if I still have some great work hiding inside of me. If I do it's hidden very well. All my ideas have been sanded down to nubs from just trying to survive these last 20 years. This comic has been the thing that kept me going when my body was telling me it wanted to quit. Holding on to it has kept me alive of that I'm sure. I hope it's part of one of God's plans and I'm doing all this because it serves a greater purpose. I don't know if that's true. It's just a hope. I hope that it keeps helping people in some way.
They say that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. It may well be, but I think starting out with good intentions is still the best way to start anything. If you go into something hoping to help someone other than just yourself I think you call some kind of invisible aid to yourself. At the very least I don't think good intentions hurt anything. When I started Between Failures I hoped that it would be a story that would give hope to people stuck in shitty jobs. That it would serve as inspiration to see life not as the goal, but all the things that happen in between goals. Life is what happens in the times between successes and between failures.