Interlude 6.15.5: Parahumans Online
■
Welcome to the Parahumans Online message boards.You are currently logged in, Fabled_WebsYou are viewing:• Threads you have replied to• AND Threads that have new replies• OR private message conversations with new replies• Thread OP is displayed.• Twenty five posts per page• Last ten messages in private message history.• Threads and private messages are ordered chronologically.
■
♦ Topic: Official Brockton Bay Grand Prix Discussion ThreadIn: Boards ► ► United States ► New England ► Brockton Bay ► Events
Brilliger (Original Poster) (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
Yes, we all know. Creed's race is tonight. I'm just grateful he had the common sense to host it at two in the morning, far from traffic.
Anyway, to avoid cluttering the message board, the other mods and I have decided to make a master thread for all things related to the BBGP. Any other threads about the upcoming race will be deleted.
Now, for those who are new, here's a quick recap about the enigmatic tinker:
He belongs to a shady, as of yet unnamed organization led by an even more enigmatic thinker named [The_GOAT]. I’m told it stands for “The Greatest Of All Time.” Jury’s out on how true that is.
He became active in September 2010. It's highly likely that he is a Wards-age tinker that The GOAT picked up when they arrived in Brockton Bay. Again, reasons unknown.
Since then, he has shown off a truly impressive [list of gadgets]. It's thought that Creed himself is a potent free tinker who is backed by other tinkers within The GOAT's organization. There have been a few other theories thrown around, but that's literally the only thing that makes sense given the sheer versatility of his arsenal.
No, we don't know why Creed was chosen as the face of the organization. We literally don't even know their name. Other than Creed, The GOAT, and now [Maven], we have no idea how many members they have or what they want. All we know is that they're generally heroic.
Creed, with The GOAT's permission, started selling tech to the highest bidder. He's since moved on to selling exclusively to heroes and rogues. I assume you'll have to contact The GOAT to purchase something. Or, knowing them, it's a "You don't call us; we call you," sort of situation.
Creed headed to Damascus, Syria following Behemoth's attack in November. He loaned [this thing] to Wieldmaiden for search and rescue purposes and intervened in an altercation between the Protectorate and local forces. He was publicly thanked by Legend in a [statement], but details are sparse.
Creed has donated dozens of his [hybrid soda engines] to Damascus following his tour there. The Guild is using them as a way to provide the city energy while they rebuild more conventional energy sources.
Creed announced this race [here], last week. Other than that the race will begin at the south of the university, we really don’t know much else.
There. Now you know about as much as anyone else. He really is a very strange tinker. But don’t worry. Leet got into contact with us and agreed to stream the race. His snitch-cam is [here]. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
And if you’re planning on doing anything stupid–like interfering–I’ll just remind you that you’re setting yourself up to be fired upon by basically every tinker worth mentioning in the city. On live camera. I’m sure there are dumber ways to die, but none come to mind at the moment.
Edit: Holy shit. [This] is what the racetrack looks like. We now know that Creed is a fan of Mario Kart. I’ve never been more terrified of a “fun fact” before.
Edit 2: [Here] are the rules of the race, what few there are, courtesy of ArchmageEin.
Edit 3: [The_GOAT] has arrived! Well, they were here. They dipped immediately after posting a link to their official [betting pool].
Edit 4: [Here] is the full recording of the race, courtesy of the very scary moon and Leet’s snitch.
■
(Showing page 1 of 7)
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
So, how many of you are up at two in the morning just to watch Leet spazz out?
►ArchmageEin
lolol That's so mean. First comment and we're already shit-talking Leet. I mean, warranted, but still mean. I’m pretty sure even he’s pulling out all the stops. Didn’t he rob a Jiffy Lube to prep for this race?
[Here's] my stream from the college if anyone wants in. They're just starting to set up right now.
►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
You guys are impossible. And yes, he did. Uber and Leet managed to escape from Aegis, Gallant, and Clockblocker as well as Creed. Say what you will, but that takes some serious skill.
►Nod
Or, hear me out, Creed wasn’t seriously trying to catch them. Why would he want to get rid of one of the entrants to his own race? Let’s be honest, saying Uber and Leet ran from three Wards and a jobbing Creed is like saying they ran from three gerbils and a sleeping tiger.
Huh, just checked the stream. The PRT's out in force. Any chance they'll arrest the villains as they come in? Actually, who's racing?
►Answer Key
Creed called out Uber & Leet, Armsmaster, and Squealer. Maven's also here so I guess that's five. You know, that’s a lot of tinkers (and Maven) for a small city like Brockton Bay.
And no, the PRT isn't going to pick a fight. Not only because The GOAT is very scary and mysterious, but because a) there are civilians here and b) Creed will absolutely fuck them over. He's a hero, but he's not their hero, y'know?
►Nod
That's stupid. Are they really that worried Creed will turn on them?
►Miss Mercury (Protectorate Employee)
Not necessarily, but also… maybe… He’s goofy, and it’s a good thing he’s goofy; I’ll just leave it at that.
More to the point, that's just how capes are. There are rules, especially for public events. The goal of the Protectorate is to minimize civilian harm, yes? This race may not be as important as the endbringer truce, but heroes have to think about not just today, but future interactions.
►Answer Key
Oh, hey, Mercury. How're things on your end?
►Miss Mercury (Protectorate Employee)
I'm making overtime to sit in a chair and watch traffic cams to make sure the roads are clear. Honestly? I’m doing pretty well. Boredom is my biggest worry for the night.
►Mane Magenta
So... Intrusive thought: What would happen if one of those frat boys tried to line up next to the tinkers with his BMW?
►Miss Mercury (Protectorate Employee)
He'd be politely but firmly asked to leave. We went through a lot of trouble to ensure outsiders wouldn't interfere. Truthfully? We want to keep this race as small as possible. Just a handful of local powers is more than enough excitement for us.
►Mane Magenta
Lame. Worrying about collateral is lame. Understandable, maybe, but still lame.
►Haha Bro #1 (Veteran Member)
Ha.
►Haha Bro #2 (Veteran Member)
Haha–What the fuck?!?!
►Haha Bro #3 (Veteran Member)
lol Creed can't even let us finish the joke. What the fuck is a Shaolin showdown? Quick! [BadSamurai]! Explain thyself!
►BadSamurai
Bitch, I'm not Chinese. Even if I was, not every Asian kid knows kung fu!
►Bruce Lao
Even if you did know kung fu, there are literally dozens of styles. Kung fu is just a catch-all word for Chinese martial arts. Shaolin kung fu is a martial art developed by the Shaolin monastery in the Henan province. It’s somewhat unique in that it blends Buddhist philosophy with martial arts.
Even if you did practice Shaolin kung fu specifically, that wouldn't help anyway because there's no such thing as a "Shaolin showdown." I have no idea what the fuck Creed is smoking.
Source: I do Shaolin kung fu and I'm reasonably good at it. I’ve never had to drive a supercar.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Gasp! Cultural appropriation? What a villain.
Also, I think Shaolin kung fu would be a lot more interesting with Mario Kart races. Real missed opportunity there, [Bruce Lao].
►Bruce Lao
Kindly go fuck yourself.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Okay, jokes aside, did anyone catch the rules of the race?
►ArchmageEin
I did. I'm in the dimension bubble on the bleachers. Here's [proof]. We're all very nervous now.
The track–by god, I use that word very loosely here–winds around three, floating islands. The course is about one hundred miles, which itself makes this an endurance race. There are obstacles. Lethal force is banned, and implied to be impossible thanks to [the motherfucking moon].
I really don't like how that thing is smiling at me. Seriously, is Creed even a tinker anymore? What specialization covers this bullshit? I’m going to shut off my stream now since Leet’s snitch-cam seems to be online.
►Valkyr (Wiki Warrior)
He is a tinker based on the things he's made.
As for this pocket dimension, Dodge, a tinker from Toybox, has a similar specialization. I mean, I don’t think he’s ever built anything like this, but it’s a possibility.
►ArchmageEin
Okay, so it's theoretically possible. That makes me feel a little better.
►Mac's Dual Rocket Propelled Grenades
Race hasn't started! I'm on time!
And wow, did Uber and Leet luck out for once? Their kart's perfect for this.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3 ... 5, 6, 7
(Showing page 2 of 7)
►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
It does seem to suit them.
►Haha Bro #2 (Veteran Member)
Anyway, has anyone set up a betting pool?
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
Way ahead of you. Creed asked me to set it up already. [Here] is the betting pool. [Brilliger], if you don't mind?
►Brilliger (Original Poster) (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
You know what? Fine. Post edited.
►Fast&Furious
Wow... You know, dad bought me a [Black Rhino] dirt bike from Creed a few months back. It's got a soda engine and everything. I wanted to get in on this race, but the PRT stopped me.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Bro, the PRT saved your life. Does this shit look like something your basic bitch bike's going to survive?
►Fast&Furious
lol I know that now, dumbass. No one knew he'd pull this crap.
►Logs
Back up a bit, though. Is it just me or are the Merchants kinda cool right now? Like, their truck looks like a fucking pangolin. It looks like something that might actually survive a race like this.
►Answer Key
Skidmark has the power to layer repulsive fields on any surface. Presumably, he figured out that he can stack them like scales if he only applies the field to a part of the surface and leaves a corner for the bolt or something. It probably took them hours, which is already way more commitment than we've ever seen from those guys.
►Logs
Damn, that's a lot of wasted potential, then. Imagine what they could have been if they weren't druggies.
►Laser Augment
lol I'm just impressed that Leet's snitch is working through the dimensional bubble.
►Answer Key
Yeah, I am, too. Usually, his tech craps out at the first opportunity.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
It's probably something the moon is doing. It(He?) said he'd be the emcee and he seemed to have taken over the show. That, and [ArchmageEin]'s phone camera was working, too.
►Answer Key
Fair point. Race is starting.
Edit: lol Creed. He looked so cool for a second. It's so easy to forget how hilariously fast he is. A sonic boom from the sprinter's position is an insane amount of acceleration to pack into a body.
►Fast&Furious
RIP. He then wiped out like a fucking chump. There goes that early lead. I thought he'd dominate since he could fly. Can I change my bet?
►Mac's Dual Rocket Propelled Grenades
Same. Can I change my wager, [The_GOAT]?
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
No, all bets are final. You can bet more money on other competitors until the odds cancel out your winnings. And if you can’t do that math, you really shouldn’t be betting at all.
Believe. Trust in the power of friendship.
►Feychick
I'm surprised you're still around. Who are you rooting for? Creed or Maven?
►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
lolol That's like asking a parent who their favorite kid is.
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
I am watching. I am also somewhat busy at the moment, so pardon me if I don't answer you right away.
As for who I think is going to win, the APEP is far better equipped for combat actions over long distances than Crown Chimera. However, this is a software vs. hardware scenario.
►Feychick
English, please?
►Valkyr (Wiki Warrior)
Creed called his rollerblades Crown Chimera before. APEP is probably the name of Maven's racecar, which is rather worrying if you know anything about Egyptian mythology. So in the software/hardware analogy, the tech would be hardware and the drivers would be software.
At a guess, Creed's rollerblades are at a disadvantage over long distances (obviously), but he's a much better driver/combatant than Maven, which The GOAT seems to think will balance things out.
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
This is correct. Further, Creed excels at defying expectations. If anyone can surprise me, it is him.
►Haha Bro #1 (Veteran Member)
lol Fair enough. The pocket dimension kinda proved that already. You haven't told us who you're betting on.
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
[White Fairy] is right. I love them equally. And if I did not, I would not immortalize the evidence in an internet archive.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
(Showing page 3 of 7)
►Deadman
I'm fucking dying. Maven just froze the road and Uber & Leet went off the track. We really are watching real life Mario Kart, huh?
►BadSamurai
Yup. It's epic. Also, I'm just surprised Maven's in the lead. If she wins, I'm going to laugh so hard. She's not even a tinker.
►Answer Key
She's using Creed's tech, though. Not gonna lie, I also want a car as durable as hers. It'd be nice considering all the dumbasses on the road. Seriously, Brocktonites can’t drive. And then there’re the fuckers who keep keying cars for fun.
►Deadman
Yeah, wasn't she a healer? She has a full missile swarm in there. It's always the quiet ones, lol.
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
She is a striker with a diagnostic power and a minor healing ability. Creed built APEP to welcome her into our organization.
►Mac's Dual Rocket Propelled Grenades
He gifted her a whole-ass supercar? Worth how much again? Bro’s really not helping the dating allegations.
Is she cute? She must be fucking gorgeous under that mask.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
Eh, whatever. I'm more interested in the sash. Is that the dimension-maker? Does winning this race give you a whole pocket dimension?
►Logs
That's a good question, actually. Did we see what device Creed used to make this dimension?
►Mac's Dual Rocket Propelled Grenades
Nope. Creed just kinda shouted “Shaolin showdown!” then everything went to hell in a handbasket. It sure looked like it was the sash, but that could just be misdirection on his part.
►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
I doubt it’s the sash. That’d be pretty out there, even for Creed. And besides, [The_GOAT] would never allow him to give away something like that… probably.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
That “probably” is carrying a lot of weight there, lol. You never know what a thinker might decide is acceptable. I mean, there's no way the sash is just a sash, right?
►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
Creed promised the victor a tech of their choice. The GOAT also promised an answer to a question. Both these things are worth a lot so the sash might just be symbolic.
I guess if you win and ask for the dimension generator, that's one way to get it.
►Acree
lol I do a bit of dirt bike racing and I wouldn't want anything to do with whatever the fuck this is. The prize is gold, but gold ain't worth dying for, even if I probably won't actually die. I don't recall the moon saying anything about permanent injury.
►Haha Bro #3 (Veteran Member)
Fair point.
I'm just surprised Armsmaster is doing so well. I thought the ArmsCycle would be at a disadvantage because it's so light compared to everyone except Creed.
►Acree
Maybe, but he's been cutting projectiles out of the air while driving. I think Miss Militia has some kind of secondary steering wheel in her sidecar?
How fast is he going, anyway? He’s gotta be going 200 mph at least, right? Faster when he’s gunning it on the straightaways?
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
She does, and he is. You can see the secondary steering wheel [here].
Also, Armsmaster has a proprietary combat algorithm that can calculate the trajectory of incoming attacks and built-in gyroscopic stabilizers in his armor to help him balance on his bike while he's swinging that halberd around. It's honestly impressive how much shit he’s crammed into his armor if you think about it.
►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Bagrat, my man, we really need to talk about your sources.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
[Here], [here], and [here]. He talked about them in a couple different interviews. For once, everything I told y'all is public knowledge.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Lmfao, "for once."
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Yup. For once. (>ᴗ•) !
►Deadman
lol You got any secrets to tell us about Creed?
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Nope. Like actually, The GOAT's opsec is fucking terrifying. Tighter than the Birdcage. Given I’ve actually managed to learn snippets about that place, I’m being literal, here. It’s so much better than the PRT's that it’s not even funny anymore. [Reave], you guys should take lessons.
I tried doing a few, discreet searches. The closest I got was around Creed's old catalog, and I say “closest” because I actually got a response for a change. Every file on my computer got replaced with .jpegs of rubber ducks.
►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
That's probably because The GOAT is willing to do things to you that the PRT is not. Like hacking you back.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Point.
Also, I'm surprised Creed hasn't just turned himself invisible so he could sneak by everyone.
Edit: Never mind. He tried. The moon [took offense].
►Logs
He's right. This is a spectator sport. I want to see what other crazy shit he gets up to.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
(Showing page 4 of 7)
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
I guess Squealer won't be doing that either, then.
►Deadman
lol What? Squealer's trucks can go invisible? Wait, is that how they've been transporting drugs?
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Yeah. It's pretty common knowledge at this point. So in Brockton Bay, you can get run over by a garbage truck filled with blocks of cocaine that you can't even see.
►Deadman
I'm not in Brockton Bay. At this point, I'm not even sure Brockton Bay is a real place and not some crazy cape's fever dream.
►Mac's Dual Rocket Propelled Grenades
Guys, Leet built a [chain chomp]! Yes! Omfg, yes!
Edit: Spoke too soon. RIP, Chompy. You will be remembered.
►Feychick
Hahahaha! Lmfao.
And Creed fucking shot it down. He just turned around and Old Yeller'd their dog.
►Deadman
Monster! Villain! Birdcage!
►Mane Magenta
I mean... It worked out for Uber & Leet there. They got blasted off into a shortcut. Are shortcuts a thing? Like, this shit doesn't feel legal. They skipped like seventy percent of the lava mountain.
►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
Yes, actually. If they're playing by Mario Kart rules, shortcuts have been a part of the games since the very first edition of the franchise. You just have to be strategic about when you leave the track, or lucky.
►Acree
Guys, I'm more worried about Creed. Didn't he get knocked into the lava? Is he going to be okay?
►BadSamurai
We don't know. I guess we're really testing that "no lethality" clause, huh?
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
[The_GOAT]? Want to weigh in? Your boy just got dunked into lava and he's not surfacing.
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
Hmm?
Oh, that. He's fine. His helmet was sealed and his suit is insulated quite well.
►Laser Augment
Phew, so long as I didn't just watch a tinker die in his own race.
►BadSamurai
Most people would be a lot more worried about one of their minions getting washed in a river of literal lava. I guess thinkers are really something else.
►Laser Augment
What if Creed's really dead, but there are multiple Creeds in a lab somewhere? Like, they're all clones of a bioengineered super-soldier.
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
There is only one Creed. Creed is irreplaceable, but not fragile. He is not a soldier. He is a storm rider. He is the Phantom King of the Mirage Road.
►Deadman
Sounds exactly like what a man with infinite Creeds would say.
►Chaosfaith
Fr though, I really want to bet on Maven. Creed's out of the race. Even if he gets out of that river somehow, I wouldn't be surprised if he's already fucked up his tech a ton.
Between how [hilariously durable] her car is, and how she apparently [has wings too], she's looking like the safe bet.
Edit: I'm all in. My entire savings account is on Maven. I mean, it's only like $5k, but still. Come on, Maven! Non-tinker supremacy! Girl power! Whatever lets you win!
►GstringGirl
Yay, girl power! I don't have any money to bet, but I'm rooting for her, too.
►Fast&Furious
I bet on Creed. I mean, homie gave me my dirt bike so I have to. But yeah, I'm pretty sure I just lost a bunch of money.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
lol Any love for Armsmaster? Miss Militia probably has the best win-con if she'd just stop sandbagging. She can make any man-portable weapon, right? And never runs out of ammo? And has supernaturally good aim?
►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Yes, yes, and not really. She just puts in a ton of hours at the shooting range because she's a noctis cape (she doesn't need to sleep). Her power helps a lot, but that aim is also earned through long hours of practice.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
Cool. More reason to vote for the ArmsCycle, then. The moment she picks up an anti-material rifle, I feel like this race is over.
►Haha Bro #1 (Veteran Member)
AMRs aren't used against vehicles, dude. Anti-material means anti-structure. It's AP (armor piercing) rifles you're looking for.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
(Showing page 5 of 7)
►Haha Bro #3 (Veteran Member)
They are, bro. You're confidently incorrect.
AMR = rifle. AP = round. They're frequently used together. Or, they used to be back when conventional military action was more common.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
Hah! Haha Brothers civil war?
►Feychick
Either way, it's not an insta-win like you're thinking, [Procto the Unfortunate Tinker]. You're forgetting that Maven can do [this]. That missile swarm is fucking nuts. She shot at Creed, but I don't think anyone else would have made it out of that unscathed.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
But how many of those does she have? She already used over a dozen micro-missiles just to get Creed earlier. Eyeballing it, she can't have enough room for more than one barrage in that racecar. The body's way too sleek to have more.
Besides, this is a race to determine who the greatest tinker is. I don't want a non-tinker to win. And Armsmaster might not have anything flashy in his bike, but he’s stable and consistent, which might count for a lot given this race is a full hundred miles.
►Valkyr (Wiki Warrior)
Hmm... I don't know if she's out. I wouldn't trust my eyes here if I were you. Creed is well-known for his hammerspace bags. If he incorporated the same tech into APEP, she might still have enough to glass the city.
As for me, I'm going long. Uber & Leet. Someone's gotta support the underdogs. Besides, how hilarious would it be if the Mario Kart cosplayers actually won the Mario Kart race?
►Nod
If you're rooting for the underdogs, vote for the Merchants, [Valkyr].
►Valkyr (Wiki Warrior)
No way. I’m not that brave. At least the gaming gremlins are funny... sometimes... in small doses. The Merchants are irredeemable parasites on society.
Huh... An honest-to-god lava golem. What happens if every racer wipes out? Do they just never get past the second mountain?
Edit: Holy fuck, never mind.
►Mane Magenta
We went from [Giga Impact] to [Meteor Impact].
Creed remains the only cape who shouts cartoony names of his own attacks, and still remains fucking terrifying.
Sidenote: I want to bet money on Creed again.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
[Valkyr], have you edited his ratings yet?
I've been telling you guys: The PRT's very cautious of Creed, and for good reasons. I didn't get exact footage of what happened in Damascus (guarded by Dragon, sorry) but I did get to read internal memos to not escalate against Creed.
Not The GOAT. Creed. Kid's way scarier than he pretends to be.
►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Again. We need to talk.
But also, very true. Not only is he a hero (and we're very happy with that), he's an immensely powerful tinker who genuinely seems to be an expert martial artist and wielder of the many gadgets at his disposal. That’s almost as hard as actually building the tech.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
So, [Reave], while you're here, what are your ratings for him? Also, did they go up or down after he [clowned on Aegis and Shadow Stalker]?
►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Higher than we're comfortable with, that’s all I’ll say.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Lolol
I'm fucking dying right now. Can someone calculate what a hit like that would do the city?
►Napkinmath
Not as much as you'd think? It's the blue fire that impresses me. Chemicals that burn blue tend to be ones that burn hot, hotter than red/orange fire. It's why blue stars are hotter than red/orange stars like our sun. Assuming that wasn't just an aesthetic detail Creed somehow slapped on, it'd explain his sudden thrust, and how he managed to rocket himself out from under multiple tons of lava.
As for the collision, it'd destroy a building, probably heavily damage the surrounding structures too, but I wouldn't be too worried. He hasn’t turned himself into a nuclear weapon or anything. Tbh, I think we just saw Creed's anti-Lung weapon.
►Bruce Lao
Don't say that. ABB nerds might take it as a challenge.
►Deadman
Either way, I think [Valkyr] lost some money betting on the gamer gremlins.
►Valkyr (Wiki Warrior)
Maybe. They're still second and Creed's been very selective about actually taking shots at competitors. I'd say they still have a shot.
(Shut up, I'm not coping.)
►Chaosfaith
Maven's still in this! Come on, my queen!
►Acree
lol Is she, though? I mean, she's honestly not a very good driver. She's been getting by on how durable her car is, not her skills at the wheel.
►WhedonRipperFan
There's a joke about women drivers here somewhere.
►Whitecollar (Cape Wife)
Hey, now. Squealer's a great driver.
►WhedonRipperFan
Sure, but how much of that is her power? Given how strung out she is on any given day, I'd say most of it.
►Whitecollar (Cape Wife)
You can say that about everyone. Every tinker knows how to use their tech.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
Except Armsmaster. Creed built his rollerblades. Squealer, her truck. Uber is just good at whatever he wants to be good at.
Armsmaster's ArmsCycle wasn't tinkertech until this week. In fact, I'm not seeing any additions that make it a better motorcycle, just a more rugged, combat-capable one. Which means he's actually in this race purely off his personal skill.
Let's go, Chadmaster!
►GstringGirl
Can someone explain [what just happened]? Since when is summoning lightning bolts something Uber & Leet can do?
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
(Showing page 6 of 7)
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
It's [this] item. They're playing an Aleph import game called Mario Kart: Double Dash. One of the strongest items in that game is a lightning bolt that's supposed to shrink you. I guess they couldn't make a shrink ray and so decided on a general EMP.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
I love how no one was affected by it. I mean, they all recovered pretty quickly. Did they put in a timer on the EMP like in the games?
►BadSamurai
I doubt it. Why would you when it's basically an "I win" button?
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Uber & Leet have their own code. I wouldn't call it honor, but they try to be pretty faithful to the games they're roleplaying whenever possible.
►BadSamurai
Fair enough. Although, it could just be that tinkers obviously hardened their tech against EMPs.
Squealer... Her dumpdozer is probably so rustic that it's basically immune. You can't EMP shit if there isn't shit to EMP in the first place. I guess there's Mush's crane arm, but that's not really that special anyway.
Armsmaster told us what he did himself. I think it's hilarious that this guy pulls out a defense for every random attack possible and it’s always, “lol my magic halberd.” He's not beating the Swiss army knife allegations anytime soon.
Creed... became a little guy? Like, wtf was the point of shrinking himself? Is he hoping there's a shortcut through the smaller tunnels in the Big Cheese?
►Logs
Who cares? Didn't you hear Uber & Leet? Maven fed fucking cocaine into her car and it overcame the EMP. What the actual fuck, Creed?
►Thatdude
Hahaha, ikr?
For context, Coca-Cola used to [put cocaine into their colas]. Well, not really, but you get the idea. That’s where the “coca” part of the name comes from.
Does this mean all those hybrid soda engines Creed sent to Damascus can run on cocaine too? Is there a legitimate market for the drug trade?
►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Absolutely not. I don't know anything about what Maven did, but modern Coca-Cola formulas [do not have cocaine]. They are sweetened with cane sugar, even foreign imports.
►Logs
Boo~
Go away, LEO. Let us dream about cocaine-powered supercars.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Welp, final stretch. Make your last second bets, folks.
►Haha Bro #1 (Veteran Member)
I mean, at this point, it's pretty clear that Maven won. [The_GOAT] should close the betting pool.
Edit: Fuck.
►Chaosfaith
Yes! Yes! You go, girl! My queen! My goddess! Gimme my stack!
Edit: Fuck! What the fuck is that shit? How is that legal? He literally teleported shit from outside the race!
►Acree
Hahahaha, what a loser. Kiss your savings goodbye. Rule of Moon, motherfucker.
►Narco_Gecko (Unverified Cape)
Man, I’m so glad I didn’t go all-in on Creed. I mean, shit. I seriously thought he’d win. He probably could have if he didn’t spend so much time dicking around in a river of lava.
Like, who does that? Was he even trying?
►Bruce Lao
You know what this reminds me of? The [zodiac race]. It’s an old fable about how the Chinese zodiac came to be. Basically, the rat rides the ox’s head and leaps across the finish line at the last second, kind of like what Creed tried to do to Maven.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
Cheating. You mean he tried to cheat. But it’s okay because Armsmaster won anyway. [Guess who’s rich now]? Yo boy Procto’s going to the bank!!!
►WhedonRipperFan
That’s hilarious. The way I see it, the moon just as easily could have ruled in Creed’s favor since Armsmaster teleported gear from outside the dimension. There were a bunch of hidden rules, like the “no invisibility” thing that got Creed punished in the snow mountain.
I don't have a dog in the fight because I'm not a dumbass with my money. But let’s be honest, the rules were basically made of taffy in the first place. I think the moon just ruled in whichever way he thought was funny.
Which, now that I think about it, is pretty disturbing. So again, is the moon alive?
►Mac's Dual Rocket Propelled Grenades
lolol Either way, I think it’s hilarious that Armsmaster is the “best tinker in Brockton Bay” but clearly did it using Kid Win’s tech. So who’s really the best? The guy who made this race in the first place, the guy who won, or the guy who built the tech to make the win possible?
►Nod
I say Armsmaster, with the caveat that Kid Win might legitimately surpass him one day. Bro’s way cooler than I thought he was.
I discount Creed because I refuse to believe Creed is the only tinker involved in The GOAT’s organization. It’s pretty obvious that Creed is the representative of a tinker collective so he never was in the running for “best (singular) tinker.”
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Yup. Results were pretty predictable.
►Logs
Bullshit, [Bagrat]. You're just saying that after the fact.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Wanna bet?
[Winnings receipt]. Suck my millionaire balls. I guessed the entire placement order from start to finish.
►Logs
[Brilliger], can we please get a verified cape tag for him? Bro's a thinker for sure.
►Brilliger (Original Poster) (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
No. Don't tag me for stupid shit.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
I'm not a thinker. I just know how to pay attention and make educated guesses. Also, the Creed hivemind (Creedmind?) is obviously the best tinker in the Bay. I maintain that he could have won at any time.
Despite this, I assumed Creed wasn’t going to take this seriously. It was a bit of a gamble, but he’s always been pretty flippant about things outside of life or death scenarios. I guessed that he’d pull his punches even now and spend most of the race either “indisposed” or harassing other people for funsies. I was right.
That leaves Armsmaster, Maven, Squealer, and Uber. I wasn’t sure if Armsmaster or Maven would come in second, but Maven didn’t seem too comfortable at the wheel [here] and she’d only had APEP for a week or so.
On top of that, I guessed that Creed would mess with her the most. He said this race was to find the “best tinker.” Seeing how she’s not a tinker, he wouldn’t ever let her win. Also, if anyone has counters for the shit in her supercar, it’s obviously Creed.
So, Armsmaster first, then Creed, then Maven because Creed fucks her over. That leaves Uber ahead of the druggies as a natural choice. Really, the real surprise was how well Uber and Leet handled themselves. They were genuine threats for the entirety of the race and that’s not something I think anyone expected from those guys.
See? Basic reasoning skills. Stay in school, kids. A bit of logic can make you a millionaire.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
(Showing page 7 of 7)
►Winged One (Veteran Member)
Agreed, [Bagrat]. Obvious placements are obvious. I also won [lots of moolah].
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
Ngl, I just guessed the first place pick because I’m a dum-dum. I’ll just have to be happy with being a lucky dum-dum.
[The_GOAT], are we ever going to have a sequel?
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
Maybe. This was Creed's idea. I don't have an opinion one way or another. As for the prize, Armsmaster will have to reach out to Creed or myself.
►Deadman
Damn, I wonder what he’s going to ask for.
►The_GOAT (The Guy in the Know) (Verified Cape) (Benevolent Mastermind)
I suspect he will want technology over an answer to a question. Creed will present him with the available catalog. And of course, he is free to keep the sash.
►Haha Bro #3 (Veteran Member)
Damn, that was really funny. I didn’t win, but meh. Four hundred bucks isn’t too much to spend on entertainment. I can pretend I went to a concert or something.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
lol Welp, gg. I guess we're just going to have to wait for the next insane thing Creed does. It's been real, guys.
►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
Yup. It's nice to have a cape event in which no one got hurt and nothing blew up (except the cars, but that was already advertised). It's weird, but a good kind of weird.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
I think that's just because you're Brocktonites. Us normal folk don't expect carnage whenever more than one cape shows up.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Exactly. Is this what normal feels like? Ngl, it's pretty nice.
►Napkinmath
Lolol. There’s going to be so much salt from this.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3 ... 5, 6, 7
■
Author’s Note
There. I’m sure there are more jokes I can throw in that I’ll only remember after publishing this (there always are), but I can’t be bothered. It’s long enough anyway.
Animal Fact: Um… I don’t really have one for you guys. Look, I’m tired, alright? Which is a fact, and I am an animal.