A Selection of Ranger Incident Reports from Gaia's Nursery Botanical Preserve
Selected from Annex E-8469T.
National Anomalous Preserves Weekly Incident Report
To: Bureau of Ranger Management
From: Head Ranger Jocelyn Huerta
Date: Week of May 18th-24th, 1998
INCIDENTS
98-063: Base of Tree #23, “Cherub”
A crew of three illicit sap harvesters was found passed out in the root structure of the “Cherub” tree, located at the headwaters of Seal Creek, by a group of hikers. The harvesters were found in a catatonic state after apparently failing to take proper respiratory precautions before beginning their illegal root tap. The harvesters were medevaced to a nearby hospital in Mendocino, CA, where they remain in comas. When/if they wake up, all three will be charged with 1st Degree Grand Arboreal Desecration (Intentional Desecration with intent to Profit), a federal crime that carries a minimum 15-year prison sentence.
98-064: Bluff Ridge Trail
The Bluff Ridge Trail was temporarily closed from 10 am to 2 pm today after an unusually large rattlesnake was found sunning itself and blocking the trail, ¼ mile from the parking lot. The snake, measuring nearly 10 feet in length, was documented extensively by the Preserve’s local herpetologist, who described it as “the biggest sumbitch I’ve ever laid eyes on”. The snake, which slithered into the brush at 1:45 pm, has been named “Big Roger” and was added to the Preserve’s list of notable fauna.
98-065: The Rootmaze
Rangers received nearly a dozen reports from hikers of a “haunting singing” coming from deep within the Rootmaze, the largest traversable root structure in the park. Upon arrival, Rangers A.R. and N.E. both experienced the song, which they described as “oddly beautiful, like a hundred voices singing over the sound of leaves in the wind.” The song was found to be harmless, and nearby hikers were invited to listen in. The song persisted for approximately 6 hours, after which it faded away. The incident has been added to the Auditory Anomalies register, and the park’s designated Federal Anomalous Incident Agent has been notified.
98-066: Main Parking Lot
A fight over a parking spot broke out between two guests, J.P. of Lubbock, TX, and L.N. of Seattle, WA. Rangers broke up the fight, and each offending party was brought to a different room in the Preserve’s medical center for minor wound care. Neither party pressed charges on the other, and each acknowledged that they overreacted. Both parties were later seen enjoying a beer together at The Rootden, a dive bar located just off Preserve property.
98-067: Root Structure of Tree #47, “Old Jack”
A hiker, W.E. from Angel’s Camp, CA, was exploring the root structure of the “Old Jack” tree when they found a set of previously undocumented arborglyphs in the roots closest to the center of the tree. The Preserve’s onsite anthropologist determined that the glyphs likely date back to nearly 8,000 years ago, and may depict a ceremonial procedure engaged in by the native tribes that occupied the area at that time. The glyphs were photographed and are being added to the Arborglyphs Exhibit in the Main Visitor’s Center.
98-068: Entry Booth
A visitor, L.G. from Camden, SC, attempted to pay for entry with an obviously counterfeit $20 bill. The bill, which displayed a detailed portrait of an unknown figure labeled as “Jackson” instead of President Wilford, was unusual in its incredible detail and inclusion of anti-counterfeit features normally only present in genuine bills, albeit features that bore little to no resemblance to those found on a real $20 bill. L.G. claimed to have obtained it from an ATM in San Francisco, and apologized profusely before paying with a real $20 bill. The bill was sent on to the Secret Service for analysis.
END REPORT