Selected from Annex E-8469T.
National Anomalous Preserves Weekly Incident Report
To: Bureau of Ranger Management
From: Head Ranger Bill Ratcliffe
Date: Week of June 7th-13th, 2001
INCIDENTS
98-063: Primary Outdoor Observation Deck
F.R., a visitor hailing from New South Wales, Australia, attempted to commit ritual suicide by way of jumping into the ocean at exactly midnight local time on June 7th, as a G-Class Void Dweller passed directly overhead. F.R. was stopped by a group of guests and docents who were also present on the deck at the time. F.R. was detained in the Observatory Brig and questioned by the Preserve’s security chief. During questioning, F.R. revealed that she was a member of the fringe cult “Children of the Deliverers”, a group that believes the Void Dwellers are banished deities that can be brought back to Earth by way of ritual self-sacrifice committed while in direct view of the Void Dwellers. F.R. was detained in the brig for another 16 hours before being transported back to the Australian mainland by way of the Preserve’s designated skytrain. This marks the third such incident in the last 12 months. We continue to request higher-scrutiny visitor background checks to prevent any future tragedies.
98-064: Below Deck Accommodations Ventilation System
Guests in Below Deck Suites 3A and 3B reported hearing a “loud, ceaseless meowing” coming from their heating ducts, which began at 6 am. Preserve HVAC technicians removed the vent faceplates and found Lenny, one of the preserve’s resident rat-catchers, stuck in the heating ducts. Lenny, who was perfectly fine, was removed from the duct and returned to his pest-control duties on the upper decks.
98-065: Primary Outdoor Observation Deck
Multiple guests and staff members witnessed an apparent bout of violence between a D-Class Void Dweller and a U-Class Void Dweller around 11 pm local time. The fight, which lasted upward of an hour, ended with the apparent defeat of the U-Class Void dweller after its rhinospores were torn off by the D-Class. The Void Dwellers then separated and eventually drifted out of sight, much to the dismay of all present onlookers. Almost the entire conflict was caught on video by guests and park docents, and has now been widely shared in both academic and social channels.
98-066: Primary Accommodations Shared Bathroom
Multiple guests reported catching pink eye after using the Primary Accommodations Shared Bathroom, prompting an emergency deck sanitation procedure from onsite medical and maintenance staff. Afflicted guests were given antibiotic eye drops and quarantined in their cabins for two days.
98-067: First Class Bungalow #3
J.U., a first-class guest from Miami, Florida, caught the attention of a G-Class Void Dweller by pointing a high-powered blue laser that he had smuggled onboard at it. The Void Dweller, attracted by the laser, was caught by Earth’s gravity and proceeded to burn alive as it passed through the planet’s atmosphere. J.U. was immediately detained in the Observatory’s Brig and has since been transported back to the United States, where he will be charged with Negligent Grand Xenocide, a charge carrying a minimum of 5 years in federal prison.
98-068: Big Johnny’s Pub and Grill
A 30th birthday celebration for T.T., a guest from Cheyenne, Wyoming, turned into a very sizable gathering, including almost all onboard guests and nearly half of all onboard staff. 1 full month’s worth of onboard liquor was consumed, and the next day, nearly all staff members present at the party called in sick. No write-ups were issued, and a double order of liquor has been added to the next skytrain shipment.
END REPORT