A Selection of Ranger Incident Reports from Cavern of the Sleepers Historic Preserve
Selected from Annex E-8469T.
National Anomalous Preserves Weekly Incident Report
To: Bureau of Ranger Management
From: Head Ranger Bobby Tottermayer
Date: Week of October 21st-27th, 2002
INCIDENTS
02-201: Chamber of Noth’Ril the Whisperer
Rangers responded to a reported memetic corruption incident in the chamber of Noth’Ril the Whisperer and, upon arrival, found twelve guests in catatonic states. Through their mouths, Noth’Ril spoke, demanding that a ritual of liberation be performed before he released his grip on the minds of the guests. Good-faith negotiations ensued and were refused by Noth’Ril for several hours, forcing the rangers to employ the “nuclear” option - threatening to use a drill with a runic diamond tip on Noth’Ril’s partially petrified form. With great displeasure, Noth’Ril acquiesced and released his grip on the minds of the guests. All twelve were taken to the Park Medical Center for immediate psychological treatment, including a level-6 dose of amnesic drugs. All responded well to treatment and possess no memory of the event. Upon investigation, it was found that the disposable earplug dispenser located at the entrance to Noth’Ril’s chamber was not refilled before the park opened. The maintenance tech responsible had been reprimanded, and both increased cautionary signage and an extra earplug dispenser have since been installed.
02-202: Gilbert’s Descent Stairway
A small child experiencing a bowel emergency defecated at the top of the Gilbert’s Descent Spiral Stairway, causing a liquid fecal torrent to rain down upon the guests located below the child. The defecation was loose and greasy in nature, and resulted in one woman slipping on the stairs, causing her to fall and injure the two people located below her. All affected guests, including the child, were taken to the Park Medical Center and treated for minor injuries and/or diarrhea.
02-203: Chamber of the Craftsman
The parents of a small child approached Rangers posted to the exit of the Chamber of the Craftsman and reported that their child had found a relic but would not give it to them. Upon coaxing, the child produced a relic vaguely resembling a human effigy made from twigs of indeterminate origin. The child called the relic “her new dolly” and refused to hand it over to the Rangers. Recognizing the danger the relic potentially posed, the Rangers called for backup and were forced to restrain the screaming child in order to remove the relic from her possession. As soon as the “dolly” was removed from the hands of the child, she broke down in tears and refused to look at it, stating that it “scared her” and it had been “forcing her to take it out of the cave.” The effigy, denoted as relic 21-GX, has since been handed over to the park’s designated Federal Anomalous Incident Agent.
02-204: Yummy Pies Pizza Stand, Main Dining Cavern
A guest reported finding a cockroach baked into the cheese of a slice of pizza obtained from the Yummy Pies Pizza Stand in the Main Dining Cavern. A subsequent inspection of Yummy Pies by park officials revealed substandard hygiene practices, resulting in the indefinite closure of the concessionaire.
02-205: Chamber of Azakex the Unwoken
Rangers responded to sensor readings indicating a thermal anomaly in the chamber of Azakex the Unwoken, and found that a wall of ice had entirely sealed off the chamber. The rangers determined that at least ten guests were trapped on the other side and were at risk of hypothermia. Park Emergency Maintenance Techs were immediately deployed. The techs were able to break through the ice wall, which was nearly 2 feet thick, in just under 20 minutes by using a mix of diamond saws and high-powered thermite blow torches. The guests inside were rescued and immediately taken to the Park Medical Center to be treated for hypothermia and minor frostbite of the extremities. The chamber of Azakex remains closed for investigation into the onset of the thermal anomaly, which was observed to have taken effect over an unprecedentedly short span of time.
02-206: Primary Entrance Gate
A driver in the main parking lot jumped the curb at high speed and rammed through the Primary Containment Gate that serves as the main park entrance. The driver, whose BAC was found to be nearly three times the legal limit, was arrested and taken into custody by local police. Emergency Maintenance Techs were deployed, and the entry gate was patched in just under 45 minutes. Time to complete the repair is estimated at 3-4 days.
02-207: Chamber of the Unceasing Speaker
Rangers responded to calls of a “talking raccoon” in the chamber of the Unceasing Speaker. The raccoon, which is presumed to have gotten into the chamber by way of the recently broken Containment Gate, was found to have been possessed by the Unceasing Speaker and was engaged in an intense conversation with visitors upon the arrival of the rangers. The raccoon was reported to have been “engaging the visitors in the moral and ethical dilemmas presented by the containment of the Terrors”, an argument that many visitors agreed held water - until the raccoon suggested that one of the guests ritually sacrifice their grandparent in order to free the Unceasing Speaker. The raccoon was tranquilized, removed from the chamber, and relocated to Allegheny National Forest several states away.
END REPORT