Chapter 1
Alexander sat in his dark room staring at his computer screen and playing the latest game to catch his attention. He looked like hell. His hair was a mess, his clothes were wrinkled and stained, and his room was filled with the wrappers and styrofoam cups from a bunch of ramen and other instant foods. He was the worst sort of living stereotype, a hikikomori and NEET. Or as a certain blue-haired idiot goddess might say, 'Hiki-NEET.'
He picked up a hot pocket that had gone cold and bit into it. He was remarkably happy that he could still get his hands on the microwaveable delicacies even after his sudden relocation to Japan against his will. Granted, ROBs tended to do a lot of things against people's wills. Like, snag them from their happy lives, give them a shitty Gacha System, and then throw them into alternate realities in whole new countries.
The dicks, yes, he was SO lucky to have multiple ROBs using him as some sort of sick betting game, didn't even give him the ability to speak the local language. So, here he was, an American stuck in Japan in a whole new dimension, with his age reverted to his mid-teens just for more shits and giggles.
The dicks didn't even have the decency to send him to a world he recognized.
Fuck those guys so hard in the most uncomfortable places!
His computer suddenly sparked and died, plunging his room into absolute darkness.
…
“Fucking assholes.”
More sparks erupted from his computer, frying it for damned sure.
Alexander dropped his head onto the keyboard with a loud groan while continuing to chew the tasteless hunk of Hot Pocket in his mouth. He might have been able to find the glorious goodness that was Hot Pockets, but one of the curses he took made it taste like nothing. At least it didn't taste like dirt, unlike some foods he'd tried.
After he finished chewing, he raised his hand and used the absolute coolest thing he'd gotten from the Gacha, his one and only legendary pull, Elecromanekinesis. That's right, he was fucking MAGNETO!
…
If Magneto struggled to lift anything weighing more than a pound. Right now, he was using the reality-bending power at his fingertips to push a button across the room so he didn't have to get up. Sheer laziness for the win!
He lay there, with his head still on the keyboard, refusing to move until he absolutely had to. Because he knew the moment the door to his room opened and he saw how dirty the place must be, another one of his curses was bound to kick in. As long as he didn't see it, he could ignore it. Otherwise, he'd literally go insane from it.
Far too soon, in his humble opinion, the door to his room opened and light flooded into it. Standing in the doorway was a rather attractive woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties, though she could look younger to some, given her height of barely above five feet. Her looks were rather striking with pale skin, silvery-white hair, and red eyes with a beauty mark under her left eye. She wore an extremely expensive tailored suit in black with a red shirt and black tie beneath the jacket.
She stared at Alexander, then asked in a clearly fed-up tone that showed him zero respect, “You rang you worthless sack of meat?”
Alexander couldn't even muster the energy to scold her for the insult. Frankly, he was used to it by now. It hadn't even been a full month since they'd met. His tone was dead as he said, “Love you too, Lucy, now get a maid to clean this room. Then get someone to go out and buy me another computer, this one fried. I'm going to take a bath.”
Lucy sneered at him, “Well, at least you're doing something about the stench.” She looked at the computer and the electrical burns on the case, “Complaining about the ROBs again, were we?”
Alexander groaned and hit his head on the keyboard again, “Yes. Now just do what I said, Lucy.”
Lucy huffed, “Fine, but that girl is here again about your attendance at school.”
He groaned and reached a whole new level of 'I don't give a fuck' with it, “So tell her to fuck off like usual. I shouldn't have to order you to do it every time.”
Lucy huffed in annoyance, “You think I didn't? This time, she brought a truant officer with her. I can't just tell the police to go fuck themselves like you have me tell her. You think I'd even waste my time talking to you if I could deal with it on my own?”
“Ugh. So annoying.” He struggled for a moment to get to his feet. He'd been sitting so long his legs felt weak, “You said that she was some sort of demon or something, right?”
Lucy nodded, “I did. Though she's not exactly a demon, just something similar. Or, given this is a whole different world from mine, she could be a pure-blooded demon for all I know. I can say, with certainty, she's not like demons from my world. She's also extremely weak.”
He stared at Lucy blandly, “Weak by your standards or by normal standards?”
Lucy tilted her head like she was confused before answering, “Mine are normal.”
He sighed, “Let me rephrase. Is she weak compared to me?”
“Oh! No, god no! She'd crush you like a bug with a flick of her wrist.” Lucy tapped her chin in thought, “I kind of hope she tries. I'd like to play with her and see just how far up her ass that stick goes.”
Alexander grunted and made his way toward the door leading into his private hot spring. He'd gotten the land he was living on through one of his rolls, and an entire hot spring, or onsen. It was probably the best thing he'd rolled, even better than his Legendary ability to pretend to be Magneto.
[Skin Care Hot Springs, Rare Item, Grants you ownership of your own hot spring onsen, the onsen is fully functional and magically maintains itself without your input, when taken out of storage the onsen places itself in an appropriate position in your current city with proper paperwork and its own history in the world, people will not find the existence of the hot spring popping into existence strange.]
It gave him a place to live and a way to make money all at once. Granted, it didn't come with any buildings, but that was where Lucy came in. She had more than enough power to magic up a place in a short time. In just two days, she had a sprawling resort built that had enough room for thirty guests and a home for them. All were built in the traditional Japanese fashion.
Living in the woods around the onsen for two days had sucked something fierce, but at least he could bathe in the spring whenever he wanted.
After the resort was built, Lucy had the place filled almost instantly. She wasn't the greatest CEO in history for nothing. Within a week of their arrival, they were living pretty, with constant income. Now, nearly two weeks later, he had no idea how much Lucy was doing to make money anymore. All he knew was that she was earning enough to buy him anything he wanted whenever he wanted. For all he knew, she was running a hundred different companies at once.
Even if she was, it still wouldn't compare to all the work she'd put into running Hell.
He stripped out of his dirty clothing, his Neat Freak curse really kicking in now that he could tell just how filthy he was. He paid zero attention to the fact that Lucy was standing in the doorway of his private spring. It was made by piping water from the main spring into an artificially made one. He couldn't stand the idea of bathing with other people, even if they were legally required to bathe before entering the spring.
Lucy watched him for a bit before she sighed in exasperation, “Is there anything else you need before I go? I don't want you bugging me again anytime soon. I've got some five-star chefs to interview to replace our current four-star one.”
“You think a five-star one will count as an Expert by Gacha standards?”
“Not a chance in hell.”
Alexander sighed, “Then just get me more Hot Pockets and vitamins. Top off my drink supply, too. Thank god the curse only affects the taste of food.”
Lucy nodded and left the room. She felt kind of bad for Alexander, but not bad enough to care. She was forced to be loyal to him, but that didn't mean she had to like him or work for him. It was only thanks to his leaving her alone to do her work that she enjoyed it so much and continued to do it. If he tried to micro-manage her, she'd force him to order her to do everything step by step. He was just lucky she couldn't kill him or let someone else do it.
“Oh yeah!” She called out as she was leaving, “That girl and the truant officer are in a private dining room while they wait, room four.”
“Yeah, yeah. I'll get there when I get there.”
Once Lucy left, he began scrubbing himself down thoroughly. Neat Freak required him to be clean, or it would bug the hell out of him and reduce his recovery rate and output while dirty. Not that it could affect much, since he had very little of any kind of power.
Once he was properly washed off, he stepped into the private onsen and let out a deep sigh of pleasure. He quietly muttered to himself, “Best. Roll. Ever.”
-----Line Break-----
Sona sat in the private dining room, eating an excellent seafood dish, while next to her, Tsubaki ate a similar dish, and across from her, a Truant Officer she'd dragged into this mess ate a steak dinner fit for a king. It was probably the most expensive meal the man had ever had in his life. Even for her, it was a rather nice meal. Not the best she'd ever had, but definitely well-made.
So far, they had been forced to wait over an hour. Normally, she would have forced the issue by now. She had more than enough power to deal with an annoying human. The problem was that he was clearly being protected by someone. There was magic she didn't recognize throughout the entire facility and that set her on edge. She had no idea who had done it, how powerful they were, or what might happen if she overstepped her bounds.
She really should have brought more of her peerage with her. She hadn't because she expected this to be a relatively easy thing to deal with. Smith Alexander had successfully transferred into Kuoh Academy from America. She was excited to have their first American student and had really been looking forward to his arrival.
She'd waited at the gate on what was supposed to be his first day until the first bell had rung. He never showed. Nor did he show on the second, third, fourth, or fifth days. After a full week of him not showing up, she decided to see what was going on. She'd pulled his address from the school's records and made her way to his home with Tsubaki.
Imagine her surprise when she realized it was a thriving onsen resort that he was living at! She hadn't even known there was such a resort, and she'd lived in Kuoh for over two years! Then she'd felt the magic in it and knew someone had built this place in her territory without her permission. Someone strong. It made her more determined than ever to meet with Smith and find out what was going on.
She was rebuffed. Smith refused to meet her, and she couldn't force the issue. She decided to try again, and again, and again. Finally, she resorted to getting the authorities involved by bringing in the truancy officer. She highly doubted he would be able to blow off a law enforcement officer, as he'd been blowing her off.
And she was right!
Rather than refuse her admittance, they'd led her to the dining room and informed her that Smith would be coming at his earliest convenience. She'd have preferred being taken directly to him, but progress was progress. Now she just needed to wait for him to arrive, and she could have the Truant officer lay down the law and force him to go to school!
Once she had him in her territory... ohhh she would make him PAY.
-----Line Break-----
Alexander stepped out of his room and looked at the maid waiting in the hallway, “It's all yours.”
The maid, on seeing him, blushed prettily while giving him a curtsy. After she straightened, she dashed into his room to begin cleaning it.
That was something else he found mildly annoying. He'd gotten no roll for it, but the ROBs had decided to make him into a heartthrob for some reason. He was handsome. Not a harem anime protagonist, handsome, but legitimately good-looking with a strong chin, high cheekbones, electric blue eyes, and golden blonde hair. His body even looked like something a Greek sculptor would have hewn from marble.
It was goddamn annoying because every Japanese woman who saw him blushed like mad. If he tried to talk to them, they became complete messes. He sort of appreciated that he wouldn't fit into the category of an 'ugly bastard,' but he would have much preferred being more average. He just didn't know how to handle being handsome.
Plus, the moment he mentioned he was much more into gaming than sports, the looks of disappointment seriously hurt what little pride he had in himself.
He walked through the resort and entered the dining area. He looked for room four while adjusting his jeans and fixing his T-shirt. He wasn't about to dress fancy in his own place. Once he spotted room four, he made his way over and stepped through the hanging curtain that gave the room some privacy.
He paused as he looked at the three people inside. The first was clearly the truancy officer, seeing as he was middle-aged and wearing a police uniform. Alexander ignored him instantly. Instead, his gaze flickered between the two attractive young women sharing the booth with the officer.
The first was an attractive young woman with a slim figure, black hair styled in a short bob cut, and violet eyes behind a pair of glasses. Just looking at her gave a feeling of strictness. He could see she did not appreciate being made to wait by the way her eyes narrowed the moment he stepped into the room.
The second was also a very attractive young woman with long straight black hair that extended further than he could see with her sitting, with split bangs and heterochromic eyes, with a violet left eye and a light brown right eye hidden behind blue, semi-rimmed glasses with square lenses.
Even though they looked perfectly human, he could feel that they weren't. His Electromanekinesis let him sense the bioelectric auras of people within a few feet of himself. The auras of humans were pretty uniform with minor variances here and there for different reasons. Whatever these two were was very different from humans. Even if Lucy hadn't told him they were likely to be demons of some kind, he would have been able to tell they weren't normal.
The truancy officer was the first one to speak after Alexander entered the room. Alexander stood in the doorway, listening to the man firmly speaking to him in Japanese, clearly lecturing him about something, probably his refusal to go to school, and clearly expecting Alexander to repent... Maybe?
Alexander had no idea because he didn't speak a lick of Japanese.
Yeah, his ROBs really were dicks to throw him into a foreign country and not even have the courtesy to give him the ability to speak the language. It made having Lucy a godsend, heh, because she spoke every language ever to exist. He just let her deal with the bullshit.
The firm tone of the officer slowly transitioned into shouting as it became clear Alexander wasn't listening. Or rather, he wasn't responding at the right times in the proper contrite manner. Eventually, Sona spoke up, “Smith-san, do you not speak Japanese?”
He looked toward Sona. Her question had been asked in perfect English.
“Not a lick.”
She looked confused, “What does licking have to do with speaking Japanese?”
“Oh, it's a saying. In short, it means 'Not at all'. That better?”
The officer had stopped speaking and looked confused. Sona continued, “If you don't speak Japanese, why would you move to Japan and transfer into one of the best schools in the country?”
Alexander shrugged, “Not my idea. I'd much rather be back home, but I got no choice.” He got a bright idea, “So, since we've established that my going to your school would be a complete and utter waste of everyone's time, does that mean you'll kick me out and leave me alone now?”
Sona pushed up her glasses, causing the lenses to flare, something she'd secretly practiced to perfection, “I think not.” After all, if she refused to expel the Perverted Trio for their constant sexual harassment, why would she expel someone for a language barrier problem? She continued, “You simply need additional tutoring, which I will arrange.”
Alexander stared at her with a completely flat look, “Not just no, but FUCK no.”
Sona and Tsubaki both looked shocked at his language. Sona scowled and took on a scolding tone, “It's not appropriate to use such language.”
Alexander snorted, “The fuck do I care what's fucking appropriate and what's not? I'm a red-blooded fuckin' American and I will say whatever fuckin' shit I wanna say!”
Sona's scowl grew as he continued to swear, “How did an uncouth barbarian like you ever get approved to transfer into Kuoh Academy?”
Alexander shrugged, “Fuck if I know. Here's what I do know. I want you to expel me.” His lips curled into a massive grin, “If that means heading to the school you seem so proud of and spending all day, every day shouting expletives at students and teachers until I get expelled, so be it.” His eyes practically glowed with Malice, “I'll be in school tomorrow, I promise.”
After that, he spun on his heels and left the room with a massive grin on his face that slowly fell as he realized what he'd just done. Soon, he was pouting and cussing at himself for being stupid. Now he actually had to leave the resort and go to the school. Goddammit.
-----Line Break-----
Alexander smirked at the scolding look the girl with the short bob cut was giving him. He'd never gotten their names, so he had no idea what to call her. Not that it mattered. He ran his hands over his regular clothes under her gaze. He refused to wear the uniform, though he did have some appreciation for whoever designed the female version because... DAMN!
If he'd known the school was mostly female, he might have shown up sooner... Okay, that was a lie. But he didn't exactly regret coming now. He was getting a lot of stares, and blushes as well as some confused looks, while he walked up to the gate.
Sona stomped right up to him and hissed, “Why aren't you wearing your uniform?!”
“I burned it.”
She spluttered, “Y-you burned it?! WHY?!”
“I was cold.”
“You burned it... because you were cold?”
“Yup.”
She glared at him so hard he thought he might burst into flames, “I will have another ready for you by lunch.”
“Oh, nice. I was starting to feel a little chilly again, so that'll come in real handy.”
He had to admit that particular shade of red on Bob Cut's cheeks was rather fetching. Her little hands were clenched into fists as she hissed, “Detention. Today, after classes, you will come to the Student Council Offices. Am I understood?!”
Alexander decided to play the long game with this one, “Sure, I understand.”
Sona continued to glare at him for a long moment before she huffed and shoved a piece of paper toward him, “Your class assignment. I took the liberty of putting it in English so you wouldn't have any excuses to miss a class.”
Damn! She was already onto him because that is EXACTLY what he would have done if the schedule had been in Japanese. After looking at it, he blinked, then remembered that in Japan, it was the teachers who went from room to room, not the students, so he only had one room and the gym for physical education.
“Riiiight.”
Sona stepped back, but paused and sighed, “You didn't bring your books either, did you?”
Alexander lifted both of his hands, clearly lacking any kind of bag that could hold books, “Oh no, it looks like I forgot.”
His completely flat tone and delivery showed just how much he regretted 'forgetting'. Sona felt a headache coming on as she asked, with a bit of dread, “And where are your books?”
He smiled brightly, “At home, safe and sound in the ash box.”
Sona was starting to feel relieved until she processed the last two words. For some reason, she felt an immense urge to bite Alexander to death. If she spoke to him anymore, she might have to use memory magic to erase all the memories of her murdering him, “Just... Go to class.”
He gave a jaunty little salute, “Yes, Ma'am!”
With a literal skip to his step, he made his way onto the school campus, where he immediately began to explore. He ignored the looks he was getting because of his civilian clothing and rugged good looks. Instead of paying any attention to the people muttering in Japanese that he couldn't understand, he spent his time looking for hiding spots. Why? All the better to skip class and annoy the bossy girl, of course!
For today.... Ah! He chose a cliché of high school anime common to both worlds, the school roof! He hummed happily to himself as he used his minor skill with his Electromagnekinesis to open the locked door. He didn't have to do something as delicate as working with the pins inside the lock, he just pulled the tongue of the lock back and tugged the door open. Easy as pie. Although with his trait, Exact, he probably could have controlled each individual pin. But why bother?
He looked around the roof until he found a nice-looking shaded spot. He didn't want to get a sunburn. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small, thin blanket that he put on the roof. His Neat Freak curse wouldn't let him sit on the dirty roof, but the nice, clean blanket on top of the roof was fair!
Once it was set, he pulled a handheld gaming system from his other pocket. He'd made Lucy buy it and a half dozen games for it for him last night so he'd have something to do during the day. Lastly, he pulled out a small folding solar panel and set it on the roof in the sun before plugging the charging cable into his handheld.
Now he was set for all-day gaming!
-----Line Break-----
“Who are you?”
Alexander paused with a piece of tuna sashimi halfway to his mouth and looked over his shoulder toward the voice that had called out to him. There, standing in the rooftop doorway with a key, was a petite girl with white hair and gold eyes. The front of her hair had two long bangs going past her shoulders and several loose bangs hanging over her forehead, while the back was a short bob cut. She also wore a black cat-shaped hair clip on both sides of her hair.
His first impression on seeing her emotionless facade was, “Cat.”
She tilted her head, “You don't look like a cat.”
He snorted, “Not me, you. You're a cat.”
She stiffened at that and looked at him warily, “Who are you?”
“Just a guy eating his lunch. Don't mind me.”
He returned to his lunch and ignored the girl who, despite looking too young, was wearing the uniform of the high school, so she had to be a student. Probably a first year, if he had to guess. Not that he honestly cared.
He heard the click of the door closing, but it was followed by the sound of footsteps and someone walking closer. He looked over his shoulder once again and saw the girl coming close while she delicately sniffed the air. She got close enough to look over his shoulder at the large platter of exquisite sushi sitting on his lap.
Her golden eyes were locked on the delicate slices of premium-quality fish alongside the top-tier rolls. Lucy had hired that five-star chef, and this was a dish prepared by that man. Alexander had called her and forced her to deliver his lunch to him. This was their first attempt to get an Expert level meal out of the man and hopefully begin to break his Dead Tongue curse.
Unfortunately, it required him to eat ten meals made by someone with Expert Cooking or above. He was hoping, in vain it would seem, that someone he could hire would qualify. Unfortunately, Expert Cooking was an Elite Tier skill that was at the very limit of what a normal human could do. Their current chef was a highly skilled professional recognized in his field the world over, and he still didn't qualify.
He reached for another piece of sashimi; it might taste like dirt to him, but he still needed to actually eat to live. He paused when he noticed the girl was still standing behind him. A glance to the side showed her staring at the piece of salmon he'd picked up with extreme focus. He slowly moved the piece held between his chopsticks around and watched as her golden eyes tracked it like a cat tracking a toy.
When he moved it toward his mouth, he actually heard her let out a quiet whimper. He let out a deep sigh and set the piece of fish back on the tray, set down his chopsticks, then picked up the tray and held it up toward her, “Here, take it. I was feeling full anyway.”
That was a lie. He'd barely eaten a quarter of the sushi on the tray, but he couldn't continue to eat with her staring at him like that. The girl showed zero hesitation as she snatched the large tray of fish, plopped down next to him, and immediately began to devour it. It was subtle, but he could hear her moaning in pleasure at every bite she took. Rather than finding it sensual, he just found himself jealous.
He missed food.
[Feat Achieved! Tamed the local kitten Koneko Toujou. +1 Random Silver Gacha Ticket.]
'Just roll it already.'
[ROLLING!]
[Regalia, Uncommon Item, Final Fantasy - Do you want a badass supercar? Do you want it to fly? Well, you got the right vehicle then, this fully upgraded Regalia is a very powerful, durable, and most importantly, incredibly stylish car that can also drive itself. And even turn into a flying vehicle. The fuel tank gets refilled automatically every 8 hours.]
He blinked at the reward and suddenly felt like the kitten next to him was one hell of a good luck charm. Just giving her his sushi got him the badass car from Final Fantasy VX?
Wait, would he get more rolls if he tamed other people? Though he assumed the system wasn't being literal and meant he'd made friends with the girl. If he literally tamed her, it would probably be worth more. Though he wondered if he got the roll because she was a leading character in whatever world he'd been sent to? Ugh, he didn't know nearly enough to take advantage of the little knowledge he did have.
Fuck it. He'd just continue to flail in the dark and let whatever happened, happen.
He climbed to his feet, dusting imaginary dirt off his pants, and made his way toward the rooftop door. Lunch was over, it was time to go home and unpack his brand new car!
He never noticed how Koneko's eyes and head slowly moved to follow him as he left.
-----Line Break-----
Sona sat behind her desk in the Student Council room with her arms crossed and her leg bouncing under her desk. She was finally willing to admit that Alexander wasn't coming to serve his detention. He hadn't been to class at all, she knew immediately, since she made sure he was in her classes! Then he had the nerve to blow off his detention over his uniform!
She jumped to her feet and slammed her hands on her desk, “That's it! I'm going to his place to give him a piece of my mind!”
She was joined by Tsubaki, her ever loyal Queen, as she stomped over to the teleportation circle on the floor of the room and used it to teleport to a hidden spot near the onsen that Alexander, shockingly, owned.
She started to stomp her way to the main entrance when she came to a stop and turned to look to the side. There, polishing a stylish black convertible of a type she'd never seen, was the source of her anger. Growling to herself, she stormed over to him and immediately began speaking in a strict voice, “What do you think you're doing?”
Alexander looked up from polishing one of the intricate chrome wheels of his new ride and did what teenagers the world over would do in his situation. He answered her metaphorical question literally, “Polishing my car's rim.”
Sona immediately lost it, “That's not what I fucking meant, and you know it!”
[Feat Achieved! Break Sona Sitri's calm and get her to cuss! +1 Random Gold Gacha Ticket]
Tsubaki stared at Sona in shock. She'd never seen her lose her cool like that, not even when her sister was at her most annoying. She wondered what it was about the boy that got under Sona's skin so easily.
Sona panted after venting her anger and slowly grew mortified at her outburst. Her face transitioned from angry red to embarrassed red. She... she needed to not be there right then. She immediately spun on her heels and marched away with what little dignity she had remaining.
Alexander watched her walk away with a look of sheer curiosity. What was it about her that he got a roll just for infuriating her and getting her to lose her calm? Well... whatever.
'Roll the ticket!'
[ROLLING!]
[Gooning, Uncommon Skill, You are skilled at the art of gooning, that is, being a low-rank thug for a boss. You know how to shake people down for money, intimidate someone for their wallet, and have novice-level skill in wielding knives, pistols, and fighting unarmed. You can also use a Brooklyn accent at will. You could easily score a low-ranking job in any organized crime organization.]
'What the F... oh, oooooooh.'
That skill title was misleading as hell. He was about to bitch about the ROBs again! Still, kind of a shit skill to get for a Gold ticket. At least it wasn't completely useless. Though it also wasn't very helpful either. The hell did he need to shake people down for their wallets for? He had Lucy making who knew how much money on a daily basis. Well, the weapon and fighting skills might come in handy, at least a little.
He snorted and went back to polishing his new baby, and proceeded to forget the last ten minutes or so.
-----Line Break-----
Stepping into his room after thoroughly polishing his baby, he paused and looked at the blank area where his new computer should have been by now. He frowned and flicked his finger to push the Lucy summoning button. He moved to his closet to change his clothing as a little wax had gotten on his shirt, and it was driving his Neat Freak curse crazy.
When he came out, Lucy was there waiting for him. He immediately got down to it, “Where's my new computer?”
Lucy smirked at him, “If you want a new computer, you're going to have to earn it.”
He blinked and stared at her for a long moment before asking, “What the fuck?”
“You heard me. If you want me to keep buying you stuff and catering to your whims, you're going to have to earn it.”
“But... you're my familiar! You're supposed to be loyal to me!”
She nodded, “I am, and I am. However, loyal doesn't mean 'slave' or that I don't have thoughts and feelings of my own. I will continue to provide the basics, food, shelter, and so on. But if you want more, you have to earn it.”
“But... You never cared before!”
“That's because I was afraid you would stick me back in storage if I refused. But now?” She grinned cruelly, “Now you're reliant on me. If you stuff me in storage, you'll be completely unable to run the resort or any of the other businesses I started. Not to mention you have NO idea where all of the money is. If you store me away, everything will turn to ruins in a very short time, and you'd be forced to release me to fix it.”
Alexander slumped in defeat, “So, this is what I get for having Lucifer as my first and only familiar.”
Lucy walked over and gently patted his cheek, “Don't look so down. I don't plan to work you to the bone or anything. I just want you to put your pressure point skill to good use in our massage parlor. Just three hours a day, which will be six customers, and I will let things go back to normal, alright?”
Alexander scowled but nodded in acceptance. What other choice did he have?
[Feat Achieved! Get Owned by Your Own Familiar! +1 Random Bronze Gacha Ticket]
'Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! … Roll it.'
[ROLLING!]
[Digestive Expulsion Independence, Trash Trait, You never piss or shit. Don't ask where all the waste in your body goes.]
'The fuck?!'
He scowled at the stupid result. It was mildly convenient, sure, but seriously? What a waste. No wonder it was listed as Trash.
He focused back on Lucy, “When do I start?”
She grinned wickedly, “Now.”
He scowled but followed her as she led him to the main resort area and to a room where he would be working. In the room was a simple uniform for him to wear while he did his work. He changed quickly and waited for his first customer. He tried to think on the bright side, he would at least get to touch beautiful women while making them feel good!
He rubbed his hands together to warm them up as he prepared to use a skill he'd never used before. He went over it again just to double-check it.
[Intermediate Pressure Points, Rare Skill, You are experienced at spotting and using pressure points on the body, human or animal. Allowing you to press on pressure points to paralyze people or other points to cause them pleasure, etc. Using it in combat, while not easy, is possible.]
It kind of reminded him of the Gentle Fist from Naruto, only worse and with no Byakugan. Still, leave it to the greatest CEO and ex-ruler of Hell to force him to work for her using the only appropriate skill he had.
He looked up from his hands as the door to the small private massage room opened and a very fat man walked into the room wearing only a white towel that was fighting for its life to keep him covered. Alexander quickly turned away so the man wouldn't see his look of absolute revulsion.
Also, leave it up to the ex-ruler of Hell to punish him by sending in the fattest, ugliest man she could find for his first customer. Where the hell were the rubber gloves?
-----Line Break-----
Alexander slouched his way into his room, his face pale and his soul trying to flee from his body. Lucy had to have been specifically searching for fat, ugly bastards to subject him to. All six of his customers had been hideous monstrosities. Just the feel of touching them... He gagged and swallowed down the bile that threatened to come up at just the memories.
Even the sight of the brand new PC sitting where his old one had died didn't buoy his spirits at all. It just reminded him of what he'd had to do to get it. He ignored it and made his way to his bathroom. He needed the hottest shower ever and to soak until he was the pruniest prune to ever prune to have even a shred of hope of feeling clean again.
As he was washing his hair, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and a firm pair of naked breasts pressing against his back. He sighed and continued to scrub his hair, “Haven't you tortured me enough, Lucy?”
She moved her mouth close to his ear and spoke in a breathy voice that went directly to a certain part of his anatomy, “I'm not here to punish you, I'm here to reward you. Here, let me.”
She removed her arms from his waist and began washing his hair for him. He groaned at the feeling of her short nails scraping his scalp. She worked in silence for a few moments before she spoke again, “You did good work today, I got nothing but compliments about you.”
He scowled at the reminder of his suffering, “Did they all have to be fat, ugly bastards? I felt like I was in a hentai and about to be taken advantage of!”
Lucy giggled, “I may have gotten a little vindictive with the schedule. Tomorrows will be more balanced, I promise.”
She rinsed his hair off, then draped herself over him, squishing her breasts into his back, “How about you wash me now? You can scrub every. Last. Inch.”
Alexander shuddered, his teenage hormones screaming at him to get scrubbing while the smallest rational part of his mind warned him that the literal DEVIL HERSELF clearly wanted something. The teenage hormones took that little logical part of his mind into a dark alley and did horribly unspeakable things to it to get it to shut up.
He turned around and began lathering up his hands to scrub the glistening wet body of the devil incarnate. Well, if he went to hell, at least the boss would be his familiar. He started by scrubbing her back because he lacked the courage to immediately begin by scrubbing her breasts. The little noises she made as he worked did NOT help the situation at all.
Eventually, his hands traveled down where he began to lather up her waist, hips, thighs, and glorious rear. He definitely spent longer than was appropriate kneading the soap into her backside. He blamed all the soft gasps and moans she let out, which just encouraged him to keep going.
After letting him play for a while, she turned her head and stared at him with half-lidded red eyes, “I think my ass is clean enough, don't you?”
He jerked his hands away as if they were on fire, causing her to giggle. She licked her lips before whispering, “I just hope you're as... thorough with the front.”
Alexander got more soap and lathered his hands back up before getting back to work. He started with her arms, sides, and stomach. Then, the time came. His hands slid up from her incredibly smooth and flat stomach to cup her breasts. They weren't massive, being only a little bigger than his hands, but they were pale, perky, and topped with cherry colored nipples that were as hard as diamonds by the time his fingers touched them. The tight little gasps she let out at his touch went straight down his spine like a bolt of lightning.
He stroked, squeezed, pinched, and twisted her breasts, eliciting sounds that had to have come from heaven despite being uttered by the ruler of hell. Well, his version of Lucy was a Fallen Angel soooo...
As he continued to lavish her breasts with attention, she began to squirm and moan louder. He grasped her nipples and began to pinch and slowly twist them. Her back arched, and she let out a deep, full-body moan while her whole body spasmed.
The spasms lasted for nearly thirty seconds before she collapsed against him, panting heavily. He stared, gobsmacked, and had to ask, “Did you just...?”
Lucy nodded her head lazily, “Mhmm.”
He sat frozen, trying to comprehend that, but before he could, Lucy was moving again. She grabbed his arm in a tight grip and looked at him with an almost crazed look in her eyes, “Enough foreplay!”
She dragged him to his feet and pulled him toward the small pool of hot spring water that was his private onsen. As they got close, she spun around and grabbed a very stiff part of his anatomy, “You should be proud, no one else will ever be able to claim they lost their virginity together with me.”
He gaped at her, “You're a virgin?!”
She laughed and ran a finger down his chest between his pecs, “I know I'm not the original Lucifer from my world. Rather, I am a copy. So, while I do have memories, this body has never physically done those things.” She reached up and grabbed the back of his head, “Now, shut up and get ready for the night of your life.”
-----Line Break-----
Alexander groaned, his whole body ached. Lucy had lived up to her promise, he had definitely had the time of his life last night. Now his weak, fleshy body was paying for it. Despite being weakened due to his own low level of power, Lucy was still a divine being and significantly stronger than he was. The only thing that had given him any ability to keep up with her was his usage of Intermediate Pressure Points. Even then, she'd dominated the whole time, only giving him a slight edge after she climaxed. Which, thankfully, was pretty often since she was very sensitive.
He sighed and slowly sat up, only now paying attention to a notification he'd gotten shortly after the first time he'd climaxed inside of Lucy... Oh god, he hoped she wasn't or couldn't get pregnant. He was NOT ready to be a father, EVER.
[Feat Achieved! Take Lucifer's Virginity! +1 Random Legendary Gacha Ticket.]
[Feat Achieved! Lose Your Virginity! +1 Random Gold Gacha Ticket.]
Well, if nothing else, he got one hell of a good roll out of it, “Roll the Legendary ticket.”
[Throne, Legendary Trait, Race Change - You are a Throne, one of the highest-ranking angels with four pairs of wings. As a Throne, you possess great physical and magical abilities. All Holy and Light attributes are greatly boosted and cost less mana to use. You are capable of instinctively developing Holy and Light Magic. You also possess the ability to convert your own energy to searing holy light or pure holy energy. In exchange, all Darkness and Unholy attributes are greatly weakened and will hurt you upon use.]
“...”
“FUCK YOU! Reroll that shit!”
There was no way in hell he was switching to an angelic race while his one and only familiar was fucking SATAN! Not to mention angels were all holier than thou pricks, and he wanted nothing to do with any of those ass hats.
Of course, all of that was just his own assumptions; he'd never met an angel before.
[ROLLING!]
[Grand Thunderbird, Legendary Trait, Race Change - You are the descendant of a Grand Thunderbird, an ancient, legendary Thunderbird with power over weather and lightning. As a Grand Thunderbird, you possess a great physique with incredible enhanced agility and reflexes; your eyesight and hearing are unmatched. You possess wings that allow you to easily fly at supersonic speeds and incredibly tough and sharp talons. You can also cloak yourself in and discharge electricity from your body. As a Grand Thunderbird, you can naturally manipulate the weather of the area you are in, bringing rain, open sky, clouds, and can even rain down lightning. You possess increased Wind and Lightning affinity.]
“Okay, now you're just fucking with me! I don't want to be a goddamn bird OF ANY KIND! Reroll!”
[ROLLING!]
[Grandmaster Math, Mythical Skill, Your comprehension and understanding of numbers, mathematics, and calculations is at a concerning level. You could go to NASA and out-calculate their computers. The speed at which your brain and mind can crunch numbers and calculations is beyond the level of what most computers can achieve. If you forgot your computer at home, your mind is a better alternative anyway.]
“Are you fucking with me? You have to be fucking with me. A goddamn MYTHICAL roll and it's MATH?! Fuck. I shoulda kept the first roll. REROLL!”
Nothing happened, and it took him a moment to realize he couldn't reroll a Skill like he could a Race Change Trait. He scowled heavily in anger. Still complaining about getting a useless ass Mythical roll, he rolled over onto his side and went back to sleep. Fuck school. He was now the GOD of math, so he didn't need it anymore, right?
-----Line Break-----
Alexander groaned and opened his eyes exactly four hours, thirty-two minutes, and three seconds after he went back to sleep. He paused as he realized what he'd just calculated.
“Well, that's annoying.”
When he turned toward the bathroom door, his mind automatically calculated the exact distance and how many steps it would take him to get there. He scowled, “Is there an off switch?”
At his question, he felt something change as the Trait was disabled. He could turn it on anytime he desired to do so, but for now, it was off. He looked around, and no random math calculations happened again. He sighed in relief, “That's better.”
He got to his feet and made his way to the bathroom. He was halfway there when he realized he didn't have to piss or shit. He stared up at the ceiling and sighed, “Right, I forgot. I don't have to do that anymore.”
He frowned, feeling he was forgetting something else. Finally, he realized he still had a notification from his fun times with Lucy, the gold roll for losing his own virginity, “Roll the gold ticket.”
[ROLLING!]
[Disney Princess, Elite Trait, All animals naturally adore you and are friendly toward you. In addition, all Animal or Animal-aligned entities take a liking to you more easily, and it is easier to earn their affection and bond with them. In addition, you are naturally incredibly good at singing even without training.]
“...”
“FUCK YOU!”
He scowled and stomped back over to his bed, “Is it too much to ask to be given a godly power?!”
He threw himself into his bed and went back to sleep. Thank god none of his Curses stopped him from oversleeping.
However, before he could fall back asleep, the door to his room opened, allowing light from the hallway to flood inside. Lucy walked in and placed her hands on her hips, “Still sleeping? Wake up already! You've got customers to deal with if you're not going to go to school!”
She stomped over and ripped his blankets off and stared down at him as he groaned in complaint, “Also, what did you get for popping my cherry?”
Alexander blinked, fighting both the bright light and the surprise at her question. Then it dawned on him. She knew everything he did about the Gacha, because he told her. He stared her dead in the eyes, “Did you fuck me just to get a roll?!”
She shrugged, “Not just, I also needed that itch scratched. So, what did you get? It better have been at least a Diamond rarity!”
He sighed and draped his arm over his eyes, “It was a Legendary roll.”
“Ohhhhhh, Nice! I knew I was awesome! So what did you get?!”
He huffed, “The first thing was called Throne, and it was a race change into an Angel.”
Lucy froze, then began laughing, hard. Hard enough that she snorted and fell onto his bed, where she proceeded to hit it while kicking her legs in the air, “And angel! You?! Pffft Ahahahahahaaa!”
“Yeah, yeah, hilarious. Obviously, I re-rolled it. The second roll was another race change. This time into a giant fucking bird! A goddamn Grand Thunderbird.”
Lucy's laughter returned, “Oh my hell, they really wanted to slap some wings onto you, didn't they?!”
Alexander grunted in agreement, “Sure as hell seemed like it. So, I rerolled again.”
Lucy looked at him with great expectations, “The roll came up mythical compared to Legendary for the race changes.” He saw her excitement grow. Now it was her turn to feel the disappointment and share his misery! He gave her a wide smile as he revealed the results, “I've gained the Mythical Skill, Grandmaster...” He let it hang to get her excitement to build even more, “MATH!”
Her excited gaze instantly vanished into a deep pit of sheer disappointment, “Seriously? I fuck you and all you have to show for it is being able to do MATH?!” She looked up at the ceiling, though she was looking through it at the ROBs, “You guys are NOT funny!”
She sighed, but then perked up, “Oh! Did you get a feat for losing your virginity too?”
He quickly shook his head, “No, no, I did not.”
Her gaze turned suspicious, “You know who I am, right? You know one of my titles is 'The Prince of Lies, ' right?”
He started to feel a little nervous. She didn't let up, “So, you shouldn't be too surprised to know I can tell when people lie to me, right?”
He started to sweat while her eyes bored into his, and she asked, “So, you're going to tell me what you got, right?”
His resistance collapsed, and he muttered, “A gold ticket.”
“Aaaaaand?”
He closed his eyes and winced as if he were in physical pain, “It was a Trait called... Disney Princess.”
Half of the resort heard the mad cackling of a woman clearly enjoying a cosmically good joke.
-----Line Break-----
Alexander sighed with relief as the door to the massage parlor room closed behind his last customer. Lucy had been true to her word, and his customers were no longer exclusively fat, ugly bastards. They now include ancient and fat women, too!
She shuddered at the memory of loose, saggy skin beneath his fingers, “God? What did I do to deserve this?”
Naturally, there was no reply. Alexander hadn't expected one, but he would have been surprised to know that God was actually dead and answering no one's questions ever again. He shook his head and made his way out of the massage parlor. As he opened the door to the main public area, he stopped and stared at a very unwelcome sight, the girl with the bob cut whose name he still didn't know.
He would be mildly amused to know he'd seen it, and then proceeded to immediately forget it just the day before.
She stood there, arms crossed, foot tapping, and looking the picture perfect example of a very annoyed individual. Her shadow, the other girl whose name he didn't know, who had the neat eyes, stood behind her, also looking mildly annoyed. Did they go everywhere together? No, wait, he didn't care. He instantly ignored them and tried to make his way to the area of the resort where his room was located.
He got a total of ten steps before he found his path blocked by the two pretty girls. Even if he didn't really like them, he could admit they were attractive. The shorter of the two, Bob Cut in his mind, glared at him, “Smith-san, we need to talk.”
He sighed in annoyance, “Fine. Talk.”
Her glare intensified, “Fine. We'll begin with your failure to attend a single class yesterday.”
He stared at her blankly, prompting her to practically growl as he didn't answer the implied question and forced her to ask, “WHY didn't you attend your classes yesterday?”
He shrugged, “Didn't wanna.”
He wasn't sure, but it looked like she was about to blow an aneurysm. She took a deep breath and spoke through gritted teeth, “You 'didn't wanna,' and that's why you failed to show up to a single class?!”
He nodded agreeably, “Yup.”
She took a long, deep breath and slowly let it out, “And why did you fail to show up to the Student Council room for your detention?”
“I left the school after lunch. Also, didn't wanna.”
He wasn't sure, but it looked like the taller girl with the pretty eyes was trying not to laugh. Bob Cut glared at him hatefully. He really felt like she was trying to kill him with her gaze as she asked, “And let me guess, you didn't come to class today because you 'didn't wanna', right?”
He shook his head, “Oh no, that's not why I didn't go to school today at all.”
Her eyes narrowed, “Is that so? Then why didn't you come today?”
His grin turned positively evil, “Oh, I came today plenty.” He and Lucy had gone long after midnight, “I didn't go to school today because I was far too sore from all the rough sex I had for hours last night.”
He found the way Bob Cut's face turned a brilliant shade of red at his statement to be rather fetching on her. Even the way she constantly kept repeating, “You, you, you...” as if her brain had glitched, was pretty adorable.
“YOU CAD!”
He winced when her record stopped skipping and resumed playing at max volume. He rubbed his ears and gave her a mildly reproving look, “Hey, keep it down. This is a resort, and people are trying to relax.”
Bob Cut glared at him, and he swore he could see literal flames in her eyes, “You WILL come to school tomorrow. If I do not see you in the morning, I will bring the whole police precinct here to drag you there if I have to!”
She turned and stormed off with Cute Eyes following behind her. Looking at Cute Eyes from the back, he could see her shoulders subtly shaking. Yup, she was definitely laughing at Bob Cut. That was nice to know.
He sighed and made his way to his room. It looked like he would need to show up at school tomorrow to get Bob Cut off of his back. Joy.
-----Line Break-----
Alexander saw the moment Bob Cut noticed him. Her polite smile vanished, and fire blazed in her eyes. His choice to, once again, not wear the uniform might have had something to do with it. She stomped right up to him and grabbed the front of his T-shirt right below the collar. If he had to guess, she probably wanted to grab him by the throat and settled for the shirt because they were in public.
“Come with me. NOW!”
Still holding him by the collar, she dragged him through the school. Her actions elicited a lot of whispers from the surrounding students. Once again, Alexander was surprised by the sheer disparity between male and female students in the school. Seeing it made him one hundred percent certain he was either in an Ecchi world or a Hentai world. One or the other, but definitely a perverted world.
The number of ugly bastards he'd massaged lent credence to his suspicion.
Bob Cut dragged him all the way to the student council room, where she actually physically shoved him into a chair in front of a large desk. She sat on the opposite side of the desk and glared at him over a chess set while Nice Eyes stood silently behind her, yet again.
“Smith-san, we seem to have a problem.” She opened with.
He shrugged, “We wouldn't if you'd just ignore me.”
She scowled, “I can't do that. You are single-handedly lowering the prestige of Kuoh Academy and its related schools by your lack of drive.” She raised his hand sharply when he opened his mouth, “Expelling you would only further tarnish the reputation of Kuoh Academy, and I refuse to do so! We MUST come to an accord. To that end, I suggest a wager.”
He blinked in surprise, “You... want to make a bet with me?”
She gave him a serious look and nodded, “Correct. I propose we play a game of chess.” She gestured to the chessboard between them, “Should you win, I will no longer bother you about skipping school. Should I win, you will wear the proper uniform and attend class.”
He looked between Bob Cut and the chessboard. Given how confident she looked while proposing the bet, he was certain she was good at chess. Definitely better than he was, given he pretty much only knew the rules and little else. He frowned in thought before an idea popped into his head. He toggled Grandmaster Math back on.
Grandmaster Math basically turned his brain into a highly advanced computer. Computers played chess all the time. So why couldn't it help him win this game?
He maintained his bored facade while he nodded his head in agreement, “Sounds good to me.”
Bob Cut, looking supremely confident, made the first move as white. Alexander looked at the board while his mind whirred with information. After just a few seconds, he made his move.
-----Line Break-----
[Feat Achieved! Get Engaged to Sona Sitri! +1 Advantage Gold Ticket.]
Alexander looked at the feat he'd just earned and really wished he were alone so he could scream and cuss in confusion. Bob Cut, or Sona Sitri, he supposed, was staring at the chessboard in incomprehension. It was like her mind couldn't process what she was seeing and refused to accept what reality had presented her with.
Frankly, now that he'd played a game, Alexander was sure he could beat her faster than the half-hour previous game had taken.
Finally, Sona looked up from the chessboard and stared at Alexander with horror, “Do you realize what you've done?”
He shrugged, “Won my freedom. Later!”
Under the dead gaze of Sona Sitri and the shocked gaze of Cute Eyes, he made his escape from the room and the school. He jumped in his Regalia and made his way home to the privacy of his room as fast as he legally could. He didn't want to roll any of his tickets in public since the ROBs seemed intent on messing with him, and probably enjoyed his breakdowns when they messed with him.
“Roll the ticket.”
[Pick a Category!]
“Oh...” He frowned and looked at everything he already had. What might have something to help him the most? A new ability? Maybe. He would need two more before he could equip a second one, though. Unless he got something more useful to his current power level than Electromagnekinesis... Okay, possibly an ability.
An item? He did have good luck there, so maybe. Traits? Kind of a mixed bag, pass. Skills? Pass. He was still pissed his Mythic skill was math, even if it did help him win that chess match. Familiars? Oh god no. He did not need another one like Lucy, or worse! What if he rolled some massive monster?!
Okay. So, Ability or Item? He pulled out a one-hundred-yen coin, “Heads for Ability, tails...”
[ROLLING!]
“FUCK YOU! I was talking to myself!”
[Pyrokinesis, Elite Ability, Allows you to produce and control flames, your own or natural flames. You have fine control over the flames you control, being able to shape them into arrows, blades, walls, projectiles etc.]
[Tinker – Efficiency, Elite Ability, Allows you to build technological constructs or contraptions related to improving efficiency or more efficient and streamlined versions of existing technology.]
[Choose one!]
“Pfft, easy, Pyrokinesis.”
The next moment, he disabled his Electromagnekinesis and swapped in his brand new Pyrokinesis. Granted, he would need to wait twelve hours for it to activate, but that was fine by him. He knew Electromagnekinesis had a much higher top end than Pyrokinesis did; only an idiot wouldn't. The issue was all down to how strong he was, which wasn't very strong. He'd get more use out of the weaker Pyrokinesis. He would use it until he got stronger, then he could either swap it back to Electromagnekinesis or equip both if he had slots for it.
With that all done and dusted, he considered the words of the feat. Engaged? He didn't understand how winning a single chess match against that uppity girl ended with him engaged, presumably to her. Being engaged to her made more sense than being engaged to a stranger due to beating her.
Ugh, whatever. He was just going to ignore it.
-----Line Break-----
The next day, while taking a nice morning bath, he lifted his hand with his palm facing the ceiling and willed a small ball of fire to life. The world heeded his command as the small ball of fire appeared. He began changing the shape of the flames, his eyes widening in shock as something miraculous happened.
He'd had a trait, Exact, from the very beginning.
[Exact, Elite Trait, You are incredibly precise with your control over both your abilities and spells to the point that other people would struggle to match them.]
It was the only thing that let him use Electromagnekinesis at all, given how complex that power was. But now, as he stared at the flames shifting through random, highly detailed animal forms, he felt Exact working in tandem with Grandmaster Math to boost his control over Pyrokinesis to an unimaginable degree.
He turned the flames into a small bird with so much detail he could see the individual 'hairs' that made up each feather of its wings, and it cost him less energy than the initial fireball he'd conjured did. Even still, Grandmaster Math was showing him how he could conjure the same thing for even less energy, but he just lacked the precision control to actually pull it off.
He waved his hand and dismissed the flames with a wide grin. He felt a whole lot better about his safety in this unknown world now. With his supposed fiancée being some sort of demon, according to Lucy, he would need all the protection he could get. If there were demons out there, who knew what else there was hiding in the darkness of the world?
-----Line Break-----
AN
SURPRISE!
10.6k words
I know no one was expecting this. Don't worry, if you're enjoying Chaos on the Sea, it's still my focus at the moment. I only worked on this when I was either done with CotS for the day or stuck on where I wanted to go with it and needed a break.
I will only work on this in those same circumstances going forward. So a chapter of this might appear every few days or once a week or something. Unless you guys totally hate it.
Anyway! I had fun writing this, especially with the rolls that Alexander kept getting. And before "Thomas, ANOTHER Divine Skill?! We talked about OP!" I know, I know. But if you take a moment to think about it, Grandmaster Math is only truly broken if A) he learns human magic since it's the DxD world, and B) he has enough mana to actually cast the spells he makes. Sure, he could design a spell capable of destroying all of Japan, but does he have the mana to cast it? I also checked the other tiers of the Math skill, and Divine Formula (Divine) specifically mentions Beelzebub's Kankara Formula as only being achievable at that level. So he's not quite on that level. Maybe second only to Beelzebub?
Either way! He's only got the equivalent of 10 mana, so he's not going to be ending the world the moment he learns human magic!
Let me know what you guys think!