Robin manages to eavesdrop after his latest kitchen raid, and now he has a point to prove- even if it means making the old Sheriff look skinny in comparison. Enjoy!
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"So, you heard the word from the lady of the manor?"
"Oh yeah, it ain't like she left much room for interpretation. Lord Robin ain't allowed any more food from the kitchens, not until he loses some weight."
"I never thought I'd see the day, our Robin Hood like this— he's got to be big as the old Sheriff."
"Big as? Please— Lord Robin's bloody well ate the old Sheriff. I just wish I knew how he were still getting into the kitchens— he can't fit through the bloody door!"
"He was always a clever one. If he wants something, he's never found a way to be outfoxed yet."
"Well, he'll stop if he knows what's good for him— Lady Marian said he's big as a whale."
"She has good eyes, at least…"
Robin let out a deep sigh of relief as one of the night guards and his own seneschal passed by his hiding place, his belly rolling out by at least an inch as he relaxed. The fox's nighttime raids had only grown more elaborate, and the hauls more extreme as he had found this game to be the best diversion he had enjoyed in years— even if the comment about being as big— if not bigger— than ol' Bushel-britches was hitting particularly close to home. But more than that, he just knew Marian had been trying to corner him into a diet.
That small voice of reason muttered in his head that it might not be the worst thing— after all, Robin had grown enormous. His huge gut stretched out his fine clothes to a bursting point, a huge, globular weight that bounced ponderously whenever he walked, his once spry and springy legs now caked over in fat, forcing him into a creeping waddle whenever he wanted to pass by quietly. The fox's whole profile had become soft and rounded, from a chest like a pair of flour bags to a round rump that seemed determined to swallow up his own tail, his roguishly handsome face buried under extra chins and round, chipmunk cheeks.
He could stand to lose some pounds— but then, when had Robin ever followed authority, even when that authority was his own wife? If she was going to try to pin him down, she was going to get a fight on her hands— Robin Hood was going to pull off the mother of all food raids, and then they would see just how much Marian wants to fight to put him on a diet.