Unlike what my company would suggest, I was not a particularly malevolent person. There was just no depth to my particular depravity. What came out however, was typically dependent on the party I was dealing with.
For most, I was simply a wandering gentleman, long coat, vest, top hat, party favours and all.
Opening my bag to ensure that my valuables remained untouched by Esdeath's ice, I zipped it back up and slung it over my shoulder, stepping back into the devastated interrogation room.
The cruel imperial general stood there unperturbed, arms crossed under her breasts.
"What do you even have in there?" She tilted her head cutely.
I didn't even spare her a glance. "The same as before. Tricks and trinkets for all ages. Oh, some currency, and those gloves I pried off that doctor you... neutralised."
"You make it sound so heartless. He tried to kill you."
"Yes, the very one. Stylo? Styling?"
A self-titled genius of questionable intelligence whose first instinct had been to attempt drugging with some virus he had made even Esdeath declared my person off-limits. Well, she did cut him in two, so I bore the man no ill will anymore.
Especially since I looted his corpse.
"Stylish. Dr. Stylish."
Esdeath fell in behind me as I stepped past, exiting into a long corridor with bleached white walls. As we walked, she would sway her hips from side to side like a youthful maiden, hands locked behind her back.
I took the time to retrieve my items from the bag.
A golden pocket watch that was promptly shoved into my breast pocket after I checked the time, a brass compass in my other pocket that always pointed in the opposite direction, followed by a cane with a switch on the hilt and a grimoire that simply soaked up and wasted everything recorded.
They were all-purpose items that were generally useful in any world I found myself in, though the cane was more of a necessity for any established gentleman.
By then, I'd reached the closed double doors on the end of the corridor.
"What's this world?"
"I only just arrived, dear miss."
An unceremonious shove with both hands, and I stood face to face with an atypical police station in a not so typical state. Everything had been ransacked. The carpeted floor was covered in trash and papers, the windows were barred up and barricaded with whatever chairs or tables could be lifted.
"This is an office of the law?" Esdeath questioned curiously. "You let them take you in?"
"Hey, it seemed amusing to go along, and it turned out I was right."
A few feet away, some strange and twisted brown snail-like creature with human teeth was gnawing away at a fresh corpse. Instead of a shell, it had arms and legs, some too small, some too big, with some acidic liquid oozing from below it.
Several others, with the form of a bat and the eyes of a mayfly hung from the ceiling. Their numerous red eyes reflected myself rather splendidly.
All of the beings roused up a certain distaste by their very nature, as if being around them would give flame to all the ugly emotions we usually kept locked away in our hearts.
Oddly, the disgusting creatures, despite their clear malevolent nature, did not budge an inch. The one on the floor had frozen in its place the moment we stepped inside.
"...You really let them capture you?"
"Interestingly, I don't think those fellows could see these."
Esdeath took a step closer. The creatures on the roof cried out, spreading their wings. The wings were tipped with fingers, I noticed. Then, crying and sputtering, they threw themselves at the walls instead, breaking themselves against concrete in some desperate attempt to escape.
My general tilted her head in confusion once more.
I covered my mouth with a hand, chuckling, "They know you're worse than them."
"How boring." She sighed, letting her shoulders droop.
Now that I paid attention, the same malevolence as those beings seemed to emanate from her as well, at a level that dwarfed all else. I dismissed the event with a shrug, her nature couldn't be unknown to me.
I watched Esdeath wrench upon the main doors with her bare hands before stepping over to her.
"Now, there's a sight I'd almost forgotten." I clapped my hands together in joy.
What greeted me was not the lush fantastical forests and mountains filled with creatures of fantasy and magical powers like I'd grown used to, but instead a jungle of concrete, steel, rebar and cables. High-rising apartment complexes and office buildings reached out to aid in humanity's quest to grasp the very heavens above, hiding the very Sun behind their incredible height.
It did not matter to me that some had fallen to ruin, that they looked deserted and lifeless, the mere sight was enough to cause elation. It was worlds with widespread media that allowed a showman to truly take a stage, to inspire fear and awe and terror and wonder.
From the make of the destroyed cars blocking the streets, I could easily assume that they were in the early 21st century, and not in some kind of tech apocalypse. In fact, a look to the right revealed a wall of pitch black darkness enclosing a significant part of the city.
I took a deep breath of the dusty polluted air, feeling the heat of the afternoon on my skin.
Truly, I could not help but take Esdeath by the hands and spin her around in dance. She let out a giggle and humoured me enthusiastically.
"I love when you're happy, Teddy."
"Don't call me that."
"It's cute~"
I never got the chance to retort. The sound of tearing air reached my ears. Taking a look at my pocket watch to calculate the time I had, I took three steps forward before gripping my ivory cane with both hands and raising it as one would a baseball.
A second passed.
I swung it with all the force I could muster.
Thwack.
Whoever had been approaching was launched into the fifth or sixth floor of the office building beside us.
"Now," I fixed my hat. "That's a proper home run."
Purposely, I'd missed the person being chased. He was a kindred spirit. An eccentric sort of fellow with white loose robes from a by-gone era and a purple gi-like vest that went down below his stomach. His stringy dark hair was done up in two ponytails that jutted up and out, and a black mark over his nose that went from eye to eye.
He regarded me with a blank expression, fists raised defensively.
I smiled and waved.
"Who the hell do ya think you are?!"
My home run did not take the joke in stride. He came blustering out of the ruins above us with a broken nose and a red face. He wore a button-up shirt under a dark loose sleeved robe and a... a...
"Bwahahahahaha!" I clutched my stomach with both hands. "A... s-skirt is an interesting choice, sir."
"T'is not a skirt, ya blockhead!"
"Dyed hair too."
"Shuddup!"
"Who...are you?"
The one I'd saved asked seriously, not in the mood for jokes.
I took off my hat and gave a neat bow.
"Theodore. At your service. Would any of you gentlemen tell me where I am?"
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