"Are you genuinely stupid you stupid bitch? What the fuck do I care what you think?!" The crazed priest put his strange Glock against his cheek, then licked the metal barrel up and down with his oddly long tongue, "I'll put a new hole in you, and then I'll fuck it. That damn Fallen Angel lady won't give me any so she can't complain either!"
He let out a cackle that was closer to the sound of a dying pig than a man.
"F-Father Freed! Please stop!"
All the while, I had to wonder... He swore a lot. I wasn't really a stickler. I swore as much as the next guy, but it wasn't as bad as this. Actually, the number of times he swore with every sentence he spoke made me want to turn around and stop swearing entirely, even with my inner voice.
Did he seriously think he looked cool doing that?
"Are you gay?" I ended up asking the second thing on my mind.
All the emotion drained from his pale face.
"What?"
"Every word you say is about holes this or holes that." I craned my neck, leaving Asia to stand between us in confusion, "I mean, with how much you say it, it's like you're trying to convince yourself of something."
Alice let out a long squeal, "M-Master-sir, I-I don't think you should be provoking the madman!"
It was a genuine question though...
"YOU HERETIC-SHIT, I'LL FUCK YOUR ASS WITH MY SWORD."
There it was again.
This time, he seemed to realise what he'd just said as well and stopped short, his lips twitched, then he put the gun back in its holster.
"Fuck, you're right."
Oh, he really noticed.
Freed closed his eyes in thought. That was kind of a huge mistake, on his part. Asia's long skirt flipped upwards for some odd reason as I shot at the man in a single lunge, leg pulled back for the perfect kick. Unfortunately, I was a huge weeb. The sight of her pale, creamy and full thighs turned out to be too stimulating to ignore. I watched her yelp and pull the skirt down with a red face in slow motion.
Shamefully, my kick was thrown off trajectory.
I ended up kicking the air over his head instead. His eyes were pulled wide open by the sheer amount of force as he fell back on his butt. Like a sudden storm had descended, the air zoomed, then exploded outwards. The trees behind the priest bowed the other way. The bushes beneath them were ripped from the roots up and tossed into the blue skies.
Alice was the first to react. With my shoulder abruptly gone, she plummeted to the grass.
"Wha-wha-wha-wha..."
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" The priest screeched aloud.
"Kick your enemy in the face when he's distracted." I gripped my chin, "I think Sun Tzu said that."
He scrambled backwards with his hands, beads of sweat rolling down his face, "The fuck he did!"
"But-but I thought you were supposed to be human-" Alice rolled around in the grass. She quickly found her footing and sat up, "-My eyes weren't working either..."
I smiled calmly at my travel companion, "I work out. Every day."
"I do that too! And I can't do that for shit! You... You're delusional or something!"
"Quit interrupting me."
When I cast a glance at him, he yelped like a little girl, backing away further. I shook my head and made my way to the shocked Asia.
"Hey Asia, you sure you want to stay here?" I jabbed a thumb backwards, at the ruined Church the idiot had come out of, "I'm sure I can work something up with my dad. And, I really don't want to leave you with someone like him. You're pretty cute, and he kind of feels like a rapist."
Though I said that, I doubted she would actually take that offer. I'd promised to be her friend, but she didn't know me all that well. No reasonable person would take the offer. Still, the burning heart of a weeb DEMANDED I make it. This totally sounded like an isekai event.
My words seemed to pull Asia from her stupour. The innocent nun shook her head from side to side, as if she were trying to order her own thoughts. She looked up at me, then past my shoulder at the panicking Freed.
"I-I was told-"
"No, not told. What do you want yourself, Asia?"
"I..." Her lips quivered, "I don't want to go with-"
"No! No! No! You can't fuck up the big boss lady's' plans like that! She'll burn my ass alive" The priest jumped up. Somehow, his fear of me was gone, overtaken by a different sort of panic. "WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE ELSE!? GET OUT HERE ALREADY!"
I did not pay much attention to the man for I was too taken with the high of getting to experience an event like this for myself. Who the hell wouldn't want a cute girl like her to choose them? Still, her cuteness was a middling factor, an added bonus perhaps.
My parents had raised me to be genuinely incapable of abandoning someone like this.
"M-Master-sir, they're coming, they are. I can sense a lot of people!"
"Kuhahaha...!"
Freed laughed madly again. He even whipped out his gay pistol again. His little goons finally decided to join him as well, funnelling out of the double doors. Unlike him, they were dressed in black, more like traditional priests in their long black coats. They did wield the same weaponry as Freed himself.
I paid them no heed.
"I want to..." Asia stared at the ground, "...go with you. I-I'm sorry for being so selfish. I know you were just being kind to a strange b-but... I've never..."
At that, I grinned, unable to hide how pleased I was with her decision. That grin remained as I turned to face Freed again. He shivered terribly and gripped his shoulders with either hand.
"G-Get his ass!"
...
...Seriously though, how messed up was Asia's upbringing that she clung to me like this?
The first priest that came close was a bald one. He swung his sword right down to slice me from shoulder to gut, but I side-stepped. Before he could notice, my foot was hooked around his neck.
"Wai-"
His body became a blur. A blur smashed into two of his brethren and sent all three of them crashing against trees. Several of them swung simultaneously next, I ducked down, and spun around to kick their feet out from under them.
"Masao-"
I did not need Asia's warning to notice the few of them that trained their guns on me in that time. Instead of closing the distance, I grabbed at the earth beneath my feet, ripping out a massive chunk of dirt and rock.
"I fight range with range."
They scrambled to dodge, but failed miserably... The chunk of earth crushed them against the cracked walls of their own sanctuary.
"Master-sir..." Alice spoke from behind me, "My eyes aren't broken... are they?"
"Nope. Don't worry though. I want you by my side anyway."
"O-Ooohhh!" The talking rabbit began blustering.
It was disappointing that she thought so little of my love for what she brought to the table. It truly was. First, she called my smiles sleazy and now this...
"W-What the fuck are you?!"
My vast intake of both slop and quality told me that... that was a trick question. There was no right answer. No matter what you responded with, you would end up sounding corny all the same. Still... I did want to say at least something.
"Where the hell are the damned-... Fuck it. I'm outta here!"
Hell no. That would bring shame to all anime fans everywhere.
He should never have turned around to leave. It only meant that when I shot his way the second time, leaned down for a punch, the closest target was his spine. I felt a sickening crunch against my fists as my jab connected with his backside.
Freed coughed out blood and then his body was flying through the wall of the destroyed Church.
"Should've hit harder." I noted, staring at my fist, "But, if I hit too hard, he'd just become..."
Yeah, that would be too disgusting for me.
It was really hard to hold back enough to just not blow through things. I didn't even want to look at what would happen if I did that to a person.
"How was that, Alice?"
The white rabbit hopped excitedly, "Super-cool, awesome, master-sir! I have to ask... why is your mana stat broken too?"
"It is?"
I could ponder over that later.
Right now, there was a cute little nun nervously waiting for me just past Alice. I gently grabbed the rabbit and plopped it down on my shoulder as I passed by. Asia looked up at me again. Silently, I waited for her to speak.
"Did... Did you change your mind?" She asked quietly.
I scratched my cheek, "My home is kind of small."
It wasn't that we didn't have the money. There were just too many memories in there for me or my dad to move. Neither of us had the heart.
She smiled so sweetly that I had to cover my eyes.
"A-As long as I get to be with you."
Hm...that was a rather strange way of saying it.
Oh wait… no, no that couldn't be it.
That wasn't how these things worked.
-
Bro does not know DxD.
Do you know Asia and Issei had all of three interactions, shorter combined than this whole chapter, before she fell in love with him? I don't really wanna do it like that, but I also don't wanna ruin the established character.
Hmmm, I'll think about it.
Canon art btw.