LOG-172.My eventual departure from Blue Thirteen and return to the Reef was bittersweet.Bitter, of course, in that I had delayed my return to Earth yet again, and of my own volition no less, but sweet in that I felt significantly better about my situation.I had a proper plan now, after all. One that wasn’t just cutting and running while leaving my creations to suffer like I had. There would be no abandonment of Batch Eighteen. No last minute farewell followed by a quiet disappearance and conflicted feelings.No. We would all leave together.It was that thought that consumed my mind as the light of the Galaxy Warp faded to reveal the sights and sounds of the ocean surrounding the Reef, waves crashing under, over and against each other in endlessly intricate patterns.I found myself watching the water as I went along the path towards the facility, feeling slightly lighter than usual, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.That brief, floaty feeling went away the second I spotted the familiar figure watching me from the production center’s entrance, her prideful smile nearly causing me to scowl before I squashed the desire down and plastered the usual stony expression of authority across my face.I noted the way her hands were politely folded over one another in the midst of my approach, claws eagerly tapping out some unknown beat against her lightform as the distance closed between us until, finally, we were both close enough that we could hear each other over the waves without yelling.Excited about something. Slight and rapidly fading ruffles in her uniform indicate she rushed to this position the second the Warp pad went off. Likely has something she wants to either speak with me about, or otherwise show off.Uninterested in the latest bout of waiting for someone to speak first, I took the initiative and gave my former Caretaker a nod, settling to a stop as I did so.“Nacre Three.”Her smile widened, and something ugly twisted inside of me at the excitement in her eyes.“Overseer! I bear excellent news in regards to your project with Eighteen A! Shall I inform you of them immediately, or would you like to see the results personally?”…Results?—I stared at the faux blasts of glitter occasionally flowing through the air, even as Violet’s tiny form darted through them upon gently flapping wings, letting out happy little sounds as she did so.“As you can tell, Eighteen A has managed to display a marginal capacity for holographic projection after a few sessions of experimentation. Though we haven’t quite gotten to the state of having her manifest something like an image form, this is an excellent sign!”
…Interesting, but how exactly was she doing that? Could I-Abruptly, my thoughts halted. Or perhaps shifted.
And then I felt…something, focused in or around my eyes. I saw what might have been a hint of an afterglow around my field of vision, and it flickered for the briefest moment before expanding. Just like that, the tiniest details became visible to me, along with auras or shadows of shapes that seemed to make up the underlying layer of Violet's new trick.The pieces of ‘glitter’ are all extremely small holographic tetrahedrons, set to follow a movement pattern that is designed to appear outwardly chaotic. Her holowings appear to act as their source, with the connection between them proving short lived, resulting in an extremely limited range.
Oh. I…hadn’t realised I could do that. Was it…was it just because I wanted to see what was going on better? What had triggered such an enhanced level of vision?“My current working theory is that despite her physical gemstone’s lessened state, the fully realised inner dimension it serves as an anchor for is still present, simply…locked away, so to speak.”
While I briefly grappled with the abrupt manifestation of an ability I hadn’t realised I’d had, Nacre Three cluelessly continued on with her spiel.
“Further practice should, in theory of course, successfully ‘unlock’ these partitioned sections. It’s utterly unprecedented, and, again, still all just conjecture at this stage, but if proven true could lead to revolutionary results in the field of Gem production!”Forcibly diverting my attention back to the world around me and watching my first creation continue to perform quick aerial manoeuvres above my desk, each twist and turn accompanied by a burst of holographic glitter, I slowly turned to look at Nacre Three, giving her a small smile.“This is good work. I’ll see to the rest myself for now, return to training the remainder of the Batch in the meantime.”There was, for the absolute briefest of instances, a hint of hesitation in the Caretaker’s eyes at my dismissal, before she nodded gratefully, performing a mixture between a bow and a curtsy as she moved towards the door to my office.“Of course, Overseer. I eagerly await news of how else you might perfect her.”Staring until the Gem had exited the room and closed the door behind her, I waited a moment longer, before calmly reaching towards a single screen projected from my terminal, a single click of a talon locking the door afterwards.Then I whipped around towards Violet, desperately holding my hands up to serve as a platform for the miniature Pearl to land upon, her eyes widening slightly as I roved over her lightform.“Did she hurt you in any way? Did she hurt any of the Batch? What about-”My worried questions promptly cut off as I received a blast of glitter to the face, shining sparkles of light filling my vision for a second before revealing Violet’s nonplussed expression, her arms crossed and wings hanging behind her back like a cape.Naturally, the blatant disrespect, something I hadn’t experienced since Amethyst’s lax behavior with everyone, left me stunned for a moment. And…slightly pleased, if I was being entirely honest with myself.“Nothing happened beyond Patina getting all mopey about you being gone for so long. Relax.”Processing the blunt explanation, I automatically turned my gaze to her microexpressions. I wanted to be sure, I wanted to be certain that she wasn’t trying to lie for my sak-
NO.Violet flinched as my pose and expression froze, the Pearl looking at me with blatant concern, before I slowly, haltingly pulled back my other hand to press against the side of my face.
No. That isn't-that wasn't me. That shouldn't be me. I don’t need to confirm that my own creation is telling the truth. I don't want to need that. That’s what trust is for.
I wouldn’t think this way without that inclusion in my code suggesting things to me.
And yet...these are still my thoughts, and my intent to know. The ability to perceive them in detail combined with the strive for self awareness leads to discomfort at the disparity between the self image I'm willing to accept, and the qualities I find despicable.
However much I would want to see them as something separate from myself, and to shift the blame, it doesn't change the fact that they are merely another layer of my own mental processes, a realisation of my own desires, worries and uncertainty.
I’ve simply found myself in possession of a tool that can be used to solve various problems, so now I am willing to employ it when another one presents itself. No outside influence was needed for that. Fleeing from what I truly am won’t help anyone, much less myself.No. Or maybe yes? I didn’t really know, damn it. I didn’t have a way to check in any case, and even if I had, how could I trust the results anyway?
…But even if that's how things truly were, a person should be able to decide for themselves which thoughts and drives should be translated into actual actions, and which should not.
And this thing. This virus or…or whatever it was that had been forcibly implanted into my very being, was far too eager to act upon the merest hint of my intent. Or upon my fear.
Its utility remained undeniable. I’d just been given a pretty fucking direct example of that. But the worth of that same utility was dangling along a thin line when balanced against the potential risk that came with allowing my own temptations to dictate my actions.
Of course, it would be irrational to discontinue the application of it, now that I need to be efficient and avoid making mistakes more than ever. But it also would be an utter irresponsibility to not keep the undesired consequences in check or to avoid monitoring the process.
...
I should be the one to decide who I want to be. Not my code. Not White’s…additions.Me. Myself. I.
The thought was almost immediately followed by the feeling of…something. Something shifting and turning and settling. Something that I couldn’t possibly identify, but that felt significantly more natural than the synthetic addition my captor had shoved into my mind.For a long moment, I stood there, unmoving, one eye covered by a hand clenching tightly enough that I could feel the tips of my talons pressing into my lightform, the other staring at the wall with an intensity that almost would have made it shake, if it were anything less than a projection of light.“...Viridian, are you alright?”I slowly turned to stare down at Violet’s uncertain expression. And I could sense it, that cold, detached, inhuman process starting to analyse her for me. Trying to be helpful. Trying to provide information and solutions. And trying to optimize me in the process.The grip I kept on it was entirely a mental one, yet it nonetheless worked to keep the train of thought properly observed as I assembled a suitable reply, slowly removing my palm from my face and smoothening my features into something that didn’t look so inherently hostile.Or fragile, for that matter.“I…I’m fine, for now. We need to talk about a few things, Violet. A lot of things are going to change soon, and you and the rest of the Batch need to be ready for them.”There was still a hint of unease present in the little Pearl’s lightform, but the intrigue on her face distracted from it, the small Gem leaning forwards slightly as she voiced her response, tone turning questioning.“Will it be better than the Reef?”Considering the query, I idly contemplated lying for her benefit, to at least try and preserve what little innocence she had for that little bit longer, before realising what I was trying to do and catching myself.
She was an adult. I had made her to be an adult. And I would need to treat her like one, no matter how I felt about it.
“You’ll be free to decide that, once we all escape.”
My creation froze at that, even the slight fluttering of her holographic wings pausing.
Likes what I just said. Likes it a lot.Then she grinned, a vicious, tiny thing that would have sent a shiver up my spine, if I’d still had one.
“Good.”
…Was this what being proud of one’s child felt like?
Goodness, how…exhilarating.