After showering off the massage oils, our lead plops under the bed sheets and turns on the TV with a huff. Just a few moments later, there’s a rapid knock at the door. He pops it open and in confidently strides an extremely buxom lady in a revealing dress. She sits herself right down and introduces herself as Roxie Roxton! She’s come to collect him for dinner. They’re seated together in the platinum ticket dining hall and when Ms. Winchester didn’t show, Roxie went out to find her new friend. She’s a bit ditzy, proudly wears a too-tight floral patterned minidress, and has a necklace of pearls the size of golf balls that rests on her chest, proudly displaying both to the world. She says she envies him for cruising alone. She came with her husband and he just wants to hang out and watch TV, just doesn’t get in the cruise mood at all! Something about her showing up, her attitude, and her appearance strike him as a threat and he agrees to join her for dinner.
The next morning, he mopes around his room, glaring at his still puffy lips. There’s a quick knock at the door and then the immediate jingle of a keycard being scanned. The maid comes in carrying her supplies and then glares at him. Ms. Winchester, what are you doing still lazing about your cabin at this hour! You’re here to enjoy the ship and it insults us all if you just sleep all day. Uninvited, she marches over to his luggage bag, tosses him sandals and a sundress, and then puts an arm around his back to push him out the door. How is everybody that works here so strong?! She tells him to get changed at the pool and enjoy himself. She’s going to put a lock on the card reader that won’t let him back in the room until the afternoon! Chastised, he starts making his way down the hall before dropping the sandals and slipping them, only to find they sport a three-inch heel. He grumbles but it’s that or walking barefoot all over the carpet and a hot deck outside... Avoiding the bar and its tempting but sickening drinks and steering clear of the activity stations, he finds a deck chair and plops down into it. Shortly, two women come over with sunglasses, a wide-brimmed hat, and a bottle of suntan lotion. He thanks them and they tell Ms. Winchester they’re always here to help. He mumbles, yeah but not find luggage and then starts applying the lotion. It’s a strong smell, like he’s rubbing a fresh pineapple and coconut on himself, but if you don’t come back from a cruise without a good tan, that feels like a kind of sacrilege.
After tanning his front and back, and then some snacks and a nap, his eyes flash open when he hears “Ms. Winchester!” excitedly shouted from seemingly across the deck. Over dances Roxie, barely concealed by a gold bikini and sporting shiny silver earrings and bracelets so mirrored he couldn’t look at her without his sunglasses. She’s excited to find her “friend” and wants to grab a meal and a drink in the private lounge. He agrees and goes to rise, but has trouble. It feels like he’s stuck in the lounge chair. His thighs spread to the edge of the seat, but he got into the chair so he has to be able to get out. He grunts to get up, then falls back down on a hefty backside. Roxie reaches out with a manicured hand and helps him up to his feet. He apologizes and cautiously pats his plump hips, feeling the wobble. Roxie laughs and says that if you don’t put on a couple extra pounds, you failed your cruise. They pay the same ticket price no matter how much they indulge, so excess is the name of the game to get your money’s worth.