Well, we made it through another week folks!
My week wasn't terribly productive, but at least it was a little better than last week. I had a headache through the whole thing 😂 [ I get week-long headaches sometimes, having anxiety attacks basically guarantees one after unfortunately ]
I did do a tiny amount of writing, but honestly it's not enough to even justify posting the chart. I wrote out the 'waking up' scene for day 2, which involved 3 versions because MC can be in different places/etc. Then I realized that I fucked it up a little because I forgot to offer the opportunity to let MC go the bathroom [ similar to the original ], so I'll have to go back and edit that little bit that I wrote x_x
I keep trying to figure out the reasons for my writers block. I think it's a combination of things. I do think I'm tired/burnt out, but I also think I'm severely daunted. I never really had this issue with Strade's game.
It just felt like lower stakes with him. And his script was a lot simpler. Lawrence's is technically shorter but the different possibilities multiply fast and make my head spin.
And I know that so much of it is just my own personal expectations. I've seen people here comment things like 'I know it'll be great!' and that's so kind, I don't want to seem like I'm ignoring these people, but what I mean is that the issue of writing expectations is truly between me and me. I feel like I've come up with some genuinely great ideas for the outline of the script, and Lawrence is so much more personal to me than Strade. I have this ideal in my head that no one else can see and it's a tower I'm not sure I can climb.
But I want to make this art so badly. I frustrate myself. I paralyze myself.
The solution is simple. I just keep trying. I'll show up again on Monday, and again and again, however much it takes. I feel small and stupid, but I am also stubborn.
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I did decide to switch gears on Thursday/Friday to hopefully shake my brain up. I decided to buy a bundle of samples [ https://ovanisound.com/products/apprehension-engine-three-volume-bundle ] that was on sale for 115CAD. It's basically a collection of recorded sounds that are geared for horror stings and effects. They include a ton of scrapes and drones, and a bunch of cello stuff - exactly what I was hoping to use a lot in Lawrence's soundtrack.
I wanted to open Ableton Live 12 Suite again and mess around because I haven't used it for several months and I was getting kind of worried that I'd forget how to use the progrem [ it's a very complicated program and took me many hours of youtube lessons to learn the first time LMAO ]
I tried to make a track/song entirely out of samples from the bundle:
Certainly not my best work, but it was really mostly just taking two days to get used to the program again. It was a good reminder, and a good way for me to explore all the samples in the packs. I also tried to make something that embodies the slow and upsetting vibe I want for Lawrence's eventual soundtrack.
I've attached the song/mp3 at the bottom of the post [ lawrence_experiment.mp3 ]
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In personal news, like I mentioned in my mini update, I don't expect any more issues with UPS, so that's a big relief. Willow is also doing well- she's still adjusting to her new food but I think she's starting to fully stabilize and get fully healthy. She's certainly been happier, playing more and asking for pets/cuddling a lot.
^ This is her wanting some attention in the morning
^ And this is her being pissed off because her automatic feeder went off while the roomba was going next to it so it was too noisy to go eat right away [ yes my apartment is full of robots now but in my defence I gotta run a business and do everything myself 😂 ]
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Anyway, I'm gonna take it easy this weekend and I'm really hoping that I can get back to normal next week and actual get serious writing done again. I have to get over this hump.
Hang in there guys. Hang in there me. Stay safe next week, and of course, see you next Saturday!