Charles Dickens: i come to you today with solemn newsDickens: my raven, grip, died todayKing: oh no, charles, i'm so sorryKoontz: that's awful :(Barker: yeah, condolencesLovecraft: i'm sorryPoe: NO!!Poe: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poe: NOT GRIP!!!!!Poe: NOT GRIP!!!!!! ANYONE BUT GRIP!!!!King: edgar really liked gripPoe: WHY COULDN'T IT BE ME?!?!?!?Dickens: yeah i can see thatPoe: I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD ANYMOREDickens: ok you know what, turn it down a notch why dontchaDickens: sheesh
Dickens: you didn't let me finishDickens: grip died and i suspectDickens: foul playKing: what are you saying?Dickens: i think she was murderedKing: whoKing: who would murder your pet ravenDickens: exactlyDickens: [narrowing eyes] who WOULD murder my pet raven
Dickens: as far as i'm concerned, you're ALL suspectsDickens: and i intend to get to the bottom of this mysteryArthur Conan Doyle: this sounds like a case for ghost clubDickens: please arthur i'm not in the moodDickens: this is seriousDoyle: ghost club is seriousDickens: no it's not
Dickens: you seem awfully torn up at grip's death, edgarPoe: yeah i really liked gripDickens: a little TOO torn up if you ask mePoe:Poe: what are you sayingDickens: i'm not saying anything
Dickens: and deanKoontz: yeah?Dickens: i've heard you like dogsKoontz: i love dogs!Dickens: but did you love dogs so much that your jealousy of other pets would compel you to kill????Koontz:Koontz: no?
Dickens: and what about you maryMary Shelley: what about meDickens: you're well known for your shivvingDickens: how do i know you didn't turn that famous shiv on grip??Shelley: how did grip dieDickens: oh she drank a gallon of lead paint
Dickens: and what about you cliveBarker: what about meDickens: maybe you killed grip because you thought it would be funnyBarker: what the fuck dudeBarker: that wouldn't be funny at allBarker: killing your pet would actually be really messed up
King: charles, i know you're upsetKing: it's always hard to lose a loved oneKing: but you're just lashing out at your friendsDickens: you're rightDickens: especially because i know the REAL culprit is charles knight!!!Dickens: that's rightDickens: it was Charles Knight of The Society for the Diffusion of Useful KnowledgeDickens: whom i believe intentionally poisoned grip with a gallon of lead paintDickens: there's some useful knowledge for you to diffuse
Charles Knight: hey it's me charles knightKnight: creator of the society for the diffusion of useful knowledge's curiously compelling bathroom reader and the society for the diffusion of useful knowledge's absolutely absorbing bathroom reader
King: you think charles knight did it?Dickens: exactly, how do i know he didn't kill grip to make fodder for the "they went that a-way" section of the society for the diffusion of useful knowledge's newsletter!!
King: gee charles i think maybe you shouldn't be making these accusations when you're still upsetDickens: you're right, you're rightDickens: is there a way to blame this on hans christian andersen