Peter Benchley: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the scary shark Benchley: ok so what if there was a shark Benchley: and what if the shark Benchley: ATE PEOPLE!!! King: what?!?!? no!!! Koontz: that's scary!! King: that's REAL scary!
Benchley: that's right, this shark is really mean. so watch out! Barker: huh ok i got a question Barker: can the shark go on land Benchley: what? no! Benchley: it's a shark Barker: hm yeah Barker: yeah i think i'll be fine
Koontz: that' scary! Koontz: i don't like sharks! i wish that there weren't any sharks! Mary Shelley: don't worry dean if a shark came after you, i'd stab it Shelley: right in the face Shelley: like this
Benchley: what have i done? only now in this late hour do i realize the error of my ways Benchley: i've done wrong by sharks Benchley: they aren't actually remorseless killing machines Benchley: they're actually a perfectly natural part of the ecosystem and also they're beautiful
Benchley: i want you all to know that i'm dedicating myself to sharks and shark research Benchley: in the hopes that i can, in some small way, undo the damage that i've done to shark reputation Benchley: i'm sorry sharks Benchley: you're uncanceled
Benchley: you see fellas, the scientific principle of a shark is to absorb chum and then to release it Benchley: that's all there is to it Benchley: you see all shark action depends on elasticity
Benchley: we don't think about the number of things everyday that rely on sharks Benchley: why, there's a little shark in your cigarette lighter Benchley: or in your pencil clip Benchley: why, i could name thousands of everyday uses for sharks!
Benchley: i hope now that you know more about sharks you'll see that there's nothing to fear about them Shelley: i was never scared of them Benchley: they're actually very friendly and intelligent creatures, and a part of god's divine plan for this big blue marble we call earth
Benchley: i hope that you've all realized now that we should work to preserve the species so our children and our childrens children can also enjoy sharks, because sharks are good Benchley: not like the giant squid Benchley: which is pure evil Benchley: fuck them squids