Stephen King: everyone, listen up! my boy joe is going to tell a story tonight! Joe Hill: dad you don't need to do this King: everyone!! pay attention!! King: this one's gonna be good!! King: just like all his other stories Hill: dad please King: i love my beautiful boy!!!
King: everyone, you're going to love this one King: ok joe go ahead Joe Hill: submitted for the appr King: IT'S ABOUT A DRAGON Hill: dad! King: i'm sorry joe i couldn't help it King: i'm just so excited King: my boy joe wrote about a dragon Poe: hm i gathered
King: you're all gonna really like it King: it's a sprawling, multi-decade epic, a real moby dick of horror King: it's like joe hill's It King: except instead of a clown, it's got a dragon!! Hill: i wouldn't describe it like that King: it's exactly like that
Joe Hill: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of king sorrow Hill: it's about a group of friends who use a grimoire to make a faustian pact with a dragon Hill: as you do
Hill: so for this story we're going back Hill: back to the 90s Hill: when our hero isn't busy wearing flannel and listening to grunge rock and receiving AOL CDs in the mail, he's summoning dragons
Hill: so they summon this evil dragon Hill: from the fiery depths of the hell dimension Hill: and this eternally evil demon monster from beyond infinity looks at them and says Hill: COR BLIMEY GOVNA BIT O A STICKY WICKIT INNIT Hill: NIMMY UP THE WICKERSHAMS BOBS A DONUT RIGHTO
Hill: anyway this story deals with a major moral dilemma that i'm sure all of us have struggled with at some point Hill: is it ok to make a contract with an eldritch dragon from another dimension to do murders? King: boy King: we've all been there! King: am i right, guys? Poe: what
Hill: in a broader sense tho Hill: the real question is Hill: is it morally justified to murder evil people? Mary Shelley: yeah Hill: well wait just a second mary you haven't heard all the caveats yet Shelley: i said what i said
Hill: mary, stop it! you're not supposed to answer it Hill: it's a gedank experiment Hill: you know, like Hill: it's supposed to make you think Shelley: yeah i thought Hill: no! Hill: no not like that!
Shelley: do i get to kill the people myself Hill: no you just name them and then the dragon does the actual killing Shelley: fffffft Shelley: what's the fun in that Lafcadio Hearn: oo! it's like death note! Shelley: shut the fuck up nerd
Hill: guys be serious Hill: what if you had the power to murder, like, really evil people? Hill: it would still be murder Hill: would you want that on your conscience? King: hm really makes you think! Hill: exactly Barker: yeah makes you think about who you would murder Hill: no!
King: joe is right, it's a real moral dilemma King: i mean, i don't know if i could sanction murder King: even if it was the worst, most irritating, most annoying person in the world Barker: you sound like you have a name in mind, steve King: what? no no of course not King:
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy stephano king! King: King: [sweats]