Sarah Gailey: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the river of teeth Gailey: it's about the most dangerous game of all Stephen King: is it man? Clive Barker: what kind of question is that, steve? of course it's man Barker: it's always man Mary Shelley: phht
Mary Shelley: man ain't so dangerous King: well, actually, mary, it probably would be more dangerous than hunting a lot of other animals on account of Shelley: shut the fuck up, steve Shelley: i said what i said King: King: no but really Poe: steve, she's talking about men King: oh King: oh right
Sarah Gailey: actually when i talk about the most dangerous game i am not talking about man Shelley: told ya Gailey: i'm actually talking about hippos King: Poe: Barker: Koontz: Lovecraft:
Shelley: hippos ain't that dangerous either King: oh now come on mary you can't expect us to believe that you'd stab a hippo Shelley: why wouldn't I? King: King: i mean King: i mean it would take more than a knife to take down a hippo Shelley: not for me
Dean Koontz: but hippos aren't dangerous! Koontz: they eat plants! Sarah Gailey: oh dean Gailey: oh dean dean dean Gailey: actually according to statistics did you know that more people are killed by hippos than by lions? Koontz: whaaaaaaat?!?! Gailey: i know, right?
Gailey: did you know that there was a plan by the us government to import hippos to the swamps of louisiana Barker: yeah we all heard that NPR story Gailey: well, we all know that plan was never implemented Gailey: what this story asks is Gailey: what if it was
Gailey: what if the swamps of louisiana were now infested with evil, man-eating hippos? Gailey: and there was only one man who could stop them Gailey: a grizzled, battle-scarred veteran of the hippo wars out for one last score Gailey: and no hippo is safe
Gailey: that's right Gailey: colonel horatio T. Mchefferbottom III and her royal majesty's 12th airborne hippo division is back in action for a ripping bunch of two-fisted tales of wholesale hippo slaughter Gailey: the swamps will run blood Gailey: there's also romance too
Gailey: don't fool yourself Gailey: the hippo may look cute, maybe even harmless Gailey: but the so-called river horse is a remorseless murder machine, designed by God only for death Gailey: you ever looked into the eyes of a hippo