Michael Allen Rose: welcome to the bizarre world of Michael allen roseRose: oh my god! lady! no! stop!Rose: put your clothes back on!Rose: what if your husband were to see?Rose: i'm right here, michaelRose: sorry, i love your show, but i have to kill you bothRose: pew pew pew pew pew pew!!!Rose: Oh!! you got me! you got me!Rose: i feel so very…Rose: biIIIiiiIiizzzaaaAAAAaaaAAarre!!!
Rose: for this special bizarre meeting of the midnight societyRose: we have FOUR brand new bizarro authorsRose: are you readyRose: to getRose: biIIIiiiIiizzzaaaAAAAaaaAAarre???Carlton Mellick III: i was born readyMellick: bring them on for judgement
AE Hofmockel: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the reaper's strikeHofmockel: listen, what would you do if all those hard-workin' stiffs in the grim reapers union local #536 went on strike?Hofmockel: all those unclaimed souls just accumulating on the curb, week after weekKoontz: gosh! i wouldn't like that at all!Hofmockel: that's right
Hofmockel: look, we're reasonable grim reapersHofmockel: we just want management to come to the table and bargain in good faithHofmockel: [singing] look for the union label
Hofmockel: what if, during the grim reaper strikeHofmockel: a romance blossomed between a barista and the striking reaperHofmockel: who is specifically responsible for reaping e-coli?Hofmockel: because, yes, even bacteria diehofmockel: even bacteria die
PJ Bresnahan: what if there was a machine that could suck the joy right out of your body?Bresnahan: boy! that would sure suck, wouldn't it?Bresnahan: but what ifBresnahan: what if we could monetize the suck
Bresnahan: what if they could suck the joy out of you and then sell it to rich people?King: haha! what a crazy idea!King: they couldn't do thatKing: it would be wildly unethicalPoe:Barker:Koontz:Lovecraft:King: i mean, it would, wouldn't it?
Jonny Gensler: after losing his son to a school shooting, a father becomes obsessed with rebuilding himself out of LegosPoe: as a metaphor for rebuilding his fractured life, perhaps?Gensler: maybeGensler: but also for real
Gensler: oh wait did i say Legos?Gensler: i meant to say Brick-ItsGensler: a non-actionable, uncopyrighted analogue to Legos which has no connection to the Lego Corporation IncBarker: so they got to you too, did they?Gensler: i don't know what you meanBarker: those creeps in big Lego[Lego sneaks away]Barker: you better run, Lego!!
Bitter Karella: and my storyKarella: that's right, i'm here tooKarella: this whole bit was an advertisement the whole time!Karella: joke's on you!
Karella: my story is called monocerosEugène Ionesco: [coughs] rip-offKarella: n-no it's actually totally differentKarella: it's about a guy who turns into a unicornFranz Kafka: [coughs] rip-off
Barker: a guy who turns into a unicorn huh?Karella: yeah, exactlyBarker: that sounds like some kind of metaphorKarella: no it's not
Barker: it definitely sounds like some kind of metaphorBarker: gosh darn it what could it beBarker: it's right on the tip of my tongueKoontz: it sounds like a queer awakening metaphorBarker: yeah THAT'S it ha haBarker: wow from the mouths of babes right?
Karella: no that's not it at allKarella: it's about a guy who LITERALLY turns into a unicornKarella: it's very surface level, nothing queer at allPoe: nice dress, btwKarella: oh thank you!Karella: i'm so glad i made you say that
[advertisement]Rose: that's right, it's fourRose: count 'emRose: four brand new bizarro novellas from the New Bizarro Author Series from RoshamBo pressRose: fresh from the presses in NovemberRose: read them with someone you love![/advertisement]