[FILE 158 | Sakakibara Soichiro - BEDSIDE MANNER Log 03]

Soichiro is accustomed to keeping his emotions under strict control.

He never shows when he is exhausted.He never raises his voice when angry.And even when he wants something, he will not ask for it unless he believes it is necessary.

He has lived that way for a very long time.

That is why, once his composure begins to slip,he is surprisingly bad at hiding it.

He adjusts his glasses more often.The harder he tries to steady his breathing, the more uneven it becomes.He continues to wear that familiar look of confidence, while his eyes reveal everything.

Even then, Soichiro looks at the other person before thinking of himself.

Are they in pain?Are they frightened?Has he moved forward without noticing that they were left behind?

No matter how deeply his emotions overwhelm him,he cannot bring himself to abandon the person in front of him.

That is the shape his self-control takes.

And perhaps it is also the only way he knows how to care for someone.

＊＊＊

宗一郎は、自分の感情を管理することに慣れている。

疲れていても顔に出さない。腹が立っても声を荒らげない。欲しいものがあっても、必要がなければ求めない。

長い間、そうやって生きてきた。

だから、いざ平静を失い始めると、彼は驚くほど隠すのが下手だ。

眼鏡を押し上げる回数が増える。呼吸を整えようとして、余計に乱れる。いつもの余裕を装っているのに、目だけが正直すぎる。

それでも宗一郎は、自分より先に相手の顔を見る。

苦しくないか。怯えていないか。自分だけが先へ進んでいないか。

どれほど感情に振り回されても、相手を置き去りにすることだけはできない。

それが彼の理性であり、たぶん、彼が誰かを大切にする方法なのだと思う。