Growing into the Job, Post 589: After the...Thing, Whatever That Was, in the Parking Lot.

The conference room still smelled like cold air and burnt espresso. Maybe I didn’t know how to use the fancy new Nespresso thing cuz blech. Anyway, we weren’t here for the coffee. Sunday mornings, obviously, weren’t going to be about coffee anymore. Fifty people showed up, I thought, Fifty. At least.

I tossed my keys on the table and didn’t sit down yet. Lakshmi had already claimed a chair, hands wrapped around a mug of tea like she was trying to ground the building. Marisela’s laptop was open before she even pulled it fully into place; she was checking something in the news. I know she’d taken Amelia out last night - there was still some dried blood on both of their fingernails when they came in this morning. Amelia had left, to go get some sleep and do her hair. Marisela stayed, still in whatever fucked-up goth-demongirl Sisters-of-Mercy outfit that she dressed in when she hunted...

Stainless steel earrings studded each ear, and her tattoos seemed even more ritualistic than I remembered. Did they change? Strange bird, but I guess I’m not the one to talk. I swallowed a cantaloupe yesterday, just for practice. Two, in fact.

Marisela was also filming us, at times, for some reason. 

Anyway, on the table between the three of us: a stack of envelopes, a velvet jewelry box, a bouquet of white lilies, and a cashier’s check that made my stomach do a slow, deliberate flip.

Ten thousand dollars.

I tapped it once with my finger. I remembered how Missy had reacted when she’d been given the offe-...the money last weekend. It was not nearly this much. I wondered what this would do to her.

“Okay,” I said, “So I guess we’re not calling them fans anymore.”

Lakshmi exhaled slowly. “They were crying, Randi.” Lakshmi was dressed casually, maybe like she was headed to the gym from here.

“Yeah,” Marisela agreed, barely looking up from her laptop, jewelry in her ear glinting, “Some of them were.”

I leaned back against the whiteboard and let it replay in my head. My head was getting better at these sorts of things.

The parking lot crowd this morning had doubled since the last one last weekend. Easy fifty, maybe more if you counted the ones lingering near the sidewalk, watching, taking pictures. Some brought signs this time. Someone had printed a high-res bigger-than-lifesize cutout, a still from that news segment - Melissa mid-laugh, hair catching some light like she’d been fucking lit from within.

It was a lot of women, but a bunch of men were there too. One of them, I saw, couldn’t stop shaking. Maybe he was trying to keep from touching himself; that’s what it seemed like to me, at least. A few other  people had been humming something that sounded I dunno like something you’d hear at church. 

Anyway, I dressed the part a little more this time, a long black wrap dress, structured with strong lines. My tall black boots. The same choker as last weekend, and a couple of matching gold cuffs and some rings. Marisela insists she wants to design some new jewelry for us. I did my hair with more purpose, more deliberate. More makeup. I figured that If they’re going to look at someone, it’s going to be me. I felt like I stood taller for it. Anyway, they’d all gone quiet when I stepped forward. Not confused quiet. Expectant quiet. Like they were waiting for something to descend.

Nope just me. At first, at least.

“I fucking told them she wouldn’t be making an appearance, their ‘Melissssy’,” I said now, rubbing my temple, “Which I thought was true at the time. So I thanked them for coming, told them a little bit about our week here, the good that we were doing. How Missy was guiding us - I think that’s what they wanted to hear.” I paused. “I didn’t know what the fuck to say.”

“You did fine, Randi,” Lakshmi said. She’d been there to help me boss around the downstairs monkeys, to get set up. Folding chairs and whatnot. Seven o’clock on a stupid Sunday morning. “Better than fine. You were…inspiring.”

To that, I scoffed. But it had felt good, having all those normies looking at me, listening to me, hanging on my every word. I had felt something different in my voice, in where the words came from, somewhere deeper. I hadn’t written them down, they just…kinda showed up. 

Marisela looked up. She hadn’t been there, to see this part. “And then?”

Lakshmi answered, closing her eyes briefly. “And then she stepped into the upstairs window,” she said, “Melissa. She opened it, to look out over everybody. And he was with her.”

Marisela nodded. “Oh?”

Yeah. Oh.

“It wasn’t, like, dramatic, that’s the part that gets me,” I said, taking a sip of burnt coffee from a stupid little cup, “She didn’t say anything about it ahead of time, didn’t give me any warning. She just…appeared in the apartment window over the front entrance, right over where I was speaking. White tank, probably what she’d slept in. Hair all loose and messy. Squirt just behind her shoulder. Looking like they’d just rolled out of bed together.”

“They have been in bed all weekend…we have all been feeling it,” Lakshmi added quietly, “but I thought they were at her mom’s house.”

“How did she look otherwise?” Marisela asked, already scouring the fan sites looking for accounts, maybe pictures from this morning. 

“Besides the bed head?” I began, “She looked calm I guess. Not hyped. Not manic.” I took a second, remembering the expression on her face as she looked out across the parking lot at the crowd that had gathered, just for her. “She looked goddamn radiant, Marisela. Like she’d just woken up from the best sleep of her life and realized the world belonged to her.”

“She lifted one hand and waved…” Lakshmi added. 

“Yeah and that was it,” I scoffed, “She waved and fifty grown adults lost their fucking minds.”

One woman had dropped to her knees so fast I heard it crack on the pavement. A guy near the front started crying -  not quiet crying, either. Full chest, shoulders shaking. Someone said “Mother” loud enough that I felt it in my teeth.

“Like the rest of them I looked up,” I continued, “Squirt had stayed half a step behind her. Not trying to be hidden. But not trying to be seen. Just there.”

“And how did he seem?” Marisela asked. Sometimes I forget how pretty she is. It’s easy enough to forget about, her being a goth-punk serial killer and all. But she’s got some deadly cheekbones, and those ice-blue eyes.

“He did not look confused, if that is what you mean,” Lakshmi answered. She considered her tea, but didn’t take a sip.  “He looked…settled.”

“To me, he looked…accepting, like he wasn’t going to try to fight this,” I added, remembering his expression, what I thought I saw behind his eyes. Even though he was up there, half-hidden behind her tits, my vision was getting really good. “He looked like he might even be useful.” That part lodged itself somewhere in my brain.

“She said something?” Marisela prompted coolly.

“Yeah.” I nodded, “She leaned out a little and said something simple. Something very her. Something like: ‘Hey guys. Thanks for coming but it’s so early.’ She told them to, like, make sure they get enough sleep. Drink their water. Call their moms.’”

Marisela snorted despite herself.

“But her voice-” Lakshmi began, then stopped. 

“Yeah that’s a thing, huh?” I continued for her, “It carried, across the lot. Not loud. It wasn’t like she was having to yell. It was just…full.”

“Your voice kind of did the same thing, Randi,” Lakshmi said, quietly. 

“Did it?” I hadn’t really realized others could notice. Huh. Something fluttered in my chest. 

“Yeah, it had everyone paying attention,” Lakshmi answered, “but when Melissa spoke…” Then she did take a sip of tea.

“Yeah, It hit them and you could see it land,” I continued for her, “Something came over them. A new vibe.”

“Did Melissa notice?” Marisela asked. 

“I dunno. But maybe for half a second - her face shifted.”

“Her shoulders squared,” Lakshmi explained, “Her chin lifted. Like something was pouring into her from below, and she was letting it.”

And I swear to g-d I’d felt it too.

“Then she blinked, though,” I continued, describing the moment for Marisela, “She smiled - smaller - pulled Squirt in by the wrist, shut the window, and the blinds slid down.”

Lakshmi was staring at the lilies now. “She pulled back.”

“Yeah,” I say. “She did.”

“Maybe that is good,” Lakshmi offered. She pushed her long dark hair behind one ear, then decided to start putting it up in a ponytail.

“Yeah,” I agreed, trying my coffee again. Still bad.

I pulled out my phone and tossed it onto the table. “I texted her after. Asked if she wanted to talk about it.”

Marisela raised a dark, sculpted eyebrow. There was a simple piercing through it, today. “And?”

“She said she wasn’t coming down. Said she was…busy.” I made air quotes. “Sounded wired. In a good way. Like she needed to burn something off.”

Lakshmi’s mouth twitched. We’d all felt it, the Bliss a couple minutes after Missy had pulled him back from the window. And then again. And again. I think I need to buy new shoes before tomorrow.

We let that sit.

Marisela ran her tongue over her eye teeth. Then she tapped the cashier’s check. “This also changes things.”

“Yes,” I said immediately, because it did. 

“This isn’t parking lot weirdness anymore,” she went on. I could see the gears turning in her head. I knew she was good at math. I’m getting better at it too, I thought to myself. “This is funding.”

“It is…infrastructure,” Lakshmi added. 

This is escalation.

I turned and grabbed a marker from the tray at the base of the whiteboard. The board still had faint notes from scheduling and intake logistics or whatever meeting they were having here on Friday, but I wiped a clean space and wrote in big letters:

CONTROL.

Lakshmi watched me carefully. “Control of what?”

“Narrative. Access. Money.” I wrote each word out right underneath, and I underlined them all. “And her exposure.”

Marisela nodded once. “We need a formal donation channel. Not just envelopes.”

“Agreed.”

Again remembering how her voice had changed when she’d gotten the money last weekend, I felt something. Would online donations work the same way? I had a feeling they might. “She’s gonna love that.”

Lakshmi set her mug down. “And we need language that does not deify her…yet.”

I glanced at her. I cocked an eyebrow. 

“We cannot stop them from feeling what they feel,” Lakshmi continued calmly, explaining herself, “But we can shape how they express it. And I think it is…too early. For…that.”

Wow, yeah, I love her sometimes. She makes sense.

I tapped the word CONTROL again.

“I’ll get to work on a donation site,” Marisela said, already tapping at her keyboard with those killer black nails. 

“And,” I added, “we need to talk about the incoming security they’re sending us.”

Marisela’s expression shifted. “They land tomorrow.”

“I know.”

The couple guards we had on duty this morning, from the little group they’d sent us on the bus from Coronado, had looked ready. I wanted them there to make sure the peace was kept. But even if they were hulking muscle mommies and trained like I think they were, they were definitely outnumbered if things took a turn. The new ones? They wouldn’t be. 

“They will be visible,” Lakshmi said quietly, “The new uniforms were just delivered. Did you see the design yet? I have not.”

“Me neither,” I replied, “But, Marisela, they-“

“Yeah. Kori and Lexi asked me for some help last week, drawing up some sketches,” Marisela replied, having already pulled up the designs ideas she’d offered…

“Cool. And they got those made in-?”

“In like less than three days? To the exact measurements of these new girls coming in?” Marisela answered, dryly, “Yeah.”

“I still cannot believe the numbers Kathe sent you. I got a look at them,” Lakshmi said, idly swirling her tea. It looked like it had gotten cold. “They are all, basically, seven feet tall.”

“As tall as Melissa,” Marisela offered.

“For now, yeah, I guess,” I conceded. Missy had called me yesterday, squealing, so excited that she’d finally hit seven feet. I mean, oh my g-d. How much longer before she reaches her next goal - she told me how tall she wants to be. It’s crazy  - or even bigger than that? Would this woman ever stop?

That thought sent a shiver down to places I’m not going to tell you about.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Chicks putting their mind to something? Shit gets done.” I meant the uniforms. “So they’ll be big, strong and look like fucking supermodel supersoldiers. But how do we all feel about it?”

That lands heavier than I intended. Neither Lakshmi or Marisela said anything.

“Exactly,” I said. None of us was sure. I mean, it would be good to have extra muscle around here. But…

“I am not sure yet if they answer to her, and to us…or to someone else,” Lakshmi finally said.

“And do we need to be prepared?” offered Marisela, as her manicured talons ran across the table, “Make ourselves stronger still?”

That also landed, I think, heavier than she intended. Or maybe not. The girl likes her drama.

Lakshmi was nodding, thinking. I cocked my head at her, tapped the dry-erase marker in my hand to my chin. “What is it, Keeks?”

“Well,” she began, “Melissa has become even more attached to Dr. J, since Thursday, now that they have settled on things. She is doting on him even more, getting even more protective.”

“Yeah she asked if I could hack the AI that controls their new car, make it so he’s not able to override her remote commands,” Marisela agreed, “She also wants to be able to modulate the pheromone levels in his car from her phone, even put him to sleep if she needs.”

“Do I even ask if he’s alright with that?” I asked. I didn’t know if that mattered. In the past, it wouldn’t have, to me. But - yeah, weird - part of me was starting to feel like it should.

“Yeah, it sounds like he is.”

“Wow okay.”

“Also they are spending more intimate time together, these last few days...” Lakshmi continued.

“Yeah I caught them in her office on Friday,” I nodded, chuckling, “He was sitting in her big chair, at her big desk. She was under it.”

They had let me…nngh it was so hot…watch. His little mouth gapiing, his little eyes roll back in his head. His fingers curling, trying to hold onto the desk for dear life while all the while <GLOMP GLOMP GLOMP> Missy was under the desk face-fucking him. He froze, and then shook so much when he came I thought he was having a seizure. 

“The Bliss has been amazing,” Marisela purred. She was flexing her hand, and I swear I saw her nails sharpen right in front of my eyes.

“I think it is all going to make us stronger, and not just because it is, uh, more often,” Lakshmi continued, “Dr J. has decided that he agrees. That it is in everyone’s best interest if we become…more. He is going to help.”

I let out a low whistle, leaning back against the whiteboard, arms crossed. “I think she’s already ‘more’ too,” I said, smirking. “Did you see her yesterday morning? Those tits are getting ridiculous. I swear they’re bigger than they were the night before. Like, visibly.”

“We all got a new shipment of those expandable Polish bras on Friday,” Marisela offered, adjusting her own huge pale tits in her leather bodice. 

“She’s going to need a whole village making hers, soon,” I quipped. The expandable bras really have been a g-dsend. 

Marisela glanced up from her laptop, dark lips curving in a sly smile. “I wonder if Dr. J can see over them at all, when he’s on bottom.”

Lakshmi let out a soft laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. “She was…being very affectionate, very, um, nurturing with him in the breakroom yesterday. She started bottle-feeding him, right in front of Josie and me. She unbuttoned her blouse for him a bit, to give him something to look at.” She paused for a second. “He was not complaining.”

I snorted, shaking my head. 

Marisela’s eyebrow arched, piercing glinting. “She can’t keep her hands off him. Literally. I saw her pull him into the supply closet Friday afternoon. Not even locking the door. They were both giggling. Then, I heard him whimpering.”

Lakshmi nodded, eyes soft but amused. “She had told Aubrey at the geriatrics desk to cancel all his Friday patients. Said she needed him ‘all day’ while she worked. Just…to keep him close. In her lap, mostly. Feeding him, petting him, whispering to him. He seemed to love it, and so did she.”

I laughed, rubbing my temple. “Wouldn’t surprise me if she starts nursing him soon.” 

After I said it, I saw it. I was chuckling, thinking I was making a joke, but Lakshmi and Marisela exchanged glances - quick, knowing. Lakshmi set her tea down carefully.

“She asked me to get her a breast pump,” Lakshmi said quietly. “Yesterday. Said she wanted to be ready.’”

Marisela’s fingers paused on her keyboard. “And she told me the same thing, about getting ready. Asked me to book her a couple nights this week right before Thanksgiving, at an Air BnB on the lake. Called it a ‘mommy and baby getaway.’ Made sure I got a place with a crib and a nursing chair.”

I stared at them. “She what?”

Marisela shrugged, but her diamond-blue eyes were gleaming. “She said she needed ‘private time’ with him. To ‘bond.’ And she wanted it set up so he’d feel…taken care of.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Jesus. She’s not even pretending anymore.”

“Randi, language,” Lakshmi corrected me.

Truth be told, the name was starting to feel stale in my mouth. 

Lakshmi looked thoughtful, fingers tracing the rim of her mug. “She’s becoming more…outwardly maternal. More possessive. It is sweet, in a way. But also…”

“Intense,” I finished. “Yeah.”

We all sat with that for a second.

I tapped the whiteboard again, right under CONTROL. “So what do we do about it?”

Marisela leaned back, crossing her arms. “We support her. We help her. And we make sure no one - not the new guards, not the bomb guys, not lawyers or politicians or anyone - gets in the way.”

Lakshmi nodded slowly. “She trusts us. That is our strength.”

I looked between them, feeling something shift in my chest - excitement, maybe. Or anticipation. “Yeah,” I said. “She is gonna need us. More than ever.”

Because whatever was coming next - whatever Melissa was becoming, whatever she was leading us into - it was going to be big. Today it was fifty people in a parking lot. Ten thousand dollars on a table. A woman in a window pulling energy out of the air like oxygen.

Lakshmi said exactly what I was thinking: “What will tomorrow bring? Next month? Next year?”

I laughed, capped the marker in my hand and put it back on the whiteboard. “That’s the question, isn’t it?”

I turned back to them.

“Whatever it is, we’re not slowing it down,” I say. “We’re structuring it.”

Lakshmi nodded. Marisela was already typing.

In the security feed Marisela pulled up, then showed to us, I could see the last of them outside, leaving the lot - slow, reverent, like they’re walking away from something holy. And upstairs, behind drawn blinds, Melissa was probably holding Squirt close, humming with whatever that crowd woke up inside her. I could feel a new Bliss coming on…

I breathed, and felt my lungs shudder. 

“This train isn’t slowing down, ladies,” I said, seeing now that they were starting to feel it too, “So we’d better keep laying the tracks...”

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