Emerging back from the [Darkness] of slumber, the strangest sensation welcomed me back into the world of consciousness.
Strangest, as in, I couldn't begin to describe it.
The worst possibilities surging to the forefront of my morning-hazed mind, I immediately entered a state of Essence communion and went as deep as I could.
Nothing.
No anomalous Essence disorder signs besides those associated with an early Essence overdevelopment state.
The problem?
I could still clearly feel this unknown sensation.
It permeated everything, as if a weight had been applied to my [Perception].
[Guided] captured everything I felt and, after digging through its humongous sanctuary of knowledge, gave me a bunch of fitting answers.
A new Aspect in the most conceptual phase of forming, one that was so close to my already existing [Perception] Aspect as to effectively confound it.
Not it.
My physical body, and more specifically my brain, suffered some type of damage while I was sleeping.
I made quick work of that one by taking off towards the infirmary and receiving an [Examination] that refuted it as a possibility.
My physical body was perfectly fine for a one-year-old fairy, brain included.
Five more possibilities refuted and an outburst of [Will] targeted at clearing it later, the sensation having neither vanished nor changed, [Guided] concluded this could only be an Essence-related thing and urged me to get on with my [Exertion] routine as per normal.
While I reluctantly made my way to the Sentinel training grounds. Knight Thalor's Essence corruption story started bouncing around in my mind, its impact having yet to subside despite three months having passed since learning about it.
Or, instead of talking about its impact having yet to abate, it would be more accurate to say that, as the source of the greatest alteration to my Path in months...
It regularly resurfaced whenever I ended up contemplating all the little things that had changed in my [Exertion] routine since my return and subsequent in-depth research on the subject of Essence corruption.
Little things like [Guided] compelling me to maintain the [Purity] of my inner [Harmony] by dismissing my worries.
Easy achievement in theory, nightmarish attainment in practice, as my times of idling my potential away reading and chatting in the sanctuary had gone weeks ago.
That meant my [Exertion] routine now simultaneously encompassed five Aspect syntheses covering seven out of eight of my Path Aspects, and two Aspect formations.
Without [Guided] incessantly informing me of what I needed to do, how I needed to do it, and what mindset I needed to have throughout every second of my waking hours, I would have long given up on one, two, or even three things.
But I had [Guided].
And if [Guided] told me it was possible, then no matter how seemingly impossible, it must be achievable, regardless of how fine a line I had to tread.
For that reason, I forced my mind off the strange sensation born of whatever was occurring to my Essence and [Focus]ed on carrying out an [Exertion] routine that had been pushed to the edge of anti-overdevelopment feasibility.
I closed my eyes and plugged my ears while I was flying, relying solely on my proto-[Awareness] to discern obstacles and turns, all to prevent my [Perception] Aspect from developing further.
I disobeyed all the rules of [Darkness], keeping well away from anywhere I suspected shadows to be, acting on my [Secrecy] in broad [Light], to the extent I completely believed I would form the [Light] Aspect if I kept at it for a couple of years.
When I reached the Sentinel training grounds, I opted out of any serious sparring or duels, in place joining the much more atypical impairment conditioning ground, where Sentinels were primed for the dire situations of finding themselves impaired from the likes of their legs, their arms, or their various senses.
In my case, as was habitual during my morning visit, I was here for the dreadful scenario of losing both my sense of sight and my sense of hearing.
To say it wasn't glorious compared to my usual self would be an understatement, and other Sentinels accommodating me by also going blind and deaf for the duration of our sparring didn't make this [Exertion] any easier or better.
And that was without counting the last couple of spars during which [Guided] fancied making me lose my wings as well, grounding me and making me lose my greatest advantage.
I couldn't do anything except stubbornly jump in the vague direction of my adversaries and hope I got it right, or could somehow grab onto something and make my way over to their vital points by scurrying over their giant bodies.
That or get grabbed or swatted away.
It was absolutely miserable.
Then, after a short two hours—to not induce too much [Tempering]—my morning impaired sparring session ended, leaving me to head to the infirmary to empty my energy—and not my frustration—out on patients in the form of [Will] healing.
There, I forgot all about trying to [Insight] my way to discerning a patient's problems, relying uniquely on my [Comprehension] ability, piecing everything together in a way that called nearly entirely upon my knowledge rather than my deduction or observation abilities.
It was so counterintuitive that, despite having spent months getting used to doing things that way, [Guided] incessantly kept correcting my thoughts.
Stupid overdevelopment.
Leaving the infirmary, I was left with a tenth of my maximum energy reserve and could expect to fully recover in roughly eight hours, considering the substantial constraints my [Purity] Aspect formation [Exertion] imposed on how strict I had to be with what I allowed into my body.
That I could still carry out [Cycle] breathing was truly a miracle only permitted by [Guided]'s existence.
Without it...
I didn't want to think about it.
Arriving at the sanctuary, I soared above the bookshelves and headed directly for the Aspect sections, a gathering of hundreds upon hundreds of sections, each dedicated to their own single Aspect, to resume my studies on the [Mana] Aspect.
With the exception of [Vitality], just like hundreds of other Aspects I could hypothetically synthesize from [Will], each more magical than the other, I was still very far from making any sort of definitive commitment towards it, but it was certainly an Aspect [Worthy] of having been recommended by a Knight.
If [Vitality] was the natural Aspect synthesis I would derive from the inherent synergy between [Guided] healing, [Cultivation], [Will], and my natural tendency to push my body to its limits, then [Mana]...
[Mana] would be, I believed, the natural Aspect born of my hypothetical attempts at bending [Darkness] to my [Will].
Because that's what the [Mana] Aspect was about.
It took the supreme versatility of the [Will] Aspect, capable of making anything a reality so long as one had the knowledge and energy to back it up, and transformed it into a force specialized in the manifestation of natural phenomena.
[Darkness].
[Light].
[Fire].
[Gravity].
[Life].
[Motion].
[Weather].
Anything that came remotely close to the definition of natural phenomena—everything, according to the Chaos Embodiment Essence Doctrine—the [Mana] Aspect could manifest and manipulate at an absurdly higher efficiency than the [Will] Aspect could.
If I were to form the [Mana] Aspect right there and then, at Tier 0, from what I read, while it wouldn't be easy and would certainly empty me out in a matter of minutes, I would actually become able to manifest and manipulate [Darkness], though at a very superficial level.
When the most I could achieve with my Tier 2 [Will] and Tier 1 [Darkness] Aspects was to marginally make the [Darkness] stick to me when I pulled out of it, the [Mana] Aspect truly embodied a whole other level.
Nevertheless, its potential notwithstanding, I had a very good reason as to why I was yet unconvinced by the [Mana] Aspect.
A reason that all primers and beginner books on the [Mana] Aspect made abundantly clear.
The [Mana] Aspect was relatively, if not totally, useless by itself.
[Mana], as a concept, was simply an enabler for an Essence Entity to manifest and manipulate natural phenomena, not something that had any inherent properties that could be leveraged to perform [Aura]-like feats such as splitting a ceiling pane in two.
I assumed that constraint disappeared if one advanced the [Mana] Aspect to a sufficiently high Tier or synthesized it to be further specialized in manifesting and manipulating a single natural phenomenon, like [Storm]s or [Dream]s, but...
I was an Origin Essence Entity.
As such, my Path ought to be developed according to my Origin Aspect.
My Path was the Path of being [Guided].
And from all I read on it, all those who brought the [Mana] Aspect to legendary heights had made it the absolute core of their Path.
I could not do that.
It wasn't about the difficulty of forming all the phenomenon Aspects such as [Darkness], [Light], [Air], [Water], [Fire], [Earth], [Life], [Death], [Gravity], [Space], or even the supporting Aspects such as [Purity], [Recovery], [Comprehension], [Clarity], [Harmony], many of which I already intended to form in one way or another...
It was about what felt right.
The [Cultivation] Aspect felt right.
The [Awareness] Aspect felt right.
Once I contextualized them, the [Purity] and [Harmony] Aspects felt right.
The [Mana] Aspect? Not so much.
It felt like making it part of my Path, even hypothetically, would mess with its [Harmony].
Just like the [Void] and [Soul] Aspects, which Knight Thalor advised me against for the simplest reason that they would both become long-term weaknesses, as I did not intend for them to have more than a supporting role in my Path.
And like her unique perspective on the Two Laws Doctrine, further reading on advanced materials relating to the [Void] and [Soul] Aspects proved her right.
Forming the [Soul] Aspect, which would effectively manifest my [Soul] as a new part of my existence, something intangible yet real, would henceforth render me susceptible to whatever targeted [Soul]-like existence.
It was the same deal with the [Void] Aspect, whose initial effects were to simply allow me to enter a [Void] state where I became disconnected from my physical vessel, in effect cutting me off from biological emotions and sensations.
As for how that applied to the [Mana] Aspect...
That's what I was perusing the [Mana] Aspect section of the sanctuary for.
Could anyone with a more advanced [Mana] Aspect take over my manifested phenomena?
Could having [Mana] coursing through my veins conceivably allow someone to make me explode?
If that was the case, what were the counters to-
"Sol?" a familiar voice called my diminished moniker from below, interrupting my ceaseless musing on how to ever better my Path.
How hadn't my [Awareness] warned me of someone coming?
I looked over the edge of the bookshelf I made my booknest on.
"Yes, Nina?" I instantly recognized the one who taught me to read, write, and count when I just settled in the Prime Temple.
She had changed a bit since then, having become a Scribe from an Acolyte, but otherwise remained the same young Virel girl, with short black hair, dark-brown skin, and the typical thin build of her species, to not misdiagnose as malnutrition.
Even her habits were the same, always carrying a backpack that obviously bulged with too many books and stationery.
"What are you doing in the [Mana] section? Shouldn't you be preparing for your Scribe examination in the Essence section?" she asked.
"Maybe I intend to use the [Mana] Aspect as one of my secondary subjects?"
"I doubt that."
"Why?"
"Cause the [Mana] Aspect isn't accepted as a subject for the Scribe examination. It's only allowed from the Archivist examination upwards."
"Oh."
"So? Why are you researching the [Mana] Aspect? Want to ask me some questions? I've spent the last four months studying it, so believe me when I say it's a huge mess."
"Don't I know it." I exhaled exaggeratedly. "It is what it is, though. That's why I'm not even considering making any decision before I get to the Everwell Sector. Haste makes waste, whatever."
"Your lack of tact is as hurtful as ever." Nita narrowed her eyes as she glared at me. "Are you saying all my decisions are potentially bad because I made them here rather than in a Sector hosting a Prime Realm?"
"I prefer 'honesty' to 'lack of tact'," I smugly corrected, "And isn't that everyone's shared opinion of the subject? To not hear it doesn't make it any less truthful."
"No one wants to hear about how by remaining here they will slowly waste away. Just like they don't want to see a one-year-old fairy surpassing them. We already told you that a thousand times."
"No can do." I grinned. "Who cares anyway, when I'll disappear in a couple of years? Once I'm gone, only my legend will remain, and then no one will be reminded of the greater world out there. You included, by the way."
"What a depressing perspective. I guess at least we'll live on in your memories when you make it to the peak? Or you can do like in Solaena's Journey and come back in a millennium to benevolently resurrect us all?"
"Tough luck, infantile amnesia is actually a thing, so I'll forget you all, and it'll be like I was never here when I try to remember my early years," I joked.
Infantile amnesia was a real thing, however, though I had no idea how it would manifest itself for my anomalous case of having been [Guided] to [Awareness] and [Sapience] much earlier than I ought to.
I imagined most of my memories would remain intact, but anything I hadn't attached any sort of importance to would fall into the [Abyss] of memories, rendered forever inaccessible without a dedicated Aspect.
Mulling over that oddly sad reality alongside how my Path bound me to forge ever onward, relegating my most important memories to be simply the filling between my [Exertion] routine...
The strange sensation weighing down on my [Perception] intensified, and I clearly felt something in my Essence begin to stir.
"How insufferable." Nita repressed her laughter, her face nevertheless giving everything away. "You should really be more aware of your unique circumstances. One day you'll be swatted away for your insolence."
For some reason, hearing her joke around like that, everything I knew about Nita surged to the forefront of my mind.
How we first met and how she grew to become my first real friend in this place, if not my first real friend ever.
What her life story was, how much time we spent together, how we regularly studied together, and supported each other.
I remembered everything as if it had happened yesterday.
But at the same time, I also became aware of how little importance I genuinely accorded to our relationship.
When I left for the Everwell Sector with the Fairy House in a couple of years, I would do so because it was the right thing to do.
Nita's existence had simply never been part of my Path.
I considered her a friend, I sometimes helped her, she sometimes helped me, she was present in many of my important memories of living life in the [Light] of the Prime Temple...
But she didn't mean anything more than that to me.
And truthfully...
I didn't hold a single meaningful relationship with anyone inside or outside the Prime Temple.
Everyone could die... and I would probably simply grieve for a couple of days before moving on, adding them to my "Resurrection" list and forgetting them soon after.
"What's wrong, Sol?" Seeing me not answer anything, which ran against my usual social persona as generated by [Guided] and which I made my own, Nita inquired.
I considered dismissing the entire thing, but [Guided] started acting weird, telling me to follow through with what I first thought to tell her when she asked me what was wrong.
And so I did.
"Just thinking about how I'm bound to forget even you at some point," I told her honestly.
Because honesty was my thing, after all, wasn't it?
Honesty and a complete disregard for forming meaningful relationships.
I was [Truth]ful to a fault.
I was indifferent towards everything I considered didn't—pain—or couldn't—most people—aid my Path.
But above all...
I couldn't stand idleness.
Then I suddenly knew what was going on.
It was so evident in hindsight.
The only reason [Guided] failed to pinpoint exactly what the issue was that it was part of something bigger.
An Aspect coming to life in a way we never experienced before.
What this all was...
What overwhelmed me so much...
It was obviously my nascent [Awareness].
More specifically, my nascent [Awareness]'s psychological facet.
Such was the way higher order Aspects were formed, expanding upon the foundation of already existing compatible Aspect-s, and messily birthing what was absent, leading to a very distinct Essence disorder named synthesis disorder.
"If you allow me, I have a mandatory communion to do. Sorry." I quickly put together an excuse for Nita then laid down to start communing with my Essence.
There was no way I would miss a single second of my very first Essence synthesis disorder.
I knew the synthesis of my [Awareness] Aspect wouldn't be done in a matter of minutes, but rather in a matter of hours, but it was no reason to be unconcerned about it, waiting for the disorder to pass.
A second was all the time it took me to enter a state of communion, and what welcomed me was a wholly novel sensation that I instantly recognized as the indescribable, strange sensation I felt when I woke up.
Except this time, it was as clear as the Red Sand Realm rift seen from the Red Desert.
This novel sensation was that of one of my Aspects, my [Perception] Aspect, being at the core of an Essence synthesis disorder, causing seething currents to spread throughout my whole Essence, even affecting my physical body.
If I had been unprepared for this occurrence, now would be the crucial moment to describe how this synthesis would transpire.
If I wished for a divergent synthesis, where I kept the newly-forming Aspect independent from the Aspect-s leveraged to synthesize it—in this case, my [Perception] Aspect—then I would have to enter a long and intense communion to make sure it happened that way.
On the other hand, if I wished for a convergent synthesis, with the synthesizing Aspect-s being entirely assimilated into the Aspect it-they enabled the synthesis of, effectively losing it-them, then the only thing I needed to do was to let the Essence synthesis disorder run its natural course.
I evidently intended to let the Essence synthesis disorder run its natural course and allow my [Perception] Aspect to be subsumed into the forming [Awareness] Aspect.
If my [Will] Aspect had been part of the synthesizing Aspects, I would have fought tooth and nail to keep it independent, but synthesizing my [Perception] Aspect into the [Awareness] Aspect had always been my chosen Path.
Hence, I happily let things proceed the way they were meant to.
In what felt like just a couple of hours, the differences between a synthesis disorder and an advancement disorder couldn't have made themselves clearer.
An advancement disorder induced drastic, fluctuating losses of efficacy to the concerned Aspect, with a timespan greatly correlated to the Tier this Aspect was advancing to.
A synthesis disorder, however, felt like an Aspect formation amplified by a hundredfold, with the ripples even destabilizing the Aspect it was being synthesized from.
My [Perception] truly felt like it was becoming more and more weighed down, which wasn't a sensation I had any previous comparison for.
That it happened while my senses were also being mixed up into a gradually forming [Awareness] of my surroundings and myself only rendered the experience that much more confusing.
Until finally, with a wild surge that caused my Essence to heave at once, my [Perception] Aspect ceased to be.
For a minute, I dissociated from my own utterly unfamiliar body, the world having lost its colors, every sound blurred into each other.
Aspect Lost: [Perception] (Tier 2)Aspect Formed: [Awareness] (Tier 0)
Then it all came back at once in one grandiose confluence that saw all that once made up my [Perception] Aspect assimilated into something different.
Something bigger.
The [Awareness] Aspect.
[Guided] (Origin)[Exertion] (Tier 2)[Cycle] (Tier 2)[Insight] (Tier 2)[Awareness] (Tier 0)[Tempering] (Tier 2)[Darkness] (Tier 1)[Will] (Tier 2)[Focus] (Tier 1)
There was no sudden expansion of my [Awareness].
One moment, there was nothing.
Next, my [Awareness] had simply spread to encompass my surroundings, providing me a hazy picture of all that was.
Where the sound that reached my ears originated from.
Where each of the books I employed to build my booknest was.
Where I put my notes and my pens.
How tired I was.
How much I could still push myself.
It was both staggeringly new and... inexplicably normal.
I [Will]ed my [Awareness] to expand, and it did so.
When it reached what felt like a limit, at around two or three blurry meters, I [Will]ed it to expand beyond and, at the cost of having to manifest my [Will], I pushed it to five or so indistinct meters, at the price of incurring an acute headache that dissuaded me from pressing it further.
So I [Will]ed my [Awareness] to contract, and by the time I constrained it to within thirty-two centimeters of me, the [Clarity] astounded me.
This was a real [Awareness] of what the world looked like around me, with nothing except the smallest details escaping me.
If that was what the Tier 0 [Awareness] Aspect allowed me to do...
I was truly curious how wondrous the yet-higher order [Domain] Aspect I intended to pursue next would be.
Not that for this Aspect synthesis, the [Awareness] Aspect alone would suffice.
It would take much, much more of everything.
More Aspects.
More time.
More |Will].
More Essence development...
Be that as it may, that was a worry for the future.
For now, I had a celebration taking the form of getting used to a new Aspect, pioneering new [Exertion]s, and reading more [Mana] books to carry out.
Rest was for when driving my body and mind further incurred potential long-term losses of potential, after all.