A Selection of Incident Reports from Lesion Canyon Wilderness Preserve + The Official Poster

National Anomalous Preserves Weekly Incident Report

To: Bureau of Ranger Management

From: Head Ranger Mateo McNamara, Lesion Canyon Wilderness Preserve

Date: Week of September 6th - 12th, 1999

INCIDENTS

99-196: Eastern Boundary of Lesion Canyon Preserve

The Sage Fire is now at 67% containment, and is no longer advancing toward the park from the east after firefighters dug 2 miles of emergency trench lines half a mile east of the official park boundary. Readiness levels have been dropped from 3 to 2, but the emergency sprinkler system will remain in place until the fire reaches 100% containment. 

99-197: Main Visitor Center - Worm Phone

The Worm Phone was briefly deactivated after a park guest (J.T.) with a research permit disregarded hivemind communication rules and asked the Canyon Colony Hivemind a question involving cyclical logic - "What is the answer to this question if every possible answer is wrong?" - a statement that sent the writheworm colony into a state of distress as it attempted to provide a satisfactory answer to said question. Rangers calmed the hivemind by tossing a standard calming agent (3kg ketamine brick) into the main digestive mass of the colony, while the guest was escorted off of park premises and served with a 5-year entry ban. 

99-198: Employee Housing

Park medical staff responded to a call from employee housing reporting a park employee (R.W.) choking on his food. Medical staff responded quickly and administered the Heimlich maneuver, resulting in the choking employee coughing up nearly 6 inches of partially chewed chicken. After a brief recovery in the Park Medical Center, R.W. was discharged and given 2 days of paid leave to recover from the experience.

99-199: Northern Canyon Rim

A visitor from Texas (H.W.) ignored warning signs and stepped over a safety fence with her dog, a Shih Tzu, to “take a picture without any fencing in the frame”. While attempting to walk back from the edge, she slipped on the loose rock, causing her to fall, scrape her knees, and release her grip on her dog’s leash. The Shih Tzu, thrown off balance by the fall and the yanking of its leash, proceeded to tumble into the canyon and be absorbed by the colony. H.W. was brought to the Park Medical Center to be bandaged. While in the medical center, she experienced a severe panic attack after being told that her dog could not be recovered, and a 1mg dose of lorazepam was administered in response.

99-200: Western Canyon Rim

Around midnight, park law enforcement rangers saw headlights on the Western Canyon Rim and went to investigate. Upon arrival, the rangers found a group of 5 gang members from Spokane attempting to dispose of a murder victim’s body in the canyon. All 5 were arrested, and the body was recovered before it could be dumped into the writheworm colony. The 5 gang members have since been turned over to the Spokane Sheriff’s Department.

99-201: Writhing Point

In the midst of a severe thunderstorm, guests at Writhing Point Viewpoint reported seeing a large herd of deer, presumably confused by the low visibility conditions and powerful thunder, stampede off the edge of the canyon and fall into the writheworm colony. The guest’s reports were taken down by park rangers, making this incident the first well-documented mass absorption event in nearly twenty years. 

96-202: Main Visitor Station - Worm Phone

The Worm Phone was briefly deactivated after a visitor from North Carolina, E.O., was sent into hysterics after reportedly speaking with a relative, R.W., who fell into the canyon and was absorbed by the colony in a highly publicized event last year. E.O. claimed that R.W. was still alive in the colony and had not been absorbed, and demanded that a rescue operation be mounted. E.O. was told repeatedly that though her relatives’ consciousness was present in the colony as a result of the absorption, their body could not be recovered, and they now existed solely as part of the colony hivemind. E.O. would not listen and had to be restrained by rangers as she attempted to run to the edge of the canyon. E.O. was treated according to the park’s extended bereavement protocol and released with the assurance that she could return to speak to her relative at any point. 

Portions of the transcript from the conversation between E.O. and the absorbed consciousness of R.W. further reinforce the theory that this colony of writheworms, along with all others that once existed, were once part of a greater organism that failed to root here on Earth and abandoned the writheworm colonies. According to the consciousness of R.W., the colony has no desire to re-merge with its forebearer organism, and is quite content to remain unconnected to whatever hivemind birthed it. 

END REPORT