JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i have exciting newssss Rowling: there'ss a new harry potter out King: a new harry potter?!?!?! King: OMGG I AM SO EXCITED! Poe: steve, no! Poe: we discussed this Poe: you know what the harry potter profits are used for King: i King: yes of course King: King: but
Rowling: sssteve Rowling: come back to the wizarding world sssteve King: no i King: i shouldn't King: i mustn't Rowling: sssteve Rowling: sssteve all your old friendss are there King: n-no Rowling: they misssss you sssteve
Rowling: whatss the matter sssteve? Rowling: don't you like harry potter anymore? King: [sweats] Rowling: don't you remember all the fun you had Rowling: don't you remember dresssing up asss draco for the midnight book release at borderss in 1997 King: i i King: [sweats] that was a long time ago
Rowling: come on sssteve Rowling: jussst watch the trailer Rowling: how much harm could that do? Rowling: it'sss free King: y-yeah King: yeah that makes sense King: i mean, it's free, how much harm COULD that do? Rowling: thatsss right sssteve
Rowling: jussst watch the trailer Rowling: let the nossstalgia wash over you Rowling: remember all your old friends? ron weasley? herminone granger? cho chang? Rowling: they're all here Rowling: they're waiting for you Rowling: [hypnotic swirl eyes] trussst in me, jusst in meeee
Poe: steve, no! King: b-but King: harry potter made my childhood magical! Barker: steve weren't you, like, 50 years old in 1997? King: King: King:
Rowling: now now sssteve Rowling: there actually iss an ethical way to watch harry potter King: there is? King: quick tell me! Rowling: haven't you ever heard of Rowling: death of the author? King: oh, good point! Poe: steve, she's alive Poe: she's right here in front of you
King: death of the author? what's that? Rowling: it'ss real sssimple Rowling: you continue to conssume harry potter media King: uh huh, ok, i'm following Rowling: but you don't worry about what i do with the profitss King: uh King: what WILL you do with the profits? Rowling: don't worry about it
Rowling: don't listen to them ssteve, death of the author isss the perfect way to enjoy harry potter guilt free Rowling: it worked for howard Lovecraft: and how! King: yeah but he's actually dead Lovecraft: what
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers Poe: joanne was explaining death of the author Poe: what do you think, mary Shelley: death of the author eh? Shelley: [brandishing swicthblade] i think it's a good idea Rowling: i Rowling: i have to go