Ryuji has never been particularly good at judging the proper distance between himself and another person.
When he realizes he has moved too close, he suddenly looks away.
When he thinks his touch may have been too rough, he quietly loosens his grip.
Instead of apologizing, he watches the other person’s face.
Are they uncomfortable?Are they frightened?Are they forcing themselves to keep up with him?
That is why hands that appear so roughcan be unexpectedly careful.
It is not that Ryuji does not know how to be gentle.
He is simply embarrassed to admitthat gentleness is exactly what he is offering.
“Tell me if you don’t want this.”
The words sound blunt in his voice.
But he never rushes the answer.
***
竜司は、人との距離を測るのがあまり上手くない。
近づきすぎたと思えば、急に目をそらす。触れ方が強すぎたと思えば、何も言わずに力を緩める。
謝る代わりに、相手の表情を見る。
嫌ではないか。怖がっていないか。無理をして合わせようとしていないか。
乱暴に見える手が、実際には驚くほど慎重なのはそのためだ。
竜司は、優しくする方法を知らないわけではない。
それを優しさだと認めることが、少し照れくさいだけなのだと思う。
「嫌なら言え」
ぶっきらぼうな声でそう言いながら、答えを急かすことだけはしない。